Comment by Michael on 13 Oct 2009 at 7:44 am

Yes it was hard on me to lose each alter. I loved them each in a different way and very dearly. Even though i knew they were all different parts of her, they seemed like different people to me. Sometimes i miss them just as they were individually. I have pictures and videos of each in there alter state and when she sees them she remembers the event as herself. I never let her see the ones of her child alters, because she wouldn’t understand why she was acting like a 5 year old, but i keep them for me. Her chaos is gone and now she is going through the process of healing from all the sexual abuse memories. Her memories are still coming slowly. I love her so very much and hurt for her, for all the pain she endured as a child and even as an adult because of her multiplicity. We are now able to move forward with our life together and she is the happiest she has ever been.

Dear Michael,

How wonderful that you accepted each of her alters individually. I can see how you would miss each alter’s uniqueness. During integration of my alters, Dr. Baer shared that he missed a few of my alters, too!  Please understand that if she is happy, has no alter chaos, and the two of you are moving forward in life, there is no need to bring up the pain of the past. Perhaps you should find someone to talk to, to help you with your grief regarding losing the alters. I don’t believe any alter is lost; all alters merge together. She is all of them. The alters are her.

I am not a therapist, but in my opinion, I would say put the pictures away. Revisiting how the alters once were will keep you stuck in the past. It’s time to move on. I’m sure she understands this. It’s time for you to let go. I wouldn’t want to be reminded of what once was an alter part of me.

I am happy to hear that you love her. Please love her as one woman. Help her live the life she was meant to live, in peace, love and happiness.

Thank you

Karen