Comment by John on August 3, 2008 3:52 pm

Hello Karen,

I couldn’t believe you chose my question to answer. Thank you. How interesting your answer was. Tell me. I know I was abused as a child. Since I started therapy I am uncomfortable. I didn’t tell my girlfriend yet. Do you think I should? In one of your answers to another question you said your husband didn’t treat you the same after he found out about your past. I fear this may happen to me to. Should I wait awhile before sharing with my girlfriend? Thanks.

John

Dear John,

Thank you for asking another question! I am sorry to hear you also suffered abuse as a child. I can understand your concern in telling your girlfriend so early in your relationship. I would suggest you discuss this with your therapist. Therapy is not an easy process, but necessary to begin before you can start to feel better about yourself. I encourage you to take time to heal. If you do, you and your girlfriend will benefit. Not being a therapist myself I can only say that telling your girlfriend is a very personal matter, and no one other than yourself knows the answer to whether or when you should share this. There’s no need to rush into sharing all that you’ve just begun to explore.

I, myself, never felt comfortable talking over episodes of abuse. With my ex-husband, he felt betrayed I did not tell him I was abused before we got married. In my situation, my memories were dissociated and I couldn’t share something I couldn’t articulate beforehand.

Karen