Comment by Student on 29 Oct 2009 at 6:47 pm

Dear Karen,

I attend school with Dr. Baer’s daughter and read your story. I am happy you are well and thankful Dr. Baer was able to help you. I wish I could be brave like you and ask for help. I was sexually abused by my father but won’t say anything until I finish college. He’s paying and threatened to stop paying if I say a word. Won’t leave my name. But after reading your story the first chance I get after graduation I will find a great doctor to help me. Until then I will continue on doing my best to get through my sleepless nights. I am inspired by you. I think you are terrific. I am hoping to find my own Dr. Baer some day.

Student, 2 years to go

Dear Student,

Thank you for sharing. I believe you are already brave. You wrote me and that’s an important first step to reaching out to someone, anyone. The fact that you are aware of needing help is most important. But waiting another two years because you feel threatened by your father, for tuition, may cause you more unnecessary anxiety and stress. Living in fear is not living.

Please don’t wait. All doctors must follow confidentiality laws. No therapist has the right to share your information without your permission. You are an adult now and don’t need your father’s permission to seek help. At this time seeking help and keeping that help secret is much more wise than protecting your abusive father. You mentioned you are a college student. There may be a counselor at school that you can share with in confidence. Receiving supportive help at this time may help you sleep better.

I admit, it may be difficult in the beginning to talk about the abuse you suffered while you are trying to focus on your studies, but in the long run you will feel much better about yourself. Therapy provided me with a sense of calm, and after each session a weight lifted from my shoulders. I chose to be discrete and rarely shared my therapy with anyone. For me, it was best to heal and gain strength without outside influence.

I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion you have already started the process of trying to understand your memories, thoughts, and feelings. Maybe you are ready and should seek help sooner rather than later. I was very fortunate to find Dr. Baer. I believe you can find a good therapist, too!

Wishing you peace at this time of discovery.

Karen