Comment by Marcellas on 22 Nov 2009 at 9:05 am

Dear Karen,

Thanks a mega bunch for sharing your thoughts and answers on a blog. I wanted to tell you you amaze me but also let you know how your words of confidence, realism and pure truth of your past experiences made a difference in my life. I wanted to kill myself one year ago today. That day I found your book sitting on a cocktail table in a waiting area of the library I was trying to stay warm in. I was alone and afraid to go home after my husband beat me. I stayed there all day and accessed your site through the computer. I want you to know how inspirational you are to women like me. I once thought I was a loser because I was abused as a young girl of nine. I thought I asked for it because maybe I flirted my way to wanting attention.

At my despair my mother punished me for being raped. My mother said I asked for it. I believed I wanted it though I never knew it was sex I wanted. Was I wrong to feel this way? Were you ever afraid you wanted to be abused? Unlike you, my mother acknowledged my abuse but it didn’t matter because she told me to shut up and never talk about it again. I never talked about it again. But you know what? I was suffering so bad because of never talking about it. I am a adult victim now not just as a child. Switching Time gave me something to learn from. One year ago I wanted to kill myself. Today, November 22, 2009 I am in therapy, was divorced, in college and raising my child alone with the help of a relative. At 28 with a 6 year old impressionable girl I chose to get out of a bad life. Thank you, Karen.

Marcellas

Dear Marcellas,

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I’m sorry for all that you have endured but I’m glad you took action to help yourself and your daughter. I’m inspired by your strength to overcome many obstacles to get you where you are today. Though I am happy to hear that my story has helped make a difference in your life, I believe you are the one to be applauded. What you have done for yourself and your daughter must not have come easy. I admire you. Thank you for being brave and taking the right path away from abuse. I believe with faith you and your daughter will do well. I sense you are a strong woman. In reading your story tears came to my eyes, for this is the reason I shared my story.

Please know that how you feel is never wrong. There is always a reason for the sadness you’re feeling. I believe you simply knew to trust your instincts. I sense you’ve been hurting for a long time. I felt the same as you. I thought maybe I asked to be abused, maybe I desired that type of touch, even thinking that type of touch was normal and happened to all young girls. But none of that matters. Why?  Because as children searching for love, how could we have known what we wanted? How we should feel? What was appropriate touch without ever experiencing it? We were children. For both of us, our fathers should’ve been the responsible adults. As children, we were the victims.

My mother would’ve reacted the same as yours. I tried to share with her by saying my father was hurting me, but she told me it was my imagination or I dreamt what happened. I knew it was real. I believe with alter help and for my own safety I stopped talking, slid into survivor mode, and kept my pain within me.

I am happy you didn’t suicide and wish you a sense of calm and happiness as you journey forward, away from abusive relationships.

Karen