Comment by Lorrie and Dan on February 7, 2009 2:06 pm

My God Karen?

You are full of fascinating stories! I read your answer about the hand accident and how you got you driverʼs license. I barely got my license just being me. What a way to go? I bet Holdon took the whole class. How do you think you passed the test? Do you recall any part of the drivers ed class? I think its great how you just did it, took the test and all. Did you buy a dress that day for the wedding you were going to? Was it Holdon who picked out your dress or did he just drive you to the mall? If I knew you I would kiss the ground you walk on. Sweet Jesus you are awesome! Donʼt get insulted but you really had me and my husband laughing.

Lorrie and Dan

Dear Lorrie & Dan,

Thank you for your interest in the daily life stories of my alters.  There are hundreds of such stories, because with seventeen alters there was always something going on!

Regarding who took the driver education classes, that would be Karen 3 with Holdon and a few of the alters “watching”.  The knowledge about driving I acquired would come through one alter, and once known, would become known to most of the other alters as well, as long as the information didn’t need to be walled off.  It’s kind of hard to know how involved any one part was because after integration, I received all these memories and now I experience them as my own.

Yes, I did buy a dress that day, and loved it!  It was dark red and very feminine, and special to me.  Holdon, being a male alter, had no interest in shopping, however the choice was not mine alone.  I had alter help.  Remembering that day brings a smile to my face. As a matter of fact, I have a picture of my husband and me when I was wearing that dress.

I’m glad about the laughter you shared with your husband.  I laugh at many of the things my alters have done, too! As I look back and recall these stories I find a sense of calm and appreciation for each and every alter that was born. Laughter really is the best medicine.

Thank you for all your compliments.

Karen

Comment by Derrick on February 4, 2009 1:21 am

Karen

Question: Who drove the car when the others were out? What would happen when an uninsured alter drove without a license to drive? When your alter Holdon drove you all around where did he learn to drive? I am trying to understand how the knowledge of something like driving a car transfers to the entire bunch? Can you or Baer explain? Did you ever get a ticket and blame an alter? Which alter is insured? I know my questions seem foolish. Iʼm just trying to figure out the driver part of you. Crazy illness but a fascinating mind boggling way to live. Great book.

Thank you very much.

Derrick from Detroit

Dear Derrick,

Very interesting questions!  I’ll try to answer your questions in the clearest possible way.  Karen 3 drove the car most of the time, and if not her, my alter Holdon was the only other alter chosen to drive.  “Karen” is the only one insured, because whether one has alters or not, only the original physical person can acquire a license. 

I’m not sure where Holdon learned to drive, most likely the same way we all learn, by participating in my drivers education classes.  I can share a story about the day I received my license.  I had been wanting to go shopping for a dress for an upcoming wedding.  My husband never had time to take me.  I didn’t have a license to drive a car at the time.  Over lunch with my best friend I shared my frustration.  My friend dragged me to get a permit after work that day.  I walked in and took the written test, no studying beforehand, passed it one hundred percent, asked to take the drivers test, hestitated while Holdon came out, completed it and passed, walked back in where they took my picture, and received my license.  My friend drove me home, I showed my husband my license, grabbed the keys, took the car, and drove to the mall.  Just like that!  All within two hours.

There has never been a need to blame anyone for receiving a ticket, because I’ve never received one.  Multiples are very cautious in all that they do for fear of confrontation.  Whether Holdon drove or Karen 3, driving according to the rules was a must. There was only one time when a problem occurred, and that was after the integration of one of my alters.  My system was in shock from the integration and the alter who came out didn’t know how to drive and side swiped my car against a parking garage pillar.  In that case, I called Dr. Baer and he put me under hypnosis while I was on the phone and asked Holdon to come out and drive me home.

Thank you for your challenging questions. I have to say, I’m very grateful never to have been in an accident or have received a ticket.

Karen

Comment by Sister Mary Beatrice on February 3, 2009 5:45 am

Dear Karen,

Itʼs so nice to read your answers here. I admire you for your strength and ability to share, you are truly one of Godʼs chosen. Dr. Richard Baer mustʼve done a great job helping you help yourself get to this point. Sharing. Caring. Being thoughtful and respectful to all including the naysayers who do not deserve your attention or response. I have to ask? Are you being forced to share and answer questions or do you wish to share? I donʼt mean any disrespect towards your agents or Dr. Baer; I am just concerned about you. I am thrilled that you are able to help without shame. God bless you!

Sister Mary Beatrice

West Virginia

Dear Sister Mary Beatrice,

Thank you so much for all your kind thoughts and compliments!  I truly appreciate hearing them, for kind words give me strength to continue on.

