Comment by Jodie Jordan on 03 Nov 2009 at 3:28 pm

Dear Karen,

I am so touched and so surprised to get a response from you.

Thanks so much.

This phrase you typed, “Since I harbored male alters, I usually dressed casually, wore little to no make-up, and rarely wore a dress,” reminds me so much of myself.

I have little interest to dress as a female or doll up too much, opting for more casual styles and comfy clothes. It’s strange. I can dress up to the occasion if I want or need to, but I am most comfortable just being plain and simple.

I hurt a lot deep down. I realize my conflicting personalities and even sexuality is causing my downfall in life. I cannot progress much and do much in life. Full of fear. It’s as if I cannot decide which character to assume to go ahead to face the work I have to do or the world I’m in. I feel sad about this. It’s as if I cannot maintain 1 persona for long. I switch between different personas. Is this having multiple personality too? Or just borderline personality?

I’m not sure.

I don’t lose time though like you do when you switch. I mean, I am aware of all the parts of me. Just that I assume different roles at different times and I become different types of persons when I meet different people or when doing different things in life.

I feel wierd that I can never merge these different parts of me together. I avoid many social situations because of this. I avoid most people. I literally turn and run when I see people I know or when people want to form closer bonds with me.

What is wrong with me?

Can Dr Baer even give me a brief explanation about my symptoms?

I used to think I could be a borderline personality sufferer. Until I started reading your book. Could I be having multiple personality instead?

Dear Jodie Jordan,

Thank you for sharing with me. I understand what you mean by staying casual most of the time. Sure, I was able to dress up and appear more feminine whenever I needed to, but I never felt quite comfortable. There were many occasions, such as weddings, banquets, or parties, where I wanted to fit in.  We share some of the same thoughts. If you haven’t been diagnosed as a multiple, has your therapist shared another possible disorder with you?

Having both female and male alters influencing one’s life can be troublesome, but the way I dealt with those times was just to be myself. Sometimes I felt a bit more male instead of female, but that never made a difference to me. Why? Because I am proud of both sides of my unique personality. Besides, a multiple has an excuse! Have you ever met a man who acts more female than male? Or a female who acts more male? We all know someone like that. I believe being yourself is best, whether male or female.

Multiples are unique individuals, no two are alike. No one is perfect and no one multiple switches or loses time in the same way as another. Our past experiences define the way we choose to survive. I think it’s great that you are aware of other parts of yourself. Losing time wasn’t so great. At least you are aware of all that has happened to you even if out of your control. Maybe during your healing this will be an added plus. Have you found a good therapist that you can trust to accompany you on your journey? Once you establish a good therapeutic relationship with your therapist, he or she will explain your symptoms and help you to understand.

Please don’t give up. Have faith and your healing will follow.

Thank you for your compliments.

Karen