Comment by Genalee on 30 Nov 2009 at 12:20 am

Dear Karen,

I was watching The Joy Behar Show and she was talking about an Ex-Wives Club. having just finished reading your book my thoughts drifted to you and your ex-husband. What were the ending conditions of your divorce? Did you divorce him or did he divorce you? Was your divorce because of your multiple personality disorder or other reasons? Did he cheat on you? When did you stop talking to him? Did you have contact with him in therapy being that your were a mpd patient? Did he love and care for you? What was the breaking point for you? Did you divorce before or after the book? Did he read the book?

Thank you.

Genalee, LA

Dear Genalee,

The episode on “The Joy Behar Show” was interesting. I was able to Google the show and watch the segment on the Ex-Wives Club. I am not a celebrity and far from fitting into the high profile divorces shown. For me, I divorced my husband after years of being mistreated. I stayed in my marriage much longer than I should have because I was afraid of making it on my own while battling a few illnesses. I felt unloved, uncared for, judged, and ignored while trying to heal. I needed support and didn’t receive any. My marriage started out wonderful. It first became problematic after the birth of my daughter. My husband couldn’t handle my illness, not only my multiplicity, but the depression and surgeries that came along with it.

My husband never cheated on me. Actually, he had his own issues and alcohol was his chosen addiction. I would’ve been happier divorcing him over infidelity than divorcing him for being cruel, heart less, and not sympathetic to my illnesses. When two people marry and become one, for better or for worse, they should each take responsibility for their own indiscretions. I always believed in the marriage vows we took. Unfortunately, once battered, mistreated, and un-loved–what kind of marriage is that? So we grew apart. I chose freedom. My ex-husband chose alcohol.

My husband never participated in my therapy. I was glad he didn’t. During my therapy, Dr. Baer helped me to survive the challenges of living with an alcoholic and raising our children to the best of my ability. Our children are doing fine. My ex-husband is now ill from his alcoholism.

I truly believe my ex-husband loved me at one time. We were married for over twenty-one years when we divorced. I don’t hate him. I wish him well and believe he feels the same. I needed to divorce him. And yes, my ex-husband did read the book, and afterwards he called me in tears and apologized. That was a very important turning point for both of us. Accepting the truth of my illness, his behavior that added to my distress, and the fact that we grew out of love with each other, led to our divorce. Switching Time was published six years after my divorce.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen