Comment by Emily on 05 Nov 2010 at 11:46 am

I am thirty years old and in therapy with a well known psychiatrist but can’t for the life of me feel any connection to him. I am asking how you built rapport with your therapist. How did you receive help and how did you manage to stay with him and engaged in therapy over many years. What kept you in his care? My therapist is nice but after three years I can’t bond. Do you have any advice for me? I feel like quitting. I have D.I.D. and need help not aggravation. Another thing he’s never on time.

Emily

Dear Emily,

I understand. It took time for me to build trust and rapport with Dr. Baer, too! There is no secret to bonding, it happens when your healing begins and as your relationship develops. Staying engaged in the therapy process was no easy task. I was fortunate not to have felt threatened by Dr. Baer. During my sessions, Dr. Baer remained calm, accepting, and did not appear overwhelmed by my distress. Though I’m sure he must’ve felt overwhelmed by empathizing with my story, he did not share his grief with me. I believed Dr. Baer cared. I was more concerned with frightening him away or that he would be unable to treat me. I felt toxic and did not wish to hurt him or anyone. Dr. Baer never gave up on me. I needed unconditional care to help me help myself. I needed to be heard. Dr. Baer listened.

I’m not sure how to advise you since I’m not a therapist. I believe it takes time to heal. One thing that helped me was that Dr. Baer was never late. Having an on-time therapist was best for me. Lateness would have frustrated me and hurt my feelings. Dr. Baer and I worked well together in part because we respected each other’s time. Have you shared with your therapist how his lateness affects you? Tell him. Maybe together you can find a solution?

I admit there were a few times I felt like quitting, too. But I learned my feelings were misplaced. Together, Dr. Baer and I would discuss whatever confused and disturbed me regarding my therapy. Those dark thoughts and feelings usually resurfaced from some memory from my past. A reminder or trigger. Once I understood that I was able to learn where my reactions were coming from. Please talk over your concerns with your therapist. In doing so perhaps you will find the bond you are looking for. Be open. Be honest. And don’t worry about what he thinks…your therapist is there to help you, not hurt you.

Please know that at any time during your therapy you can seek out another therapist for a second opinion. Remember, therapy is hard enough to maintain; there is no room for disrespect. If your present therapist isn’t right for you, please find a therapist you feel comfortable working with. It’s your choice, your decision. Life is too short to not receive the appropriate help you need on your journey to wellness.

Wishing you all my best,

Karen