Comment by Melanie on 24 Feb 2010 at 5:27 pm

Karen,

I am feeling very depressed these days. I had discovered my father had sexually abused six young girls and is in prison. I was told he died, I don’t remember much about him. I was a baby when he was caught but want to know if he could have abused me to. I am sixteen and think he did hurt me. I have been depressed and seeing a therapist for ten months and my dreams are of being abused. My mother told my therapist my father use to beat me. Does a beating and being sexually abused feel the same? I searched for subjects on dissociation and found your book. How I feel is like how you felt. Are nightmares of being abused accurate? Did you ever doubt yourself? I am feeling exhausted writing. GTG

Mel

Dear Melanie,

I’m so sorry to hear what you found out about your father. I believe your Mom may have wanted to protect you so that your childhood would not be affected. I’m not sure telling you your father died was the right thing to do, but I’m not a therapist and can only give you my opinion. For you, seeking and starting therapy is important. It sounds as if you’ve allowed your Mom to be a part of your healing. That’s an important step to take. Whether you father sexually abused you or not doesn’t matter as much as how his abusive behavior has affected your Mom, other children, and you. It’s a good thing he was imprisoned for his crime. My father was imprisoned for child abuse, too.

If you are experiencing nightmares and dreams of being abused, you may have been. My dreams were filled with such horror, and I doubted myself, too. After awhile I knew in my heart my thoughts and dreams were true. I knew because my dreams triggered memories and I asked questions to confirm them. Not only did my mother confirm some things, but my memories became clearer after each alter integrated.

Not all of my dreams were accurate. I’ve had some dreams that I have dismissed because I couldn’t back them up. I believe dreams can contain a variety of mixed feelings and thoughts and don’t necessarily depict reality.

I understand how exhausting dealing with such intimate feelings can be. Please try to understand what you are experiencing is a normal part of your healing process. Always rest when you need to. The energy required to heal can be disabling. It disabled me for years. Please take care of yourself.

Wishing you a safe journey to healing.

Karen