Comment from Luanna on 20 Oct 2009 at 8:17 am

Hello Karen,

Loved the book! I am hopeful. See I’ve been in therapy for four years and when I express this in conversation people are taken aback saying that my doctor isn’t helping me. They laugh at the silliness of the cognitive behavioral assignments I am given, Because of that I don’t talk much anymore. I am impressed that you kept your therapy between you and your therapist. How did you know? I decided to be like you in that respect. My friends would ask too many questions. I was being judged right along with my therapist. I felt awful. Why do people try to sabotage what works for those who need help. I witnessed some of my friends snickering at me while I spoke about my sessions.

One question. Did you know at the start of therapy how long it would take to get well?

Luanna

Dear Luanna,

I understand what you are sharing. I’m not sure how I knew not to share, especially with my husband.  Perhaps it’s because he always used everything I said against me. I believe my entire system of alters were always in survivor mode. As a child growing up, during my teen years, and as an adult I didn’t share much of what was happening to me at home. Silent secrets. Maybe out of shame, fear of being blamed, being further abused, or because there was no one I could trust.

When I started therapy I didn’t tell anyone. Therapy was my new escape. I felt so bad that I wanted to die, but Dr. Baer listened to me. I was finally able to share without judgment. I did not want everyone knowing how badly I felt so I wore a mask that shouted “I’m doing well!” And that was killing me. I needed professional help and not the advice of many. I needed time for myself to heal without the influence of others. Besides, each session exhausted me.

I had no idea how long therapy would last. I had no idea how ill I was. In my opinion, you can’t put a time limit on how long it takes to heal. Only you and your doctor will know when the time comes that you are well enough to be on your own.  If I were you, I’d stop sharing the details with everyone. I would simply say my therapy is going well and that I chose not to share at this time. If your friends and family truly care they should back off and say they will be there for you if you ever need to talk, and drop it.

My therapy was very important to me. Anyone who tries to jeopardize what is important to your well-being is not a friend. Take care of your self first. Someday you may find strength to share, but not during the process of healing. Keeping your therapy between you and your therapist is essential.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen