Comment by Stacie Ann on 11 Nov 2010 at 10:31 am

OMG Karen! After ALL that you survived you have gone through the experience of your son fighting in war. I am so inspired by you. I want to hear more of how you live! Thank your son for serving our country! I pray he is well! Did he suffer any injuries? Did he come home suffering PTSD? Is he happy? What did you think about his being a Marine? When did he join the military? Were you supportive or distressed when you heard? Did Dr. Richard’s children serve, too! If so there is no greater honor. Anyone who can survive their child fighting for the U.S.A. needs a medal of honor. Thank you, thank your son, thank Dr. Richard for supporting you through another hell. Love you!

Happy Veteran’s Day!

Stacie Ann

Dear Stacie Ann,

Thank you for your support! I will thank my son for you! I’m very proud of him for serving our country! I’m happy that he is home and doing well.  My son did receive minor shrapnel injuries, but nothing life threatening. I believe all those who serve and come home do so with a few emotional issues. Fighting in wartime is not an easy job. My son needed time to heal, physically and emotionally.

My son came home from high school on his seventeenth birthday with a Marine recruiting officer by his side. This was one year before September 11th. He’d made the decision to join the Marines and needed his father’s and my signature because he was seventeen. He told us he’d been waiting for this day for years and didn’t need until his 18th birthday to decide. We talked at length and signed. He had been talking about becoming a Marine since he was ten years old, and I knew at some point he would join. September 11, 2001, happened while my son was in boot camp. My son’s first duty was to prepare for Iraq. He’s now married to a wonderful schoolteacher. He’s happy and content with his life. I’m proud to be his Mom.

As parents, we all hope our children will live their lives as responsible and confidant adults. My son chose be a United States Marine because he felt serving our country was in his best interest.

Thank you for honoring Veteran’s Day!

Karen

Comment by KAR MD on 05 Nov 2010 at 5:11 pm

I am a fifty two year old male psychologist. I have schooled for twenty years with an MD specializing in Neurology. In my quest to be at my best I have undergone my own intense therapy. I have found my own personal sexual abuse to be an asset to treating my male sexual abuse patients. I would like to know if Richard Baer M.D. has been a victim of sexual abuse himself and if so, did his treatment of you help him overcome his past? Do you believe Dr. Baer to have been a victim of sexual abuse? Has he shared his pain with you? What was it that you sensed in him that was able to understand you? Did you see him, the therapist as an abuse victim? Do you believe Dr. Baer in his treatment with you discover love in himself and for others? As a therapist I would like to learn more of his effort to treat you. I ask with utmost respect for him. I have tried to contact him myself with no success. Much appreciate your response.

KAR MD

Dear Dr. KAR,

Thank you for writing to me.  During my therapy and in the years after treatment ended, Dr. Baer has shared at times that he had to go through his own psychoanalysis as required for all therapists in psychoanalytic training. I’ve respected that he understood the therapy process because he also had to conduct his own therapy. I have on occasion asked Dr. Baer whether he was abused. He’s always said no. I admired Dr. Baer’s ability to be empathetic to my own abuse. There was a time when I thought no one, not even Dr. Baer, could understand my pain unless they too were abused. I once assumed Dr. Baer was abused himself, but realized that I was picking up on something other than abuse. I believe my own abuse was bouncing off the blank wall he presented as my confidant.

I’m certain that once abused, an awareness is present that can help one be attuned to others who have been abused. This I know for sure because I am attuned to others this way. I believe those who have been abused have this gift of sensitivity. I can sense with near perfect accuracy when someone has been abused or is presently being abused, and can identify those who are the abusers. A gift? I’m not sure, but being attuned does raise many red flags within me and triggers my past thoughts of once being a victim myself.

During my therapy with Dr. Baer, he rarely shared anything about himself personally, but when he did, it was in an effort to help me feel at ease in order to help me understand what happened to me. Therapy is an intimate journey and stories are shared between therapist and patient to bring a sense of calm. I believe with my whole being that Dr. Baer became a better man for treating me. If he had any issues, he did not share them with me, but being attuned to him, I knew more than he thought. We both grew in knowledge from sharing.

I’m sorry you were unable to contact Dr. Baer.  You can find him on Facebook. I appreciate that you respect his work with me.

Thank you! Wishing you all my best for success!

Karen

Comment by Paula on 05 Nov 2010 at 12:54 pm

Stupid me>>>AAARRRGH! I made a mistake and shared something and it leaked out and now more people know about my illness than I wanted to. I am afraid and hate this. What happens when someone close to you reveals your secret?  Your story inspires me a lot. I know you must’ve had people slip too. What to you think about a friend who slips your private detailed life? I am sharing your book with a lot of people. Your story is amazing. I wish I were you.

