Comment by Grace on 06 May 2010 at 10:59 am

Dear Karen,

How are you?I am not doing well and needed to write to someone.I believe my life is over. I can’t stand living with two men who abuse me. I dont think I am a multiple like you but go away when they rape me.not at the same time but both do.I am a foster child age 17. I will be 18 in december and have no one to turn to. Two of the other foster boys rape me whenever they want to. I am afraid to tell anyone because I don’t wish to go back into foster care in another home. I got a job and am saving some money to get out on my own. I am bothered since I read your book. I think I am using some ideas of dissociation without really dissociating. I pretend I dont remember the rapes but do. If I pretend nothing happened then no one gets hurt. What will happen to me if I keep doing this? Will I become a multiple?

Grace

Name changed for protection

Dear Grace,

I’m so sorry to hear you’re suffering and trying to handle rape on your own. I know you’re afraid to upset your situation, but believe me when I say you need to seek help as soon as possible. If your foster parents are kind and responsible they will respect you and not allow any further harm to come to you. I don’t believe they will send you away. But they may need to send your foster brothers away. What your foster brothers are doing to you is wrong and shameful.

Abuse is abuse. Rape is rape. And you are being abused and raped. I believe your feeling of going away is a form of dissociation. Please tell someone: a counselor at school, your social worker, and your foster parents to start. You do not need to suffer alone. You need to do this to survive. It’s not okay to allow this to continue. Please seek immediate help.  Just think if your abusers are doing the same to other young women or children! It’s not okay.

I admire you for wanting to take care of yourself by getting a job, saving, and dreaming of moving out, but please be realistic. The pain you are enduring will follow you. It’s hard to let go of such horrid experiences. It’s impossible to run away from yourself. A qualified therapist will help you find the right path to heal. First you need to talk. I believe you are trying to dissociate to eliminate your trauma. Trust me, it isn’t helpful to try to force yourself to forget. It won’t work, and will only postpone an avalanche of inner chaos in the future. You mention you pretend no one gets hurt. That’s not true, you’re already hurt. And you need to take care of yourself first. Do not worry about your abusers, you are the victim.

Wishing you all my best. I have faith in you. Please do what you know is best for you.

Karen