Comment by Priscilla on November 11, 2008 9:56 pm

Hi Karen,

I bought your book and gave it to my friend who is dying of cancer. I didnʼt read it first. Oh how I wish I did. I didnʼt want her to cry. I apologized and she told me your story had made her feel peaceful with her own past. I was shocked and took her copy to read it for myself. I can see why.

Can you recommend what I could say to my dying loved one, Catherine, who had suffered from child abuse and depression most of her life? In her final days of unsuccessful cancer treatment what can I say to help her? Sheʼs has two to three months top?

Much obliged,

Priscilla

Dear Priscilla,

I’m glad that giving your friend Switching Time turned out to be a nice thing to do. I can understand how you and she may have found my story interesting. I believe your intentions were in the right place. You knew Catherine suffered from past abuse and bought a book you believed would help her. I am glad that you read my story, too. This not only brought your friend peace, but you were able to understand the peace she spoke of. Finding peace in one’s final days is what we all hope for.

I know final conversations with loved ones are not an easy thing to do. If Catherine were my friend, I would be myself, sometimes talk, sometimes not, sit with her, and tell her about my day or what I’ve done. I’d read to her, tell her I love her, and sit and hold her hand. Allow her to speak about anything; she may just need to talk.

This could be the time to remind her of all wonderful things she’s done. Sharing memories might be helpful in putting her life into perspective. Say all that you want to say now, while there’s time, and enjoy your time together. This way, your loved one will know she’s not alone. Cherish every moment.

I wish you and your friend Catherine peace at this difficult time.

Karen

Comment by Sgt. Roy on November 12, 2008 1:09 am

Why didn’t you share your sons military experience in Switching Time? Itʼs Veterans Day! Is he a vet? How did you cope during his service to our country? After everything in your life how did war wear on you?

Sgt. Roy

Dear Sgt. Roy,

Best wishes on Veteran’s Day, to you and all who served our country!  Thank you for recognizing my son’s service on this very important day!  Yes, my son is a Veteran and has served in Iraq.  He is home now and doing his best to continue his life.

Of course, it was hard coping while my son was away for five years.  However, I am proud of all he has done.  These years were met by me one day at a time.  I never sat and worried about him.  I knew all was in God’s hands.  Yet, I did worry about who he’d become when he finally arrived home.  War is hard on all families, not just mine, and I worried about what trauma he suffered while overseas.  During my son’s years in the military, I coped in the same survivor mode I did while healing, and tried my best to look forward, not behind.  Each new day was a blessing and one day closer to his return.

Thank you for serving our country, and for your caring questions,

Karen

Comment by Violet P. on November 11, 2008 5:22 pm

In your early childhood years were any of the alters known to other people? What were your interests as a child? What did you wish to become? Were any other parts of you interested in art? What kind of art did you remember working on as a child? Anything left from those days? I find you inspiring and am interested in what fond memories you experienced through the magic of the many artists in you.

Love the book, love your willing to share, love you.

Violet

Dear Violet,

Thank you for these questions. During my childhood years some alters were known to other people, but it’s a bit hazy and I’m not sure of this.  What I do know is that my alters were created for me to appear normal throughout the day.  There may have been times a slip could’ve occured, and I’d may have been questioned about why I did not remember something or why I appeared inattentive.  I believe during these times there was either another alter out, or I was in the process of switching.

As a child I was artistic in many ways.  Once I wanted a house for my Barbie Doll and with little money I built one myself.  I found an old wooden box, sanded, stained, varnished it, and found everything to decorate it in detail. It was amazing!  And yet I hid it in the attic under a blanket and worked on it in private.  I feared it would be taken away or thrown out.  I remember the carpet samples I obtained from the hardware store, the plexiglass windows, contact paper walls, gumwrapper accessories and popsicle stick sanded furniture.  In high school, I gave it to a friend whose little sister never had toys, and she fell in love with it.

I have always enjoyed art.  Maybe some day I’ll start again.  Most everything I had made I gave away or sold to make ends meet, and I only know where a few things still are.

