Comment by June on 09 Feb 2011 at 10:49 pm

I listened to Dr Baer’s book on CD. I found it very informative. I say that because I read everything I can on DID. I have two daughters with this tough mental condition. As their mother I was devastated to find out about their horrifying abuse 12 years ago. They were sexually abused by their biological father and for so many years I never knew. I have a lot of sadness and disbelief i didn’t see what was going on right in my own house. Sociopaths are very good at hiding their evil. I have never, not once, not believed them or not supported their efforts to heal. I am so sorry you and any children have to endure mans inhumanity to children. The thing I wonder about is if my daughter’s therapist is working hard enough to integrate their personalities and if they should. They have been in therapy for 12 years and i don’t see that they have integrated. My youngest daughter the most damaged and will not talk to me about what is going on with her but I can tell that she still has personalities she deals with. She has as many as over 50 I’ve been told by her sister who shares a lot with me. Her sister is starting for the first time this year, is better. I don’t get calls almost daily in her alter voices and other upsetting things that have been happening in the past. I don’t think she has integrated either though. I would like to know if you feel like integrating has helped to this day? I do hope you continue to heal from the very tough thing you had to endure as a child.

Warm wishes,

June

Dear June,

Thank you for sharing! I am sorry that your daughters have suffered as I did, but I’m glad to hear that they are in therapy.  Healing for me is a life long journey.  My healing journey included eighteen years of therapy and continues on as I live my life in hope. Sharing was always difficult for me.  Sometimes sharing with those close to you is more difficult than sharing with a stranger. What’s most important is that your daughter is sharing with her therapist. It takes times to heal. And each of us must heal at our own pace. Please continue to support and encourage your children. Being available to listen is the best way to gain trust. I’m sure when your daughter is ready to share, she will make her own decision based on feeling safe to do so. I wish your daughters all my best.

As for integration, it was the best decision for me in order to heal. I admit I contemplated whether integration was in my best interest. But once I realized I would not “lose” my alters, that my alters would simply be added to my own self by merging together, I felt more at ease. My life has changed–in a good way. Integration provided me with a sense of calm, a inner peace with additional wisdom that has been given for me in part by my alters. I am one woman who may have had suffered much abuse, but my alters helped me during a chaotic stressful childhood. As an adult I no longer need alter help. As an adult I am able to take care of my own life. There is no longer a need to have alters. I believe my alters were a God sent coping mechanism that helped me survive until I was able to live on my own.  But finally, my alters needed to merge so I could live my life to the fullest.

I agree sociopaths are very good at hiding evil. When I look back and recall my abusers, their looks, their actions, and even when I look at old pictures of them, I can’t see any evil.  Looks and actions can be deceiving. Many times I couldn’t share or explain what was happening to me for fear of not being believed because of my abusers’ status or assumed reputation. But abuse is abuse.

I wish you and your daughters all my best as they continue their healing. Please know that I continue my journey to becoming my best self.

It is my desire to encourage hope through sharing my story.

Karen