Comment by Penny on 07 Mar 2012 at 8:05 pm

Did you read the religious fiction book about God called The Shack by Paul Young? Do you believe in pain? Do you believe your life was a metaphor in why you survived? Where was god while you were being abused? How is it possible you survived? How does god look to you? Are you a believer in angels, and why? Many questions but I want to know you.

Dear Penny,

Yes, I did read The Shack by Paul Young and found it quite interesting. I believe there was a reason I survived. I have faith and believe my multiplicity was a gift from God.  I’m thankful for the help I received and know that I was never left alone.

You ask where was God while I was being abused. Well, I can’t answer that except to say He was with me, keeping me safe in His arms through dissociation. I had to believe this for this is how I survived. I survived knowing that if I died I would go to heaven. I longed to die and be at peace. I longed for comfort and for someone to care for me. As a child there was no adult I could turn to that wasn’t within me as an alter. I knew God couldn’t stop my abuse because He couldn’t physically stop my abusers, but He ultimately provided me with the best help He could… a coping mechanism called dissociation. God never once left me.

How does God look to me? God is a feeling within my heart, and the way I envision Him is how He appears to me. I believe it’s a personal relationship, and it’s the warmth I feel that matters most. Regarding angels, yes, I do believe in angels. I believe angels surround us and comfort us. I believe this because I feel blessed. It’s a feeling that gives me hope and strength to do more.

Please know that my faith played a big part during my healing. During therapy Dr. Baer and I rarely discussed religion, except about the abuse I suffered from the priest.  Yet, I know I always felt comforted by something other than Dr. Baer. I had the best of both worlds, God, Angels and Dr. Baer.

Thank you for caring.

Karen