Comment by Lauren Ruth on 11 Jun 2012 at 11:44 am

Thank you for letting Dr Baer to tell your story. I learned so much from it. My hat is off to your phenomenal achievement. Faced with such unrelenting terror from such a young age, how many of us could even survive—much less develop the kind, loving, generous, and sensitive aspects of themselves, the way you did?

The world considers multiple personality disorder a disease, but in your case, I think it was an effective response to shattering circumstances, and I admire your creativity and resourcefulness. Living a life the rest of us can barely imagine, you found a way to keep your sparks of goodness isolated, protected, and alive until someone could help you put yourself together. I can only imagine what it felt like to absorb all those memories. I’m sorry you had to endure that. I salute your courage.

My childhood wasn’t quite the nightmare that yours was, but it was bad enough. I’ve recently finished a memoir of those years called Riding the Cyclone. As I sought to write my story honestly and clearly, you gave me a unique and useful way of viewing my past self. How enlightening it was to see the many ways in which emotional pain can be a synonym for a poorly integrated personality.

My sincere thanks for everything you’ve taught me. I’d like to send you a copy of my memoir. If you’d like it, please give me an address to send it to. I can also email you the memoir in ebook form, if that’s more convenient.

Best wishes, Lauren Ruth

Dear Lauren Ruth,

Thank you for your compliments and for sharing.  I like what you wrote: “The world considers multiple personality disorder a disease, but in your case, I think it was an effective response to shattering circumstances…” That is the way I’d like to envision my past multiplicity!

I’m not sure how I survived through the many years of abuse and therapy, but somehow, God willing, I did, and I’m grateful. Absorbing memories was not the worst of my therapy because all the memories were already there inside me in pieces, but speaking them out loud to Dr. Baer was the most difficult thing I had to do. In healing I felt it necessary not to share the details at first.  I was concerned with how Dr. Baer would react and how my painful story would affect him. I’m a people pleaser and did not want anyone to hurt because of me. But I was wrong. Dr. Baer took me on and never once judged me. He may have been ill after a session with me but he never allowed me to see this side of him. There were many days when I left a session and feared I wouldn’t be welcomed back. I’m thankful for Dr. Baer’s unconditional care and know my care wasn’t easy for him.

I’m sorry to hear you had a bad childhood, too. I’m also glad to hear you wrote your story. I would love to read your memoir and will contact you soon! Thank you for sharing your personal journey with me. I look forward to getting to know you.

Wishing you all my best,

Karen