Comment by Jean on November 9, 2008 11:07 pm

Dear Karen,

Hi, don’t you find there is such stigma attached to DID? And how do you describe what is going on for you even if you wanted to try and tell someone other than your therapist? If i met with a professional who even hinted that he didn’t have a clue I would be devastated!

Karen, I haven’t begun the process of integration because I have been too scared! Having read your account my “others” have been far more willing to appear in therapy and I have begun drawing them. It feels spooky to me but my therapist takes it all in his stride and makes it feel very manageable.

I take hope from your story even though I feel so very alone.

I seem to stumble on your blogs at random so excuse me for taking so long to reply.

My best wishes for your continued well being.

Jean x

Dear Jean x,

Yes, I do believe there is a stigma attached to MPD/DID.  That is why I believe most true cases do not reveal themselves often and try their best not to appear “different” in society.  My alters were born to help protect me from the abuse I suffered, allow me to function appropriately without shame, and help me be the best person I could be.  MPD/DID is a coping mechanism, not a potential sideshow.

During all my years before, during, and after therapy, I never shared with anyone I felt wouldn’t understand and be supportive. I didn’t even share all the details of my illness and therapy with my best friend. If someone close to me would notice something out of the ordinary, I would make excuses and apologize. There were times a friend would say, “Are you listening?” “You zoned out on me?” or “What’s wrong?”  Once they would start talking again, the alters would adjust back to where I needed me to be.  In other words, there would be a pause, and I’d be back.

I understand your fear of starting the integration process.  I was afraid, too!  It takes time to build trust in yourself and in your therapist.  After all, you’re really taking a leap of faith.  I made my decision to integrate when I realized that my life wasn’t my own.  I didn’t want to live the rest of my days unable to be the woman I was meant to be.

I believe it’s a great sign your “others” are starting to appear in therapy and you started drawing them.  I started in this way, too!  I know it’s spooky, but it sounds like you’re on the right path.

Have faith, trust your instincts, and allow your therapist to guide you.

Karen