Comment by Chica on 12 Jan 2010 at 11:53 pm

Dear Karen,

During your episodes of switching did you ever fear that you were evil? Did you believe in demons taking over your soul? Do you believe in ghosts? Could all the above be a reason to dissociate and become a multiple personality person? Could you be evil and not know it? In the bible there is no mention of people like you so what do you think about that? I read possessed people are multiples. Why do you think God loves you when he allowed evil to enter you? Did anyone label you as an evil child at catholic school, the nuns or priests? Were you afraid your memory of rape came from the devil? I’m an atheist but since you have faith in your God of hurt I’m curious to why? How could you be a nice person after what you went through? It makes no sense to me. I am trying to understand you.

Thank you.

Chica

Idaho

Dear Chica,

No, I never feared that I was evil, although I was told I was by my father.  And I don’t believe demons had taken over my soul. There are no demons that cause multiplicity. It’s a mental coping mechanism to repeated abuse.

God loves me. This I know for sure. I’ve been grateful to receive the gift of a highly sophisticated coping mechanism, multiplicity. God is unable to change the evil motives in those who abuse. Somehow I always knew that I was guided and cared for by many guardian angels. I never feared being alone in the dark. I felt comforted whenever I was alone. I may have once doubted my faith, but I’ve been blessed time and again. It’s hard not to believe after all that I have overcome.

In Catholic school the nuns often misunderstood me. Once a nun asked me to write something on the board. I switched and kept writing without further permission. She deemed me evil and poured a bottle of Holy water over me. At that time I really felt evil. After all, a nun told me so. I cried that day and prayed. I felt a sense of calm come over me and knew I wasn’t evil.

Thank you for your questions. I am not evil; I am a survivor of abuse. Would it make a difference if I carried hatred and anger within me? I believe in being kind. I’ve been saved. I am grateful to be alive, and God willing, I will continue to help others.

Karen