Comment by Lost at Fifteen on 12 Oct 2009 at 10:25 pm

Hi Karen,

How are you? I am doing fineeeeee. No I’m not. I am fifteen years old, freshman. I found your book in the library. I think I need mental health help. I haven’t talked to my parents yet. They are very great and wonderful to me. I am adopted and they adopted me when I was seven. I have nightmares and remember things I probably shouldn’t. If I tell my new parents do you think they will return me? I want to talk to them but think it’s best I wait until I’m eighteen. I haven’t been feeling very good lately. I don’t know the details of who I was before my adoption. I don’t remember my real parents at all but do remember bad things like dirty places and some smells bother me. Could my life be like yours and I don’t remember yet? What should I do? Do you think my parents will be mad at me if I ask questions? I trust you.

Lost at Fifteen

Dear Found, not Lost,

I am glad that you chose to share with me. Although I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, I understand you’re afraid to share some memories that are re-surfacing from your childhood. Perhaps these memories were triggered for a reason. I believe you are very wise to have recognized a need for help. In my opinion, you are “finding” yourself. Going to the library, searching for answers, and trying to contemplate what’s the best way to handle all that you’re feeling is very brave. I admire your efforts and encourage you to share with your parents.

I am so happy to hear that a loving, caring family has adopted you. They are your parents and will always be your parents.  Perhaps they already suspect something is happening to you. I’m sure they want you to share. I believe they will help you through this time, just as they have always helped you. If you trust your adoptive parents, as I suspect you do, nothing you share will change their minds about the way they feel about you. Your parents love you.

I think waiting until you are eighteen is a mistake. That would mean you would be living alone with your inner pain for three more years. There are good therapists that can help you understand your dark memories. Please don’t suffer alone. I healed through sharing my horrific memories and nightmares in the safety of therapy. You can too.

Wishing you all my best as you journey to heal.

Karen