Please know that I am not being forced into answering these questions, nor being forced to share my story.  I chose to do this in hope to help others with their own personal journey.  I believe my illness, and help I received for it, was God sent. I believe it is important to share in the best way I can the knowledge of the illness I once suffered, in hope others can see how one person survived.  For me, answering questions and sharing my story provides me with purpose.  I believe there is a reason for everything.  My survival was meant to be shared.

Thank you for expressing your concern, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. God bless you, too!

Karen

Comment by Angry Arman on February 3, 2009 4:01 am

Hi Karen,

Ohhhhh! I am sooooo angry with the new show with the multiple mom! How dare they mock your illness! I bet most of there twisted ideas and story lines came from taking parts of your book and blowing them out of proportion! I am so mad! If I were you Iʼd go with Richard Baer to the studio and tell them off! Canʼt you see that this show is a insult to you! and Richard Baer? I personally feel bad for you both. Switching Time came out before this stupid show. The show is stealing ideas from your book. Worst. You guys probably donʼt get credit. I saw four episodes and in each one there is at least one thing that I read in your guys book. I am pissed for the both of you! Let me know if you guys need help? Iʼm ready to fight for ya!

Angry Arman

Dear Arman,

Thank you for your support, but really, I’m not angry with the show, “The United States of Tara”, because it is what it is, a show, for entertainment, and not an accurate depiction of the true illness of multiple personality disorder, now known as dissociative identity disorder.  I can understand your anger, and it touches me, however, there is no need for concern.  Although there are occasional similarities, I doubt my story has been used for this show, and any similarity is probably just a coincidence.  Neither Dr. Baer nor I ever gave permission for any portion of our book to be used in this show.  I don’t think there’s reason for Dr. Baer or I to visit the studio and tell anyone off.

I do not see this show as an insult to the illness of multiplicity.  “The United States of Tara” is meant to entertain.  Although not accurate, it will continue to bring interest to the illness.  It’s my hope to bring awareness to all. Of course there is a stigma attached to any mental illness.  That is in part why we decided to share our story.  This illness is a real illness and never should be mocked. Unfortunately it is by some, including mental health professionals.  No one can prevent these shows from continuing on.  The show is interesting.  I will continue to watch it, but not take it seriously or to heart.

Thank you for your concern, it’s nice to hear that you care.

Karen

Comment by Donna on February 1, 2009 6:05 pm

Hey Karen!

You rock! Did you know there are 28,400 articles on you? I looked you up. God, did you do all these interviews? Anyways, read your story and it blew me away. I had no idea the complexity of a diagnosis of whatever you call it these days, multiplicity as you say. Does your mind allow you to process pleasure after what happened to you? In the book you kept growing during integration like coming from a child to an adult. How did your mind process the sudden changes each alter brought when integrated?

Donna

Dear Donna,

That’s incredible, over twenty eight thousand articles on me, Dr. Baer and Switching Time? No, I did not directly participate in each of these interviews. I have done many interviews, but nowhere near twenty eight thousand. I believe the way publicity works is that most reporters and journalists scan articles via newspaper, on-line or from others who reviewed our story and re-write their own version of an article in their own voice.  There are many foreign countries that receive information this way.

I agree, multiplicity is a complex illness that is incomprehensible to most people. That’s why Dr. Baer and I decided to share our journey in Switching Time. I believe we have the only book that documents the successful integration of seventeen alternate personalities from the beginning of therapy to the successful completion.

Of course my mind can process pleasure!  Although I admit it’s something I may always need to work on. Sometimes certain thoughts can trigger a moment of sadness.  At these times I try my best to understand where my thoughts came from and deal with it until the feelings pass.  Since integration, these types of triggers happen less and less often.

After each integration of an alter, there were a few days to a few weeks where I felt as if I went through major surgery.  I ached everywhere!  After each integration I’d walk differently, talk differently, and have totally different tastes in food.  I had to adjust quickly and as soon as possible.  At times I appeared to be ill.  Most of the time I suffered severe headaches.  Sometimes, I would feign illness, like getting over the flu, so as to not draw too much attention to the changes that came after each integration.

After each alter integrated, I would still be me, but with the addition of a little more of another part of me. Each time I felt closer to becoming the woman I was meant to be.  In other words, after each integration, I became stronger, healthier, and closer to feeling complete.

Thank you for your interesting questions,

Karen

Comment by Name not nescessary on January 31, 2009 4:28 pm

Dear Karen,

I have DID and two of my alters are causing me problems, seven are okay with therapy , one doesn’t like our therapist and the other one left a poem titled—— How to get rid of your therapist without killing him. I have a appointment in two weeks. Did any of your alters dislike and want to hurt your therapist? What would you do? Should I call and talk to him before our next appointment? I like my therapist. I am afraid of what could happen. Did any of your alters physically attack your therapist? Is a poem a threat? The poem read in a way for us to accuse our therapist to get him in trouble so that he’ll never counsel again, like falsely accuse him of something. I won’t share the poem.

