Comment by Louise on 15 Feb 2011 at 3:38 pm

Hello Karen,

I just finished reading Switching Time this weekend. I am a Christian counselor. I have a client who has been passed through the system for years. After working with her in her home, I realized she has DID.

She was relieved to gain understanding and seemed eager to move toward healing. Recently, however, she has been challenging me, and wanting to direct therapy. She even cancels appointments when she is “feeling fine.”

Could she be doing this because she is afraid to move forward? She switches so quickly and so often that it is very difficult to get a consensus from her. Any insight would be helpful.

Thank you for what you have done. The book was very helpful.

Louise

Dear Louise,

Thank you for sharing your dilemma with me. I understand how working with someone who has been passed through the system can be difficult. I was fortunate Dr. Baer never gave up on me and sent me on my way to find another therapist. But I believe that if you truly care, your relationship will build a bond in trust that can’t be broken. It took me many years to form a trusting and respectful relationship with Dr. Baer.

I’m not sure what you mean by “direct therapy”? If you mean she’s trying to take over control of the sessions and she misses appointments because she’s “feeling fine,” then she’s probably afraid of moving further in therapy.  You should tell her that, if that’s what you think, and just be patient.  It’s important for the therapist to be the therapist, and not be swayed by the patient’s behavior.

Dr. Baer and I had a consistent schedule with each other. In addition to our once or twice a week sessions, we had a time to talk at 9pm. every other day.  As my trust in our relationship grew, I became very mindful of his needs and mine. Simply being assured that we had a scheduled time to communicate helped me to always feel connected to him. Once I felt connected, a respectful bond was formed between us. I always needed to know I had this time to talk. If I didn’t, I felt insecure and lost. Make extra time, even if only 5 minutes. But be consistent. It helps.

Multiples, including me, are challenging and will always challenge therapy. Not only therapy but boundaries, too! In my opinion, based from my own thoughts and feelings, I knew I needed more time with Dr. Baer, how could I not with seventeen people in one body? Yes, treating me was intense for Dr. Baer.  Regarding cancelling appointments… some therapists charge for the appointment if cancelled less than 24 hours from the appointment.  There were a few of my alters that were not abused and did not want to partake in therapy. Once your relationship settles, the alters of your patient will settle down too, that’s when therapy truly begins.

Please know that you can contact Dr. Baer for any advice, he knows best and may be able to share how we worked together to build a safe place for me to not want to miss a moment of the much needed support I required. Whenever I called Dr. Baer to cancel he would ask why, I never could give a good enough excuse and could not lie to him. It was usually because I was afraid, and he would calm my fears.  Commitment to therapy is of utmost importance.

I hope that my answer has provided some help. Wishing you all my best!

Karen