Comment by Carrie on 23 Aug 2010 at 6:03 pm

Hi Karen,

I wondered if your mom ever stepped out of denial to admit to her looking the other way. Did she ever apologize? I marvel at how your alters, Katherine and Holden, were like the parents you never had.

Love and blessings,

Carrie

Dear Carrie,

Yes, my mother briefly stepped out of her denial mode and “slipped” in many conversations, admitting that she was more aware of what happened than she ever led me to believe. A few times, in anger, she said that I deserved to be abused and have all those horrible things happen to me.

Still, I have forgiven her. Why? It is not my place to judge her. In letting go of my fear and anger towards my mother and her lack of affection, I was able to move forward and heal. My mind created my own inner world with perfect parents, Katherine and Holdon. I am grateful for that. I will no longer be kept a prisoner of my past. And, no, sadly, my mother has never apologized to me for not being there and preventing me from being hurt. I do not believe my mother ever will comprehend the magnitude of my suffering. Narcissistic? Maybe. Ignorance? Yes.

My mother was traumatized and abused, too. I am her witness. I believe my mother chose to ignore me rather than face the consequences of trying to protect me. During my childhood, my mother was beaten regularly by my father whenever she did not comply with his demands. My mother was forcefully controlled by my father, but compared to me, a child, she should have voiced her objections to stop my abusers. My mother let me down.

Thank you for your questions. I hope my answers help you to understand more about denial, being ignored and abused by those who should love you.

Karen