Comment by Alexa on 26 Sep 2010 at 11:23 am

Dear Karen,

I am amazed that you are alive after all that happened to you. Good luck in your future. May you find peace and happiness. Know that you are loved by so many people who you have given so freely your heart. Take care. God Bless you and keep you in good spirits. Has anyone hugged you lately? I cried at the end of the book when Dr. Richard finally gave you the hug he deprived you of for so many years. Hugs are not bad. My psychologist hugs me after each session. It’s a healthy caring feeling I carry until the next time we meet.

Alexa

Dear Alexa,

Thank you for your well wishes and compliments! I, too, am amazed to be alive. Life may have been difficult for me but I was lucky to have found help and support from Dr. Baer, family, and friends.

I do receive, give, and accept hugs these days and feel good about it. I always felt a hug to be very important to my healing. For me, a hug represented acceptance and care. I never thought a hug would be any more than that. But sometimes hugs can bring out discomfort in others.

I don’t blame Dr. Baer nor feel he deprived hugging me on purpose. A hug to Dr. Baer was much more his issue than mine. I understand that his professionalism got in the way while he was trying to be the best therapist he could be. I have accepted that as a part of him and never held a grudge. I am now grateful when he hugs me when we meet. But I understand why a hug was not something he was comfortable with during the therapeutic part of our relationship.

Hugs are not bad, but they can cause chaos for someone with many alters like I once had. If Dr. Baer would’ve hugged me and a younger, traumatized alter mistook that simple hug as an abusive act, our therapy would not have survived. Each relationship is unique and it takes time to build trust and heal. Dr. Baer did his best to be sure that no harm came to me and my alters. That didn’t mean Dr. Baer didn’t want to share a hug, it meant he couldn’t at that time. Dr. Baer’s no touch, no hug treatment worked best for me. Though I would’ve loved a hug from him, I now look back and understand why it was best not to have received one. I survived. Dr. Baer treated me with respect.

Thank you for your questions and thoughts,

Karen