Comment by Cal on 12 Aug 2010 at 3:51 pm

Karen,

Did you ever overcome all your fears of clowns, polka dots, gray painted things? I was curious to when that happened and what thoughts you have now after not being abused anymore? Another two questions please. Do people still tend to take advantage of you? Do you make mistakes and regret them?

Thank you for helping me overcome my fears by sharing your overwhelming story.

Cal

Dear Cal,

Yes, I’ve overcome my fears of clowns, polka dots, and the color gray. As a matter of fact, I own a gray car. Though I do admit I continue not to like clowns. I assume it’s because their painted faces don’t allow me to tell what they’re thinking. My survival depended on “reading” people and their body language. Clowns no longer draw fear in me; I just can’t read them.

My thoughts on abuse continue in my effort to help others. Abuse is abuse. Healing is a life-long journey. I never think of being or not being abused. Once abused there will always be a trigger that comes up now and then, reminding me of what happened to me. The difference is now I am able to recognize it, acknowledge that it happened to me, and put it aside where it belongs–in my past.

It’s very easy for me to be taken advantage of if I’m not careful. I would love to trust all those I come into contact with, but I’ve had to learn the hard way. I can’t say I regret the relationships that have let me down, but it’s hard to imagine someone wanting to hurt me after all these years of abuse. By allowing myself a moment to reflect, step back, breathe, and try again, helps me to forgive myself and those who have betrayed me. I never hold a grudge.

Thank you for your questions and compliments,

Karen