Comment by Jeanette/Carla on 03 Dec 2010 at 9:58 pm

Hi Karen

I just listened to your interview, it must be running every hour, I caught it at 6pm and it looks like it’s getting ready to run again. You did a fantastic job! Many Kudos to you, congrats!

I have to tell you that your book was difficult for me to get through, a lot of tears, especially when Dr. Baer talked about Miles and was it Holdon? The angry boys. I really broke down on that. It is so painful, I know that you know what I mean. I have been ignoring those parts, I have little boy parts and have been avoiding them. I am stuck in this one part of my life where things are starting to come up and out and I know that I haven’t gotten through to the worst parts yet and it is so frightening and the pain is just pushing up. I have been trying to keep them at bay I think, I don’t know how, I just know that I am afraid of them and the pain they hold. But just hearing you and Dr. Baer mention your boys broke me.

It’s not fun going through this. I get so angry sometimes. I get angry when I see people out here in cyberworld trivialize all this, bragging almost that they have MPD or DID and it’s almost as if they are trying to outdo each other and I want to strangle them. It’s much too painful to trivialize. If they were struggling with it, they wouldn’t be trivializing it.

I appreciate you very much Karen. I see people like you and it gives me hope. Because there are days that feel so hopeless. So overwhelming. I want to wake up and find out this is all some kind of really bad joke. Because it feels so hopeless, like it’s never going to come together, I’m never going to come together. But then I see you and know that it can be done, there is hope, just keep pushing each day. Keep pushing. It is much more frightening than when I didn’t know anything about anything. When I didn’t remember my life, or my week or my day. It was easier then. But I have to believe that this will all pass and healing will happen and it will all be over with eventually.

Thank you for your presence, it means a great deal to someone like me who needs hope. You are such a warm, beautiful person and I am so grateful to have crossed paths and gained courage from you. If you are a praying person, please remember me when you can. I have found that I haven’t the ability these days to do much praying myself, but I do believe in it. I have some issues to work through in this area, but I do believe in it.

(Hugs) ♥

Jeanette/Carla

Dear Jeanette/Carla,

I hear you. Thank you so much for your heartfelt message. I’m inspired by your determination! Seeing your posts each day on Facebook helped me. We all search for peace and understanding. By sharing, knowledge is gained. I truly believe that there is a reason things happen. I’m glad to have met you. Please continue on your journey in the best way you can. Many times I felt like my multiplicity was never ending, but with faith and determination, I proved myself wrong. Healing does happen; it simply takes patience, support, understanding and time.

During my therapy, I tried to ignore my boy alters, especially the anger in them. Keeping secrets in therapy did not work. I became depressed and hopeless. On the outside, I never appeared angry and I could not accept that there were troubled parts of me ready to explode with deep emotional trauma. I didn’t want to believe the horror my alters held separate from me. I tried to fight those dark memories, but there was no escape. Finally, after much resistance, I shared my pain with Dr. Baer. It turned out that my angry alters were my protection. My anger was kept separate from me so that I could survive. It was an extreme coping mechanism that I used to keep my abuse away from me. I believe once you start sharing with your therapist, your journey will take on a new path to healing. A sense of calm will come after the storm.

There will always be people who criticize multiples. Why? Because of lack of knowledge. That’s why I share my story.

Please know that I’m here for you. Wishing you all my best for a safe journey to wellness.

Karen