I may have suffered terrible trauma but I do have many fond memories that kept me believing in a greater good. If I hadn’t had any fond memories, I surely wouldn’t be here today.  We all need to be creative in our own way.  For me, art and music brought me peace and a sense of calm during a horrific childhood and chaotic inner world.

Thank you for finding my story inspiring,

Karen

Comment by Jean on November 9, 2008 11:07 pm

Dear Karen,

Hi, don’t you find there is such stigma attached to DID? And how do you describe what is going on for you even if you wanted to try and tell someone other than your therapist? If i met with a professional who even hinted that he didn’t have a clue I would be devastated!

Karen, I haven’t begun the process of integration because I have been too scared! Having read your account my “others” have been far more willing to appear in therapy and I have begun drawing them. It feels spooky to me but my therapist takes it all in his stride and makes it feel very manageable.

I take hope from your story even though I feel so very alone.

I seem to stumble on your blogs at random so excuse me for taking so long to reply.

My best wishes for your continued well being.

Jean x

Dear Jean x,

Yes, I do believe there is a stigma attached to MPD/DID.  That is why I believe most true cases do not reveal themselves often and try their best not to appear “different” in society.  My alters were born to help protect me from the abuse I suffered, allow me to function appropriately without shame, and help me be the best person I could be.  MPD/DID is a coping mechanism, not a potential sideshow.

During all my years before, during, and after therapy, I never shared with anyone I felt wouldn’t understand and be supportive. I didn’t even share all the details of my illness and therapy with my best friend. If someone close to me would notice something out of the ordinary, I would make excuses and apologize. There were times a friend would say, “Are you listening?” “You zoned out on me?” or “What’s wrong?”  Once they would start talking again, the alters would adjust back to where I needed me to be.  In other words, there would be a pause, and I’d be back.

I understand your fear of starting the integration process.  I was afraid, too!  It takes time to build trust in yourself and in your therapist.  After all, you’re really taking a leap of faith.  I made my decision to integrate when I realized that my life wasn’t my own.  I didn’t want to live the rest of my days unable to be the woman I was meant to be.

I believe it’s a great sign your “others” are starting to appear in therapy and you started drawing them.  I started in this way, too!  I know it’s spooky, but it sounds like you’re on the right path.

Have faith, trust your instincts, and allow your therapist to guide you.

Karen

Comment by Stampede on November 10, 2008 10:51 am

You know GTG, people like you give those that actually have DID a bad name. There are many psychiatrists and therapists in this world that donʼt believe in DID, and then for you to prey on your therapist because you need attention is wrong.

There is so much I would like to say to you but then I feel like maybe you are seeking attention on this website too. I am just going to say I agree with Karen, you need to come clean and get help for the attention seeking.

Dear Stampede,

Thank you for your comment to GTG.  I agree, it’s important not to misrepresent MPD/DID.

Karen

Comment by GTG on November 8, 2008 3:35 pm

You ruined my life. I had my counselor in a trance until he read your story. My counselor didn’t know much about DID which made it easy to fake. Why did you bring this illness into the light? are you stupid? you got any idea how this book will destroy old bonding between doctors and patients? I will state no doctor should read Switching Time. I chose to have this disease when it was pretty rare and to different to find anything on. I claim DID after a life of absolutely notta single day of abuse. I tell my counselor I was hurt. My counselor soothes and hugs me and I get the attention I need.

Wallah. Presto. Bingo>>>>>>>>GTG

Dear GTG,

Thank you! If I ruined your life because I shared my story in Switching Time, then it was well worth it!  Why would you want to deceive your counselor who is trying to help you?  Don’t you have a conscience?

Do you have any idea what it’s really like to have suffered from childhood abuse or trauma?  Do you have any idea what it’s like to lose time?  In my opinion, you should start from the beginning with a qualified therapist and figure out why you are faking an illness just to be soothed and hugged.  This is not only attention seeking, it’s disrespectful and manipulative.

