Comment by Phoebe on 06 Sep 2012 at 8:02 am

Dear Karen,

I am a teen but read your book. I was abused by two cousins who are 20 and 23, and I am 15. I feel to blame and thought I asked to be abused. So after reading your book, I decided to pretend it never happened like dissociation helped you.  I will attempt to think my abuse happened to another part of me. Do you think this is a good idea or bad idea? I think you’re awesome and inspiring and will do whatever you think is best because I believe you have the right on target thoughts. I read somewhere you wrote abuse is abuse. Is it, really?

Dear Phoebe,

Thank you for sharing. No, in my opinion, I don’t think it’s wise to try to dissociate the terror you suffered in order to get through life. First, it may come back to haunt you with a vengeance. The abuse did happen to all of you, not a part of you, and this is not acceptable.

Please know that you are not to blame. You are 15 and your abusers are 20 and 23 years old and know the difference. They have not acted appropriately and took advantage of you. This is not okay. It’s never okay. Abuse is abuse. Please seek help with a qualified therapist who will guide you to take the proper action.

Thank you for your compliments and for writing to me via Facebook. It’s my hope my previous answer has helped you get the help you need. Always remember, if you say “No”, that means no and you did not give permission. Yes, I will say it time and again. Abuse is Abuse.

Take care of yourself. Respect yourself. Seek help.

Wishing you all my best as you journey through healing.

Karen