Comment by Peggy on 18 Feb 2010 at 8:34 pm

Karen,

How are you? I am a victim of abuse like you, not a multiple but dissociated my abuse and pretended not to remember it. The problem is I do, and it eats at me everyday. Most family reunions cause me suicidal thoughts. Don’t know if its the same as multiplicity cause I have no alters but I can see myself in your story. You are brave, wish I was like you. Should I talk now. I am seventeen and was abused at twelve.

Dear Peggy,

I’m sorry to hear you were a victim of abuse. I understand trying not to remember the pain you suffered. It’s emotionally draining and causes dark thoughts. Dissociation comes in many forms. In my opinion, dissociating abuse is a victim’s survival mode, temporarily removing herself for protection, whether consciously or not. Unfortunately, you can’t truly hide from the reality of the attack, and your pain will resurface until dealt with in safety. I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but if I were you, I would talk to someone soon.

I know how participating in family events can trigger memories of abuse. Holding your sadness within you as a key-locked secret will only continue to eat at you until one day it festers to the point where you no longer can deal with it.

Please know you are not to blame for what happened to you. At twelve, you were a child and unprepared to deal with your abuser. Now, at seventeen, you have acknowledged that what happened was wrong. It’s never too late to report your abuser. But please talk to a professional therapist first.

I believe you are brave, too. After all, you did share your story with me. That’s an important first step. Please talk to someone now.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen