Comment by Bruce on 22 Oct 2011 at 2:02 pm

Karen,

I am just finishing reading Switching Time, and I can’t tell you how much of an impression it has made on me. There are many questions I would like to ask, but one is at the top of my list. What do you think your alters really were? Do you think they were really just your subconscious, “pretending” to be other people to help you deal with the horrible abuse you sustained? Or do you think they were real, self-aware individuals whose consciousnesses were independent of yours, even though you shared the same organic body? I’m not sure how to say this without it sounding hurtful, which is not at all what I intend, but after reading the book, I can’t help but feel that they may have been separate individuals, comparable to the original “you,” but who developed in your body after the first “you” did. And, the process of integration really amounted to convincing them to allow their self-awarenesses to be terminated, for them to basically die. Anyway, I would really like to know your thoughts on this. I didn’t see it discussed anywhere in the book.

By the way, a little about me. I do not suffer from MPD. However, starting at about age 11, I had fairly severe panic attacks, frequently many times a day. I believe they may have been the result of a degree of emotional abuse that I suffered when younger. They largely went away in my 20’s and I rarely have them anymore, though I know that I am still a very anxious and insecure person.

Thank you.

Dear Bruce,

Thank you for your insightful questions!  I’ll do my best to answer them. Though it’s always been a mystery to me how my alters worked together to help me through a very traumatic childhood. I’m not sure how it all started, but I believe that from early on something in my mind must have started the process of dissociating the pain I suffered from not only abusive episodes but from being ill and hospitalized, suffering from a brain tumor. I spent much of the first two years of my life in a hospital, once for six months straight. I was told I would die before I reached my teens. I believe I became a victim because my abusers assumed I would die early and not recall anything that happened to me.

That said, with regards to your questions, I believe my alters were all separate selves but not completely whole selves. During a switch, I was an alter and thought of that alter as a different person, not a part. Though realistically we shared the same body, my mind did not perceive that. I never looked in a mirror because when I did, I never saw my original self and that would frighten me into thinking I was crazy. I did not allow mirrors anywhere in the house except the bathrooms. My alters developed after the original me was born, but as each episode of abuse happened, an new alter was either created or that experience was added to an existing alter.  I don’t know if my alters were created by my subconscious, but I know that my alters were not made up as if they were imaginary friends. I did not pretend to be someone else. My alters didn’t die, they merged into me; my alters are me and I am them. Integration merged all of us into one.

Thank you for sharing about yourself. Though I’m not a therapist and can’t give advice, I can empathize with your anxiety and feeling of insecurity. In my opinion there may be something buried deep within you that hasn’t yet surfaced. Perhaps you should talk to someone?

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Linda on 21 Oct 2011 at 8:05 pm

Hi Karen,

I just finished reading your book (and having an epiphany as a result, thank you!) and wanted to comment on your thoughts about hugs. I have been on a similar journey, discovering along the way two or three repressed persons who ultimately integrated (although I can still converse with the girls if I need to). My first therapist (15 years) was a “no-touch” psychiatrist, but while never being touched caused me pain, it did not protect my boundaries; she ended up terminating me with no explanation after acting like an old intimate friend at a community meeting! Years before that, I had figured out I was molested by my mother, and told and wrote her the details about it, but she was so hooked on her own idea of me, she denied the molestation: “Mothers don’t do that!” she said. So it’s a good thing she dumped me because otherwise I’d still probably be writing her worshipful letters.

My second therapist (whom I was also with for about 15 years) is a woman with boundaries of steel. Part of her therapy was “reparenting”, giving me a way to imagine and really experience being loved. Part of that therapy was appropriate hugs, and there were times when she held me in her lap and I cried on her shoulder. This was on my request because I felt safe with her. This experience felt really great, but it also helped me realize that it would not fill the holes I had from childhood. Those potholes are still there, but they’ve been thoroughly explored. In some cases, I’ve paved them over, and in other cases I avoid the streets that contain them!

So I agree with your wish for an appropriate hug. Lack of hugs doesn’t guarantee good boundaries, and the presence of hugs doesn’t have to work against good boundaries IF the therapist is truly whole and integrated herself (or himself), and IF the therapist is comfortable with using that as a healing modality.

I have written a memoir (based on 17 volumes of single-space typed journals) and revised it ad nauseum. I think your book will give me a way to finally make the last chapter work. You are fortunate to find publication — I haven’t managed that yet! It seems no one wants to read about molesting mothers!

Best of luck in the future. From reading about you in the book, I think you are a brave and amazingly resourceful woman with many talents.

