Comment by Nadia on 7-6-2010 at 12:15 am

Dear Karen,

I am hurting badly. I am about to deliver a baby from after being raped by my father. I have two months to go in my pregnancy and haven’t told anyone it was my father who raped me. I was a virgin before that rape . I feel sick at the thought. And get this he slapped me around for getting pregnant!!!!!!! I am thirteen and my father raped me. I want to give this child a chance of a better life by putting her up for adoption. How do I explain that away to those in the family already calling me a whore? I am afraid. I have nowhere to live and am suppose to start in high school in August and my baby is due in September. I read your book for ideas on how to dissociate and my friends mother told me about you. I have been pretending okay but feel bad. I don’t want my new high school friends to think I am a whore.

What would you do Karen? I need advice. Can you help me and send an answer before August? Thank you!

Nadia

Dear Nadia,

I understand and empathize with your experience. It’s terrible to hear that your pregnancy is the result of being raped by your father. A baby should be welcomed and celebrated. It’s unacceptable that you are struggling with this alone.

Please know that you are not a whore; you are a victim. What happened to you was not your fault, no matter how your father or anyone else tries to explain away your pregnancy. You have done nothing wrong! You are a young adult just beginning to explore life, love, and all that comes from building respect and trust in relationships. What happened to you is criminal. Your father stole your freedom and your innocence. That is not acceptable. That is illegal. Your father needs to be imprisoned.

At thirteen it’s hard enough to feel confidant when your self-esteem is not challenged. There are choices you can make to turn your life around in a positive way. First, you don’t need to start school in your last month of pregnancy; you can be excused with a simple note from your doctor.

If I were you I would immediately report your rape to the police. Tell the police that your pregnancy is the result of your father raping you. Tell them what you have shared with me. What your father did was a criminal act. Rape is rape. Rape is a crime.

I admire your decision to have a family adopt your baby. It sounds to me as if you are wise beyond your years, and have thoroughly thought through your decision to find a family for your child. I believe there are organizations that can help you. Of course, there will be steps that must be taken in order to secure the safety of you and your unborn child. The police will help you with this. I would immediately plan to speak to the authorities, without your father knowing. He will be arrested, and he must be, because he has raped you and committed incest. You must not try to protect your abuser, no matter how much trouble you think it will cause.

I know you are afraid. I would be, too! Please don’t carry this alone. Please seek help and know that I am here if you need support. Though I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, I can share my opinion. Dr. Baer agrees with me on this, too.

Wishing you all my best to safely make the right decisions for you and your unborn baby. Thank you for choosing me to write to about your thoughts. I have faith in you. I believe you already know in your heart what’s the right thing to do. Don’t be afraid. Be brave.

Karen