Name not necessary

Dear Name not necessary,

I can understand why you chose anonymity.  Sounds to me as if some of your alters are becoming agitated with the way therapy is going. There could be jealousy brewing with one or two alters needing more attention than the others. I have been there myself.

I am not a professional therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion, I believe you need to discuss this poem and your thoughts with your therapist as soon as possible. I appreciate that you have shared your dilemma with me, but this is a serious issue and part of your own personal journey.  Each case is unique and needs to be treated so.

During the early years of my therapeutic relationship with Dr. Baer, there were many angry moments of a few of my alters disliking him.  In my case, Dr. Baer was new to me, there were many misunderstandings since I only gave him incomplete information initially, and he was viewed as a possible threat to our system of survival.  A system that once needed no one else before it crashed.  Anyone threatening to come between me and my alters was seen as unwelcome, would cause alter chaos, and any sense of calm would be lost.  It’s really hard to get all alters to be compliant, learn to trust, and accept the therapy for what it is. It’s hard work for you and for your therapist. Patience is a must. Being open and honest is, too! Please don’t accuse the therapist who is trying his best to help you.

For me, it took years of building trust and gaining strength for these angry feelings to lessen enough for me to start the real work of healing. I believe your alters are feeling lost and frightened. Maybe the poem is a cry for help by this alter? Maybe something is stirring up some horrible memories that are re-surfacing.  Whatever is troubling you and the alters needs to be addressed in a safe setting.  Please call your therapist!

My hope is your therapist can help you through this if you let him.  I wish you well and a continued safe journey.

Karen

Comment by Edi on January 31, 2009 3:55 pm

Hi Karen,

While in the midst of family time with your children which alters enjoyed more? How did your children acknowledge each alter? How did your children handle being labeled as children of a multiple mom? Were they embarrassed because of the alters or did your children ignore the teasing of their classmates?

I am glad you survived.

Edi

Dear Edi,

You ask some interesting questions. During family time with my children, I was the Mom, and my alters only surfaced when needed during times of great stress.  When my alters did surface, my children referred to them as “Mom”, too!  My children never knew the alters by their given names.  My alters worked together to keep me safe.  I believe being called “Mom” by my children was okay and agreed upon by all of the alters within my system to protect my multiplicity in public.  What people may have noticed was only that I felt ill, tired, or in pain from a headache, or maybe a little distant.  Not much more than what you’d see in the average person.

You have to remember, the reason for switching was to protect me and provide consistency for myself and my children despite the horror that was raging within me. Most of the time the alters involved in my children’s lives were Katherine and Holdon to help take care of them, Claire, who was a playmate to my daughter, Ann, to take them to church services, Karen 2 for fun times, and so on.  There was a purpose and a job for each alter, the changes in me were subtle and losing time was taken care of with great respect for my well being.  Therefore, my children never suffered from embarrassment and will tell you I’ve been a great mom.

Thank you for your questions.  I am glad I survived, too!

Karen

Comment by Peggy on January 31, 2009 3:24 am

Dear Karen,

If what happened to you happened these days what would you have done different? Do you think you would still have alternate personalities?

Your story shattered my perception of abuse. I assumed those who were abused asked to be abused. I assumed child abuse was a form of discipline.

Peggy

Dear Peggy,

It’s true, times have changed, but being abused has not. I’m not sure how I, as a child, would’ve reacted under the same circumstances these days.  I believe things may have been different because today there is more awareness of child abuse through knowledge, education in schools, in the media, and bringing cases to light. Back when I was a child, out of shame, not much was discussed about what went on behind the closed doors of one’s home. Children feared telling secrets for fear of more abuse, or possibly even death.

I attended Catholic school, and never once did anyone help me. No one wished to get involved.  So they ignored obvious signs that something was terribly wrong with me.  I believe that ignorance was a large part of this, people not knowing what to do.  Or, thinking if you ignore it, it will go away.  Afterall, as in my case, I dissociated and didn’t appear to be a abused at times, and this must’ve caused confusion to those who suspected anything. I’ll never know.  I believe most people may have suspected something and thought, “she looks okay now,” and then let it go.

I’m not sure if my mind would’ve created alternate personalities today.  The fear and pain that created my alters in the first place can still happen in today’s world.  Today, I believe most people who suspect a child is being abused will do something about it. The silence has been broken. People talk.

Remember,  multiplicity is not something you are born with.  It is acquired from repeated trauma caused from severe child abuse. If I knew as a child what I know today, despite being threatened into silence, I would’ve kept talking until someone took me seriously and helped me. There was always proof close at hand if one knew where to look.

