Comment by Kelly Hendrix on 16 Dec 2010 at 11:34 am

I am the wife of a lovely man who has suffered similar to you, but differently in that he was gang raped by his step-father and his cop friend….we are living in hell…he kept his shame a secret until this year…so for 22 years…he lived alone with the chaos in his mind. I am reading the book about your life now and I am crying for you and my husband daily. Your courage will give me hope to see John thru to our end…and hopefully integrating.

Dear Kelly,

Thank you for writing! I’m glad that your husband shared his pain with you. It’s not easy to share the abuse suffered in one’s past, but be assured that once your husband accepts his being abused, the weight of the emotional burden he’s held inside by keeping his horrific secret becomes less to carry. It takes time to heal.

I am glad for the therapy I received. My alters caused too much chaos for me. Of course, my alters were a God sent coping mechanism for me as a child. I know my alters always served my best interests helping me to survive. But as an adult I needed them less. I never really lost my alters; I am my alters and my alters are me. Integration gave me peace.

I never imagined I would feel acceptance, respect, support, and encouragement during the process of telling all, but I did. There is a sense of calm in being free of the bind of lies that once held me prisoner within myself. By sharing, seeking help, and healing, I am in control. If I had not shared and acknowledged my abuse, I would have allowed my abusers to control me from the grave. Being a survivor means releasing, letting go, gaining knowledge from what happened, and moving forward by helping yourself and others.

I have a bad day now and then, but at least I know where my dark thoughts come from. My dark thoughts belong in my past and are no longer welcome in my present or my future.

Best of luck to you!

Karen