Comment by Lynda on 27 Jul 2010 at 6:52 pm

Hi Karen,

Your story shook me. I am pleased to be able to write to you. I was raped as a child and never got over it. I am not sure how to start getting help. What do you need to do? If I make an appointment with a therapist how do I build a relationship? What will therapist need from me? Do therapists require proof of sexual abuse from another source like a police report? Would a therapist call my abusers and tell them I am in therapy? would my therapist contact the police? I don’t know how safe therapy is. How did you find out you can trust Doctor Baer? Did he tell you to trust him or was it some kind of feeling you had? Well that’s it for now. You are my inspiration. I hope to heal like you did.

Thank you for your time.

Lynda

Dear Lynda,

I am sorry to hear that you are also a victim of abuse. I know it’s difficult to comprehend all that you have gone through and find a therapist to accompany you on your journey. It was hard for me to build trust with Dr. Baer, too. Please know that there is no quick fix or way to heal from the past. For me, it took many years to find relief and build trust. Once abused those fears tend to permeate in every area of one’s life. Trying to make that first step to seek help is hard but necessary. Please don’t try to ignore the signs that keep you stuck in your past. That will only keep you feeling ill. Never getting over it is like saying your abusers won. Please don’t allow those who have abused you to keep you a prisoner of the present and future. You survived, now it’s time to heal…

Therapy really does help. It’s hard at first, I won’t lie, but I would not have survived without the help of sharing with my therapist. In a good therapeutic relationship your therapist will not judge you, tell you what to do, or make you feel guilty about your experiences and feelings. He or she will listen intently and help you understand your own thoughts. Think of your therapist as a wall to bounce your own thoughts off of. A therapist does not heal you; a therapist helps you heal yourself. Your therapist does not need anything from you but a promise that you are serious about wanting to heal.

There is no need to provide proof of being abused. No need to provide police reports, unless you want to share them with your therapist. It’s up to you. Most victims never talk about being abused until they share in the safety of therapy. I believe you already know that you want to heal. A good therapist will not call the police and report your abusers unless you want his help to do so. He will talk to you about it and you will decide together on what actions to take, if any, and your therapist will never call your abusers and let them know you are in therapy. That’s a violation of his license and against the ethics required to treat patients.

A good therapist will never tell his patient to trust him.  That’s silly.  Trust needs to be earned over time through mutual respect. Remember your therapist is working for you and will do all that’s necessary to help you. Therapy felt safe to me. It’s my hope that you, too, will find the right therapist to accompany you on your journey. If I were you I would seek help as soon as possible. Before revealing all on the first visit, take time to build rapport with your chosen therapist. Once you feel comfortable you will be able to move forward at your own speed. It takes time to heal. Please don’t give up. I’ve built the most amazing relationship that ultimately led to my healing.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I have faith in you. Please take care of yourself.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen