Comment by Nicky on 11 Mar 2010 at 7:50 pm

Dear Karen

Thank you so much for answering my previous questions. I also agree with Sister Darlene, you are “God-sent”! I would love to have a book to read from your view point now, then maybe I would understand more of what my granddaughter is going through from her side. Do you remember how you thought and felt at or around age 5 in regards to your switching and losing time? I would like more insight into how it is for her. Also what would you think and feel when you switched and weren’t where you were last time you were out? Are all of them considered Alts or is there a main one or original one? She often says she feels weird. Do you know what she means by that? When you where her age did your Alts share what happened during the day with each other or was that when you got older? Did one or more of your Alts take responsibility for what another Alt did? At what age did your Alts get there individual names and how did that come about?

Thank you so much for helping me.

Nicky

Dear Nicky,

Thank you for your kind and encouraging thoughts about me writing my version of my story. That’s something I hope to do. A book from my point of view could be helpful for a better understanding on how I functioned on a daily basis as a multiple, a Mom, a wife, and a worker, all at the same time.

I remember a little about being five years old. I remember the abuse because it was traumatic and vividly committed to memory. I also remember being hospitalized for over a month and returning to my kindergarten class activities. My switching and losing time were dismissed as, “Well, Karen is sick again today.” I believe my switching became “normal” behavior for a returning sick child. At least that’s how the nuns and students treated me. The nuns questioned my behavior but assumed it was medically related to the aneurysm I had. I now believe it was dissociation and no one had the knowledge to recognize it.  I was often excused for illness.

Headaches were a constant part of my life, as well as nausea, trembling, and often appearing spaced out. No one took any of those signs seriously. I was being abused and everyone assumed I had some physical illness. My parents’ lies inhibited any action from being taken. The nuns simply prayed for me to get well. There were visible signs of my being abused, but all signs were ignored rather than acknowledged. That’s why I share my story, to bring knowledge and awareness to what can happen to an abused child.

A multiple switches when in danger, is threatened, or feels uncertain of herself. There is no way to know when switching will stop. For me, my switching stopped once my alters integrated and I no longer needed them to defend me. I was not one until integration was complete. I never believed there was one main part of me, just many parts of me.

I hope my answers help you understand the mindset of a child multiple, but please know I am not a therapist. Each multiple is unique. My experiences must not be compared to your granddaughter’s experiences or another multiple’s. It’s important that you never suggest names to your granddaughter, her alters will name themselves when they are ready or if they need to. You shouldn’t be an enabler of multiplicity. And never ask for alters by name, always address your granddaughter by her given name.

Wishing you a sense of calm while raising your grandchild.

All my best,

Karen