Comment by Layla on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:07 am

Hi Karen,

After all that you’ve been through you are wise and committed to helping people. I read your book and you are a hero to me. I do understand that life isn’t perfect for those like us who have suffered abuse but in your opinion or in your fantasies how would you describe the perfect union of husband wife, partners, parents raising children, etc? What would you like to see in people? How can people understand what they do not know? How can relationships marriages stay strong these days? What happened to love respect and all that stuff?

Layla, Detroit, MI

Dear Layla,

Very tough and interesting questions! Does anyone really know the secret to a healthy, happy relationship filled with trust, hope, love, faith, and respect? I have no real answer to your questions but have thoughts, fantasies, and desires for a sense of calm for each of us. Peace in our lives is my dream.

I believe each relationship, whether in marriage or friendship, needs to start with trust. In marriage, I believe that at the end of each day the only person you should want to see and talk with is your best friend, your spouse. Staying connected, being there for each other, unconditional love, and respect for each other’s desires and wishes is most important. I’ve never experienced such desires, but I hope to some day.

I once thought that the secret to a successful union was tolerance. That was before I learned about love. I believe when you love someone you carry them with you in your heart all the time, and that you smile for no reason for a few moments time and again throughout each day when the person crosses your mind. Feeling loved provides one with all the strength needed to live.

In response to your question: What happened to love, respect and all that stuff? It’s there. You just need to find it and treasure it when you do. Never allow someone to hurt you. Always remember that to be able to love and be loved you need to love yourself first.

Thank you for your compliments!

Karen