Comment by Heidi on 07 Feb 2011 at 4:27 pm

Dear Karen,

It has been awhile since I wrote, but I think I need a reality check from someone who has been where I am. Just a brief reminder, I’m a single mom with DID. I’m finding it hard for the last month or so to go even a few hours without switching, I’m exhausted and it feels like things inside are more chaotic than ever. I am struggling to find a therapist who knows how to treat DID where I live, or who even believes in it. I had one, but there were things that happened that were not totally within therapeutic bounds, which made many uncomfortable. Do you have any strategies to maybe collect everyone, enough to have at least 24 hours of being present?  How are you anyway? I have also started writing and I was curious if you would be interested in reading it…

Much love and peace,

Heidi

Dear Heidi,

I understand where you’re coming from. There was a time during my years in therapy when my alters kept switching back and forth, too. I believe my alters were in chaos during intense moments and whenever something triggered a past feeling. I know the unveiling of past abuse during my efforts to grow and heal caused uneasiness among all those within me. Why? I believe my alters were once my only protectors and would feel threatened by any change. It’s difficult to say why one’s alters are active and the cause of that.  Simply knowing that you are on a journey toward healing could be change enough for constant switching.

My alters’ actions settled down once I felt safe and secure in my therapy. Once trust was established and I felt “heard”, my alters began to work together. A compromise of sorts. My alters grew to trust Dr. Baer, and then I grew to trust him, too. If there’s alter chaos, it could be due to trust issues and discussing this must become a part of your therapy. Please remember that I am not a therapist and I’m sharing my thoughts based on my personal journey. Each of us is unique and we each require someone who can help us move forward.

Finding the right therapist to suit your needs is very important. It’s common to be uncomfortable sharing your story with someone. But if you distrust your therapist, then trust your instincts, share your feelings of mistrust with your therapist, and perhaps you’ll find airing this issue is just what you need to solve it. Always remember that your therapist is working to help you help yourself. Building trust is one step towards healing. It took me years to build trust in Dr. Baer.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey to wholeness.

Karen