Comment by Lizzie on 22 Jul 2011 at 10:08 pm

I’m not sure how this blog thing works. I guess I submit and then look for an answer? I’m a multiple and I’m dealing with taking down walls that have kept a very young, very angry, very terrified part prisoner for most of my life. She has broken through and acted out over the years but I am just now becoming aware of her. I am absolutely terrified of connecting, knowing that the connection will give me all of her memories and all of her pain and terror. How do you deal with that? How do you know that making that connection won’t consume you and leave you worse off than when she was kept hidden? Can you give me any advice? Reading your book helped me some, just knowing that I’m not the only one. I was also amazed by some of the synchronisities between your abuse and my own. Even if you can’t answer my question, I’m really glad I read my book and I’m really happy for you that everything came out right in the end. You’re an amazingly strong woman…. Thank you in advance for any help you can offer.

Lizzie

Dear Lizzie,

I empathize with you. You really don’t know how you will feel until you start the process. But I assure you, once you are exposed to your past trauma, your healing begins. I was terrified, too, but through patience, understanding, and many talks with my therapist, I let go of my fear. I found that as each alter memory came, there was a brief feeling of overwhelming grief, but that quickly passed once I acknowledged and dealt with it. The pain didn’t last over long.

In my opinion, every attempt to merge your alters or encourage them to mature by an act such as tearing down the walls that keeps them imprisoned is a step closer to growth and wholeness. It takes time to heal and healing requires making decisions to help your alters gain strength and courage, knowing that they will feel better once they understand where their pain originated. The ultimate goal is to integrate all to become one. For me, acknowledging my past pain through my alters’ experiences and memories helped me to move forward and not allow the same trauma to return to my present or my future.

Thank you for your kind compliments! I truly appreciate hearing that my story helped in some way. Wishing you all my best on your journey to wholeness.

Karen