Linda

Dear Linda,

I admit, finding a good therapist can be difficult. I truly lucked out in finding Dr. Baer. Though I didn’t know him before the day I set foot in his office.  I found there was something in him my alters felt at ease with and could build trust. For us, hugging was not an option; Dr. Baer clearly set that boundary early on and never gave in to my never ending need for a hug. Of course, I felt hurt time and again, but Dr. Baer always had a way of reassuring me that he cared and a hug wasn’t needed to prove it. After integration I continued to long for a hug. I assumed a hug was the necessary connection of feeling “I am accepted and worth it.” I never received that long desired hug until my therapy ended. Of course, a hug does not change or guarantee good boundaries, but it sure felt good to me when I finally did receive one.

I have developed a close bond with Dr. Baer during my eighteen years of therapy and this bond continues on. Maybe with my being a woman and Dr. Baer a man there was a conflict when it came to hugging. I don’t know. I can’t imagine how my life would be if I received physical comforting during therapy. But I believe that if Dr. Baer had hugged me early in therapy, I may have been confused, felt abused, run out the door and stopped therapy with him. Dr. Baer must’ve known this. I’m glad my therapy provided me with discipline and boundaries set by Dr. Baer. I was a mess and honestly didn’t know what was best for me. I believe Dr. Baer did his best to treat me in the safety of therapy while gaining knowledge about the rare the circumstance of my multiplicity.

Thank you for sharing your story. I would love to read your book when it’s published! It takes time and many rejections before someone sees the value of stories like ours. Never give up hope! Have faith!

Karen

Comment by Carmen Anna on 20 Oct 2011 at 5:35 pm

Dear Karen,

I finished reading Switching Time a week ago and can’t stop thinking about you. I mean I am not obsessed or want to stalk you. I admire you a lot and wish to get to know you more. You see I was abused a lot as a child and think I dissociated my abuse until now. I am twenty eight and your story proves that I am not a mpd woman but definitely have dissociative issues. I dont lose time but I do forget a lot. Do you think I should find help or live my life with regret? I know it takes awhile to receive your answer but I have all the time in the world. I have patience to. I will try to find you on facebook. Will you befriend me or reject me? Good luck in your future.

Dear Carmen Anna,

I’m inspired by your answering your own question. You asked “Do you think I should find help or live my life with regret?”  Clearly you believe that it’s in your best interest to seek help! I once thought I had all the time in the world, too, but believe me, if you are feeling life is draining, than you are not living your life as your best self. Patience is a blessing, but not patience when it comes to what you need to help yourself, time is precious. Forgetfulness at times may simply mean you are trying not to focus on what troubles you. It’s always best to seek help with a qualified therapist before your emotions get the best of you.

Yes, I’m on Facebook, as Karen Overhill, and will befriend you! Thank you for asking!

Thank you for your well wishes!

Karen

Comment by Just Me on 15 Oct 2011 at 1:28 pm

i went thru similar things. I do not have DID that I know of. I feel that I must be lying to myself

Dear Just Me,

Just because you may have gone through similar things as I have, it doesn’t mean you’re lying to yourself.  I’m not a therapist and can’t give out advice, and I don’t know whether you have DID or not, but I believe what’s most important is for you to seek help from a qualified professional therapist who can help you understand why you feel the way you do. There’s no shame in seeking help. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. If you’re feeling low, have dark thoughts, or simply need to talk to someone about your life struggles, there is help for you. The most important step is your first step.

Wishing you all my best as you find your best path to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Pearl on 14 Oct 2011 at 10:53 am

Hi Karen! Finished reading your story and my God! How can one person go through so so many storms and come out kind and compassionate? What’s your secret? I would love to read more about you. Are you and Richard Baer writing another book together? Please do!

Hugs and Kisses.

Pearl

Dear Pearl,

Thank you for recognizing me in such a good way. I can’t imagine treating anyone as I don’t wish to be treated. I believe in giving and sharing one act of kindness at a time. I admit there have been a few bad moments, but not bad enough for me to lash out at anyone. I believe we all carry hurts and no one knows what the other is feeling. I don’t judge and pray no one else does. For me, staying calm brings peace of mind. I have a hard time with toxic people, but empathize with them, for I know they must be hurting to treat others with disrespect.

We are in the beginning phases of writing a sequel to Switching Time. I’m excited about this new project because it will share the ups and downs of my life as a mom, and after therapy ended.  What happened after is as much a powerful journey as before my integration. As always my goal is to help others understand what it is like to be me, after integration, as one woman with a variety of interests. My integration was over ten years ago and not once has an alter resurfaced, not once was a new alter created.

Thank you for your question, and for encouraging Dr. Baer and me to write another book.

Karen

Comment by Logan on 13 Oct 2011 at 9:56 am

Karen. I am amazed at your survival instinct and believe you hold many answers to life’s ups and downs. Keep on encouraging us here and on facebook. I bought your book in England during vacation and spent an entire day absorbed in what I consider the grandest of survival stories. God surely keeps a close watch on you. I believe. Thank you!

God bless you.