Dr. Baer and I brought our story to light in order to help doctors and their patients come to a better understanding of this illness. I highly doubt Switching Time will destroy any therapeutic relationships between a doctor and a patient.

I’m glad to know your counselor has read Switching Time.  I hope your counselor reads this blog and figures out this is you.  Now that your counselor realizes you’ve been misleading him all along, it’s time to fess up and be honest.

I wish for you to be well, stop faking, come clean, and ask for forgivness.

Karen

Comment by Mia on November 7, 2008 7:21 pm

Dear Karen

It’s no wonder you accomplished surviving. Your parents didn’t make you who you are today. It is so wonderful to hear you beat the odds and survived what most abused children don’t. Your abusers should rot away in hell. If all that happened to you happened to me I would’ve died or kill someone when I was old enough to realize what was done. Knowing what happened to you must have been hurtful. How did you forget the pain? If your abusers were still alive would you consider killing them now for destroying your life?

I admire your strength, Mia

Dear Mia,

I understand your thoughts on my parents.  You are right about this.  I believe I survived beyond comprehension because my mind fragmented and developed alternate personalities.  I am not angry, but grateful I had this inner help until I found help in Dr. Baer’s office.

I’m sure whatever was meant to happen with my abusers, in the afterlife, has been done. I once thought of killing my abusers, but just thoughts.  What would’ve that accomplished?  I couldn’t kill anyone.

I admit, my life has been filled with many hurts. I’m still healing, and it’s hard for me to let go all the emotional pain.  However, in order to move forward and become the woman I am today, I’ve had to let go my hold on the past.

Thank you for admiring my strength, that was nice of you,

Karen

Comment by Jennifer on November 7, 2008 9:15 pm

Karen,

Who do you trust besides Richard Baer? How do you decipher what to say or not say? Last question: Do you make mistakes?

Jen

Dear Jen,

I trust myself.  You can usually count on yourself for good advice by trusting your own instincts.  Besides Dr. Baer, during the last ten years I’ve also come to trust a few close friends.  I believe it took building trust with Dr. Baer first, learning my limitations, letting go of past hurts, having faith, and taking chances, before I was able to trust anyone else.  I’ve made a few mistakes in trusting since then, too, but at least I’m able to try!  All in all, learning to trust again has been very rewarding.  For someone like me to trust anyone is a sign of growth and peace.  I will continue to be cautious, and this is how we all should be.

Of course I make mistakes: doesn’t everyone?  The most important lessons I’ve learned came from making mistakes.  When mistakes happen, and they most certainly will, I try to fix it rather than figure out who to blame.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Lois on November 6, 2008 4:30 am

Karen,

Please explain more about the gray rooms. Why was everything gray? How did your alter Jensen change this color and why? When you see the color gray nowadays what comes to your mind? The section in the book on this color changing experience fascinates me.

Lois

Dear Lois,

The gray rooms came to be because after the war there was an excess of battleship gray paint left over from painting planes and ships.  My grandfather had access to this leftover gray paint, and painted just about every utility room, garage, stairway, shed, and porches in his home, my home, and many other homes in the neighborhood.  Most of the rooms I was abused in were painted this gray. The factory, garage, shandy, little room, and other areas described in my story were painted gray. I don’t believe this was deliberate, it was just the cheapest paint my grandfather could find.

My alter, Jensen, was an artist by nature, and couldn’t stand the thought of this depressing gray atmosphere.  Jensen’s decided to change all the gray areas of abuse into colors of the rainbow.  I’m not sure, but I believe this was his way of trying to lessen my trauma by distracting my mind into a less traumatic environment.

Whenever I see the color gray these days, I simply see the color gray.  When I am enclosed in a room that happens to be painted gray, some memories are triggered for a few moments until I am able to adjust my thoughts and bring myself back to the reality of the moment. There are always triggers for my past abuse, and each time some memory is triggered, I need to deal with it as quickly as possible. Most of the time these thoughts pass within a few minutes, and leave no ill effects. There seems to be no sure way to completely eliminate these painful memories of the past.

Karen