Comment by Pheobe on 19 Apr 2010 at 8:15 am

Dear Richard, Karen can see this too.

I am writing to you instead of Karen because I wonder why you are not answering questions to. I have D.I.D. and don’t believe integration really works. I have been fooling my therapist for many years. I don’t have alters but pretend I do so he cares for me. I felt him getting annoyed with me so created alters for him to like me again and it worked. Could you tell if Karen was fooling you? My therapist must be stupid. But you seem to know Karen. What if Karens alters never integrated and are still around? What if she fooled you into thinking her alters integrated when they really did not. If you and Karen are real then I better stop playing games with my therapist. You guys are great. But reading your book left me feeling guilty as hell. What do you think I should do? Tell by therapist? Quit therapy? Kill myself?

PHEOBE

Dear Pheobe,

Thank you for sharing. Below I have attached a note from Dr. Baer. I too, understand your dilemma.  During my years in therapy I felt at times that I annoyed Dr. Baer, too, but that was my perception, not his. I believe my own feelings bounced off of him and back to me. I would see and hear myself in Dr. Baer’s lack of reaction. That’s what therapy is. A therapist is like a wall to bounce your own thoughts off of. I believe when you hear yourself speak as someone else hears you it moves your therapy forward. Therefore, you heal yourself.

I believe you are in need of help but not for what you wish your therapist to believe about you. Maybe your therapist already knows this? Please share your truth. Spending time on false issues will continue to weigh against your healing. We all have our own journey to travel. It’s never too late to start again. Becoming someone else to please your therapist is an issue in itself. Have faith in yourself. Do the right thing and tell your therapist that you have been lying and why you felt you needed to make up an interesting story to please him.

Please know that your therapist is working for you, to help guide you in the right direction. Your therapist can’t help if you don’t trust him with the truth about yourself and the reason you sought his help. Take a step back and remember why you chose to seek help in the first place. There will be your answer.

Wishing you all my best as you change the path to your healing, follow your instincts and move forward in truth.

Karen

Below is a note from Dr. Baer:

Phoebe, you have an interesting dilemma.  I don’t think you have any choice but to tell your therapist the truth.  There seems to be no future in carrying on the charade.  When you tell him, if he’s any kind of therapist, he will react with curiosity and understanding, and the two of you can explore why you made the choice you did and what you can learn from that.

Suicide is never a reasonable option.

Good luck.

Richard Baer, MD