Logan

Dear Logan,

Thank you!  I wish I had the answers to life’s ups and downs. What I do know for sure is that I have good instincts when I listen to myself. I love hearing stories of how Switching Time, or in England, A Life in Pieces, finds its way into people’s lives. I believe there is a reason for everything. I do know God has never once left my side and I feel blessed. Have faith and healing will follow.

God bless you,

Karen

Comment by Amy on 02 Oct 2011 at 7:39 pm

Hi Karen!

You are absolutely incredible. I met a woman a couple years ago with DID and she showed me her journal with all the different handwritings, and she had sketches of the personalities. I am so glad that someone had the strength and the courage to allow their story to become a book, because it offered a whole level of insight into what she was struggling with. I still am so impressed with you and how amazing you are. Your story made me cry, and knowing that you are not losing time anymore is a miracle and is so wonderful.

Thank you again for letting the world know you story, its one more step to ending the horrible stigma of mental illness.

Amy

Dear Amy,

Thank you for your kind compliment! When making the decision to share my story, Dr. Baer and I both hoped to reach all those who have suffered, or knew of someone who had suffered, with multiplicity. I’m glad my story helped you understand the woman you met a few years ago. Hearing stories such as yours touches me. I agree, Switching Time has brought a whole new level of insight to a once incomprehensible illness. Sharing brings knowledge and knowledge brings wisdom. I continue to learn something new about myself each day.

I truly appreciate your thoughts and though my story made you cry, please know that I’m alive and well, thanks to Dr. Baer and my alters, who protected me my entire life.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Danielle on 01 Oct 2011 at 8:29 pm

I have great respect for you and would like to ask if you could share any recent hurts that took you for a loop back to end of your therapy. I am in a loop right now I am embarrassed to admit I hurt again. What can you share of getting over new hurts? Thank you.

Dear Danielle,

There have been hurts, but I deal with them quickly by acknowledging the hurt and trying to place it where it belongs. If it’s an old hurt resurfacing, I remember what I’d learned from the past and let it go by not allowing it to affect my present or future. It’s easier said than done, but I try to stay on the side of reality and be optimistic. For me, insecure thoughts tend to threaten my present.  I accept that life is a challenge and my healing journey never ends.

I admit that I, too, feel shame at times when taken back into dark thoughts and despair. I’m glad it doesn’t happen often. It’s hard for me to accept those temporary bad times after all the accomplishments I’ve made, but truthfully, I’m human, just like everyone else, and suffer setbacks now and then.  The difference is now I can recognize these times and quickly address them. It’s important to have a trusted someone to talk dark thoughts over with. Whatever helps you feel better, just do it.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself. No one’s perfect and we all need help at times.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Roben on 29 Sep 2011 at 3:57 pm

I’ve finally taken the time to read the book! Will send feedback once I’m done. Just learned today from Darlene that you’d moved out of state. You are sorely missed! I thought I had your email but don’t and failed to ask if there was a way to reach you just to wish you well. So, doing so via this blog….sorry if it’s an issue. You’re such a nice lady and always so kind & caring…just felt compelled to say good luck to you & God bless!

Dear Roben,

So great to hear from you! I’m glad to hear you started reading my story and I know how important it was for you to take care of your own needs first. I miss you and many from the Center and wish to keep in touch. It’s my hope they find me here on my blog, on Facebook, or through my email: [email protected].

Yes, I moved from Chicago to Texas and I’m doing my best to settle in. I’m meeting many wonderful new friends that touch my spirit and my future growth. I survived my psychological journey and am beginning my spiritual journey to wholeness.  I believe I’m right where I need to be and that God has opened a new door for me to explore and become my best self.

Thank you for your kind compliments. I look forward to keeping in touch!

God bless you!

Karen

Comment by Margaret on 28 Sep 2011 at 11:22 am

Dear Karen,

I admire your strength and courage. I listened to your last interview and I am encouraged to get to know all of me by journaling and taking time out for myself. In the last two months I have completely finished one journal and reflect back making comments and highlighting moments of accomplishments. Do you encourage people to write and read back what they have written or write and not re-read? You are a awesome healer. Bet you din’t know that!

Love you,

Margaret

Dear Margaret,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I’m glad to hear that you journal. Journaling has been a part of my healing and has enabled me to move forward. I think of writing in my journal as venting my emotions on paper. I let my thoughts flow freely and never re-read my words unless there’s a need to. Most of the time I would write in my journal and once I filled it, I’d turn it over to Dr. Baer for safekeeping. Much of what I’d written in my many journals helped with the writing of Switching Time. Dr. Baer is holding onto thousands of my written pages.

I encourage everyone to write. It’ gives me an amazing feeling of freedom. Writing helps you let go and understand your past.  Keep on writing and know that moving forward, with an occasional look back, can be the most fulfilling experience.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen