Comment by Savannah on 12 Jun 2010 at 3:38 pm

Hello Karen,

I have DID as well, and am attempting to coexist with 7 others. How did you come to realize that you had alters? I come from an extremely abusive childhood as well, and my only hope is that one day i can just be me. no memory losses, time losses, depression or anxiety. just me. the hardest part of dealing with DID is other’s disbelief of my mental state. they want “proof”. i think they just want a show, and that that’s a horrible thing to ask someone. ..have you ever felt you were on display? or has anyone close to you ever refuse to believe in your DID?

Dear Savannah,

I’m sorry to hear that you were a victim of childhood abuse, too. Yes, there were a few times someone wished me to produce proof of my multiplicity and asked that I switch to another alter so they could see for themselves. Some even tried to provoke a “switch” in me. But I kept this private. Sometimes I walked away. I chose not to share too much of my life, therapy sessions, or past history in order to protect myself from that sort of attention. I believe people are curious to see something bizarre; encouraging them was not in my best interest. There is an assumption that multiplicity is just an act, but it’s a true illness that most people simply don’t understand. There is a reason why alters are created. To cope with being severely abused as a child.

During my journey, my alters were there to keep me out of the limelight, help me survive, and protect me from harm. My alters would appear not on command, but as needed if there was a threat towards me.  That’s one reason why I share my story, to provide truth to a misperceived illness that most find hard to believe.

I tried to co-exist with my alters, but that did not work for me. Co-existing with my alters proved to cause more chaos than help. Integration was the best choice for me. The only way to one day become one, as you wish to be, is through integration. My alters merged within me. They are all a part me. I am my alters. The difference is there are no separate distinct alters switching throughout my everyday life. I deal with life as one woman with a variety of interests.

Wishing you a safe journey.

Karen