Comment by Bethany Michelle on 24 Jun 2010 at 10:25 am

Dear Karen.

You are a kind hearted person to answer questions after being hurt. I admire your courage but question how you do it? I am a survivor of rape and child sexual abuse. I am not mpd or did but often dissociate my pain. Like you I have fantasies and dreams of a better life but can’t seem to be bothered with sharing like you do. Why is that so? If someone approaches you with all their troubles and woes what do you say to them? How do you not become frustrated? I would like to know.

Bethany Michelle, Colorado

Dear Bethany Michelle,

I’m not sure how I’m able to listen to people, but I do. And I don’t mind. I was listening to others as a young girl of nine. Every day after dinner I would visit many who lived on my block. I would start with my next-door neighbors, sit and listen to their stories for about ten minutes, move down a few houses, do the same thing, and repeat. I would visit about a dozen on both sides of the block and end up at an ice cream parlor where the kind man who owned it listened to me. I never shard my pain with him, only the good, helpful things, but I felt good about doing so. The many neighbors who believed me to be thoughtful and wise started looking forward to my visits and soon would worry if I didn’t show up. Those were fond memories in my otherwise dysfunctional world. Somehow listening to others temporarily took away the pain I suffered inside. Distraction?  I always feel good while listening. It comes naturally to me. It’s what I do and is part of my purpose.

What do I do when people approach me with their troubles and woes? I simply listen and never question or advise them. I admit, I can get frustrated, too! But all in all, I have quite a bit of tolerance and have the ability to adapt to each person. I try my best to take care of myself first. If I feel threatened or irritated, I take a deep breath, change the subject, or leave. We are all human and no matter how hard we try, there will be times when enough is enough.

I believe in treating others as we ourselves hope to be treated.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen