Comment by Chelsea on 02 Mar 2010 at 2:04 pm

Hi Karen,

Do you still think of suicide? I do. In hearing about Marie Osmonds son jumping from the balcony of his apartment to his death my thought was now he is at peace from the pain he suffered unseen. I am18 like Michael was. I am a teen trying to appear perfect for my parents. I have embarrassed them a few times and promised to behave. But reality is tough. Why bother when there aren’t enough jobs for our parents. Who will hire us? Why should we try hard to fail? I know your older than me but do you ever think of giving up? I am not suicidal but every time I hear another movie star or teen dying I get sad and think about it again. In my 4 years of high school six students I knew committed suicide. Don’t you think somethings wrong with this picture? Your book helped me through some possible reasons why people suicide. I was searching for answers to help a friend who I thought was like you. She was not and said she lied about everything to get a lot of our friends attention before she suicided. As friends we should have told someone, we assumed she was lying when she told us what she was going to do. I read your book too late. I was of no help whatsoever. How sad your life was. If you chose to suicide now what would your reason be?

Chelsea

Seattle

Dear Chelsea,

Many thought filled questions! I hear you and understand your concerns. I’m sorry for your loss. I feel very sad myself for all those who suicide before realizing there is help available. How sad that your friend chose suicide as a way out of her temporary troubles when life can be so much better later on!  Dr. Baer has often said to me suicide only seems like a reasonable thing when you can’t see into your own future. Sometimes that’s hard to do that at eighteen.  How do you know what life will be like when you’re 26?  But there’s so much ahead of you and you can make it good if you want to.

Please don’t blame yourself for your friend’s suicide. I can tell you and your friends really cared about her.  It’s true; it’s hard to believe when someone says they’re suicidal. I know this because I threatened suicide many times. I told Dr. Baer many times I wanted to die and threatened to end my life if things became more than I could handle.  He was always trying to figure out how serious I was about it.

I still think of suicide, but not in the same way as I once did. It’s only normal for someone like me, at times of great stress, confusion, and dark thoughts, to be reminded of how I longed for a way out in the past. After all I’ve been through, reminders of how I used to think resurface time and again. Therapy can’t completely take away such thoughts, but trying to live your best life and keeping stress to a minimum helps.  The difference is to know whether those dark suicidal thoughts are a threat and to deal with them quickly. I’ve discovered that when I feel suicidal, I need to acknowledge those thoughts and put them in their rightful place. I do my best to keep my thoughts positive and moving forward.

I’m glad to hear that Switching Time was helpful in bringing to you an understanding of depression, suicide, and abuse. Please remember, you did the best you could to help your friend.  Neither you nor she was aware of the proper actions to take to seek help.

I hope never again to be tempted to suicide. I pray never to experience such horrific inner pain that would lead me back to those thoughts. If I did, I would seek immediate help. I am an adult now and my thoughts have changed. Now that I am more aware of myself and I can better see my future, I highly doubt I am capable of suicide. There are too many people who care for me. When I felt suicidal in my past, I felt no one cared.

Thank you for sharing and caring.

Karen