No child wants to be abused, asks to be abused, or deserves to be abused.  I am glad Switching Time has changed your thoughts on this.  Discipline is an inappropriate excuse to abuse a child, it’s sickening and devastates a child’s entire life.

Thank you for your questions, and especially for coming to a better understanding of the tragedy of being a victim of child abuse.

Karen

Comment by Anonymous on January 28, 2009 4:23 pm

Awesome work! Thanks for your time and effort in providing help to others. The book of your life was an exhausting read but definitely knowledgable. I learned more about multiple personality from Switching Time than any other book written on this illness. Most books donʼt include the healing process. My sister has been diagnosed with DID and I thought she was full of crap.  I knew she was abused when we were kids because I witnessed our father raping her.  I never told her about this when I was thirteen and she eleven because at the time I thought she wanted him to do it to her.  I didnʼt say anything because I shouldʼve stopped him and didnʼt.  I have lived with this guilt for ten years and first started feeling ill now.  My sister is in therapy and the doctor wants to meet me. Should I go and tell the truth?  Is it to late?  I watch that new show and my sister doesnʼt act like Tara so she must not have DID right?  I am torn.  What if my sister wonʼt like me anymore?  I shouldʼve helped her long ago instead of judging her.

I needed to tell someone, I chose you.

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for sharing.  You are brave and have taken your first step in your own personal journey!  I admire your strength in trying to come to terms with what had happened to your sister and your feelings of helplessness being unable to help her at the time.  You were traumatized, too!  Please don’t be so hard on yourself, you were also a child at the time, and did not understand the severity of the act you witnessed. I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but it’s never too late to seek help and make a difference in both of your  lives.

It sounds to me that you are ready to face what you’ve kept within yourself for awhile now. Please do seek help, if not with your sister’s therapist, then with your own.  I can understand why you don’t wish to reveal what you witnessed for fear your sister may get upset with you.  However, her therapist will help her through this.  Knowing the truth is a must, it may free the tension between you.

Please don’t compare the illness of multiplcity with the characters on the show USoT.  It’s just a television show and not an accurate depiction of the illness: dissociative identity disorder.  This show may have some moments of familiarity about the disease, but it’s for entertainment purposes and is not a documentary.  I am not the same as “Tara”, and your sister is not either.  Each case is unique shouldn’t be compare with another. What’s most important is believing in your sister without judging her.

My best wishes for you and your sister for a safe journey towards healing.

Thank you for your compliments and for your confidence in trusting me with your pain.

Karen

Comment by C Jane on January 25, 2009 4:25 pm

Let me get this straight. Karen, you bring forth curiosity about mpd. In the answer you provided Jonathan Lee you shared an incident that clearly was not of abuse yet you dissociated anyway. Please elaborate on this fascinating switching alters process. What exactly causes a switch to occur? In that show USoT Tara switches but what causes her too.? I canʼt buy any simple reason for her to do it. Did your alters come out all the time like hers in the show, were they a regular part of your daily life?

You are a great asset to all who must suffer from dissociative disorders. How did your psychiatrist keep up with each alter, is it true he had to treat seventeen parts of you? Thatʼs like a full-time job all in itself. In USoT not too much was mentioned of her therapy. I canʼt wait to see tonights episode. Are you going to see it?

Dear C Jane,

Thank you for your questions!  My alters came out when needed.  I would not switch at random, but the best alter would come out to take care of a particular situation that stressed me or I was uncomfortable with. Not every alter would surface to be a part of my daily life, some days one or two came out, other days as many as five may have surfaced, it all depended on what was happening in my life at the time.  The alters were protectors; they would help me survive, not always in the most appropriate way, but nevertheless they helped  in the best way each of them could. The two adult alters, Holdon and Katherine, would oversee all the alters’ activity and make sure we didn’t get into too much trouble.  Switching into an alternate personality was always a coping mechanism.

In the show The United States of Tara, there were reasons for Tara’s switches, if you watch closely, you will notice that anything unpleasant or uncomfortable that came Tara’s way would cause a switch. For instance, in the department store, Tara kind of spaced out for a few seconds and switched into her alter, Alice. That is how it works. Tara couldn’t handle that particular moment and simply went away. The alter Alice was summoned up, and appeared. Just like that!  Problem temporarily solved.

I, too, often wonder how Dr. Baer kept up with all my alters.  He had to treat seventeen different patients in one, a mind boggling job, and it took quite a bit of his time. Regarding whether Tara is in therapy, there were hints to it, and in the third episode I believe there is a scene where she is in a session with her therapist.

Thank you for all your compliments!  I will continue to watch The United States of Tara.  Although it’s not an depiction of what I’ve experienced, the show continues to interest me.

Karen