Comment by S.M. on 21 Mar 2012 at 10:23 am

Hi Karen. I just finished your book and you are certainly a woman to be admired! I cried so many times throughout the book feeling your pain. My question to you is, how was your relationship with your brothers while growing up? Did they see the abuse? And how was the relationship with your “mother” after the integration of all the alters? Wishing you the best! You are my hero.

Dear S.M.,

Thank you for your compliments! I truly appreciate hearing that I’ve made a difference in your life. I can understand how you could cry while reading my story. I shed many tears myself whenever I think back to that time in my past. I try my best to focus on the positive: that I’ve survived! When my thoughts overwhelm me, I try to look forward. My past was full of pain, but my future is full of promise and hope.

My role with my siblings while growing up was with me as the protector, mini-mother, and helper. I did everything in my power to keep them safe and protected. Most of the time I succeeded, but not always. There were times I was there, but in pain, or tied down, when I could not reach them. My brothers were abused, too, but not in the same way.  They were beaten and they witnessed my being taken away, and the many acts they may not have understood as children, but came to understand as adults.

My mother and I do talk.  She continues to be someone I do not share much with. In the past, in order to keep myself safe and my mother at a distance, one alter was created specifically to deal with her. My mother is a narcissist and was more concerned with herself than what her children endured. My mother turned her back on us and justified this by claiming she didn’t know because her children never told her. This may be true in part; we were threatened never to tell. But as a mom myself, I would’ve have seen the signs, I would’ve protected my children. My mother chose not to protect us.

All my best,

Karen