Comment by Amber on 12 May 2011 at 3:36 pm

Dear Karen,

My mother has D.I.D. some times i feel like my family is the only one that even knows what this is. My grandfather (my mother father) says that every thing she is says she has gone threw as a child is a lie and my grandmother says the same. They do not speak to each other but i try to keep a healthy relationship with them both but its hard to know what the truth is some times. I’m glad there are people like you out there willing to tell there story. I’m trying to find out as much as i can about this topic and help my mother heal along with myself. Growing up i knew there was something off because at times she was the most loving mother and others i couldn’t do anything right and she would beat me but then not remember doing it. Life living with some one with D.I.D. is hard but being the one with it is harder still. I’m happy to see in some cases like yours it gets better.

Amber

Dear Amber,

Thank you for sharing! I understand how it’s easier to deny painful issues rather than deal with them. If my grandfather or father were asked questions about me, they would have denied everything, too. In my family, lies and denial was the dysfunctional way of dealing with everything. It was a major reason I developed multiple personality disorder. Picture this: a young child being abused yet needing to be a perfect child, without complaints, complying with everyone’s needs, making sure not to tell anything, keeping secrets while being abused by the same people who claim they loved me. Mine was the perfect childhood in which to develop multiple personality disorder. Feeling to blame, feeling unworthy, low self-esteem, lack of control, wanting to cry but unable to…the list goes on.

I’m sorry that you mother has D.I.D., but her not speaking to her father may be a good thing. You didn’t mention whether your mom is in therapy. If not, please help her seek a qualified therapist. In my opinion, the truth of what happened doesn’t matter as much as how your mom feels. It’s obvious she’s hurting, and something from the past is causing her pain.  But that’s what she’ll uncover in therapy. What each of us suffers may not be equally traumatic to another. The truth is, your mom needs someone to listen to her, really listen. It is my hope she finds safety for herself. And I believe once your mom feels safe, she’ll become less difficult to live with.

Please remember to take care of yourself first. If your mom is beating you, it’s not okay. Please seek help for yourself, too. It’s important to be safe.

Wishing your family all my best,

Karen