Comment by Ellen on 09 Dec 2009 at 9:35 am

Hi Karen,

Thank you for providing such a great on-line support system for the abused. I can’t get over your story. I was not abused as a child but a best girlfriend suffered such abuse by her father. I am now in my thirties and can’t stop thinking of my old friend from childhood. I haven’t seen her in over twenty years but was reminded of her by your story. Thank you for sharing your story. Because of you I searched for my old friend. Sadly she committed suicide eight years ago. I found her sister who is in therapy for being abused and told her that I knew. No one back then knew such things happened. It may be too late for my old friend but not for her sister who was also abused. I wish I knew what to do back then. I feel guilty for not doing anything to help her. What I could have done was out of my experience and knowledge. I was a child to. But your story is what needs to be told. I bet without you knowing it there are many child predators and sexual abusers defrayed from finding ignorant victims. With the knowledge you provided I personally know many people will now watch out for the signs. Thank you for bringing truth about the ugliness cast by jerks. Never stop what you are doing. It really helps people. It helped me understand. Thank you.

Ellen

Dear Ellen,

You’re very welcome! I’m sorry to hear your friend has taken her own life. That’s sad to hear. Sometimes when inner pain becomes too overwhelming to bear, an abused person can’t see a light at the end of their tunnel. You hadn’t mentioned if your friend was in therapy but I am glad to hear that her sister is currently doing her best to heal. Abuse is abuse; memories never really go away and need to be confronted and dealt with. This I know for sure.

It’s true that not much was discussed years ago. Most people who were abused felt shame and were unable to share, and those who knew were too ashamed to share for fear of being thought to be to blame. I believe that’s why it’s most important to share stories like mine. It’s my hope knowledge will be gained from my story, as well as from others’ who have also suffered at the hands of someone they wished loved them.

Please know that your friend’s death wasn’t your fault and the guilt you feel is normal under the circumstances. I would’ve felt the same way. I’m glad my story reminded you of her but sad that she took her own life before she was able to heal.

No child deserves to be mistreated and raped. All child sexual abusers need to be found and imprisoned for life.

I will continue to do my best to share my story in hope for an abuse free future.

Thank you for caring.

Karen