Paula

Detroit, MI

Dear Paula,

Mistakes happen. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. There were a few times when I had wished I didn’t share something of a personal nature. I learned a valuable lesson from it and moved forward. Forgive yourself. Forgive your friend.

When someone shares something personal about you, such as your illness, it may be simply they were concerned or amazed by you. I would not worry too much. Worrying will make you sick. If possible, just let it go. If approached with questions simply state: “Yes, it’s true. I’m in therapy. Thank you”.  Be your best self!

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Emily on 05 Nov 2010 at 11:46 am

I am thirty years old and in therapy with a well known psychiatrist but can’t for the life of me feel any connection to him. I am asking how you built rapport with your therapist. How did you receive help and how did you manage to stay with him and engaged in therapy over many years. What kept you in his care? My therapist is nice but after three years I can’t bond. Do you have any advice for me? I feel like quitting. I have D.I.D. and need help not aggravation. Another thing he’s never on time.

Emily

Dear Emily,

I understand. It took time for me to build trust and rapport with Dr. Baer, too! There is no secret to bonding, it happens when your healing begins and as your relationship develops. Staying engaged in the therapy process was no easy task. I was fortunate not to have felt threatened by Dr. Baer. During my sessions, Dr. Baer remained calm, accepting, and did not appear overwhelmed by my distress. Though I’m sure he must’ve felt overwhelmed by empathizing with my story, he did not share his grief with me. I believed Dr. Baer cared. I was more concerned with frightening him away or that he would be unable to treat me. I felt toxic and did not wish to hurt him or anyone. Dr. Baer never gave up on me. I needed unconditional care to help me help myself. I needed to be heard. Dr. Baer listened.

I’m not sure how to advise you since I’m not a therapist. I believe it takes time to heal. One thing that helped me was that Dr. Baer was never late. Having an on-time therapist was best for me. Lateness would have frustrated me and hurt my feelings. Dr. Baer and I worked well together in part because we respected each other’s time. Have you shared with your therapist how his lateness affects you? Tell him. Maybe together you can find a solution?

I admit there were a few times I felt like quitting, too. But I learned my feelings were misplaced. Together, Dr. Baer and I would discuss whatever confused and disturbed me regarding my therapy. Those dark thoughts and feelings usually resurfaced from some memory from my past. A reminder or trigger. Once I understood that I was able to learn where my reactions were coming from. Please talk over your concerns with your therapist. In doing so perhaps you will find the bond you are looking for. Be open. Be honest. And don’t worry about what he thinks…your therapist is there to help you, not hurt you.

Please know that at any time during your therapy you can seek out another therapist for a second opinion. Remember, therapy is hard enough to maintain; there is no room for disrespect. If your present therapist isn’t right for you, please find a therapist you feel comfortable working with. It’s your choice, your decision. Life is too short to not receive the appropriate help you need on your journey to wellness.

Wishing you all my best,

Karen

Comment by Facebook Friends on 04 Nov 2010 at 11:38 pm

Please post your Good Morning America interview on your Facebook account. Many GMA interviews are posted, why not yours? I tried to tag your interview, but it wouldn’t tag. I notice you have it on you Web site but there is no link to it. Please post the link. We, your Facebook friends would like to see it shared. We would greatly appreciate it! Thank you.

Beth, Mary, Sally, Lorie, Jen, Mike, Robert, Phil and many others.

Dear Facebook Friends,

Thank you for your support and for asking me to share my interview! I truly appreciate each of you who care. The GMA interview of Dr. Baer and me can be seen on the Switching Time Web site under Media. It’s also on my Facebook page, listed in my boxes and likes. I believe you can also find the same interview on YouTube.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Nancy on 04 Nov 2010 at 11:27 pm

Dear Karen,

Do you need protection from your family for telling your story? Does every one of your friends and family know what you went through and suffered through? I read your book and would like to ask for an opinion. Do you tell every one you meet? I am inspired by you to talk about my abuse. You are right no children should ever suffer again. Not these days. Our future is an open book. You said we encourage hope through sharing our stories so I made a decision today to report my father who raped me when I was 12 and until I moved out at 18. I am twenty three and in therapy. My therapist said it’s my decision. I have two young sister ages 15 and 19 living at home. I never asked them if they to were abused but I suspect my 19 year sister was. What should I do? Should I tell her I am going to report our father or wait? I admire you and would respect your help with this or even if you ask Dr. Baer what he thinks I should do? I never told anyone about this before. You are the first beside Dr. Troy.

Thank you.

Nancy

Dear Nancy,

Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you’ve decided to report your father and seek help for yourself. I know that doing so is difficult for you. But know that we all need to make decisions that meet our needs and to do what we think is right. Removing an abuser from the streets before he hurts someone else is the right thing to do, especially if it’s your sister.

I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but if I were you, I would share your story with your sisters and let them know what you went through. Then carefully explain your plans to report your father. Tell them what happened to you, but do not expect them to share the same with you, unless they are ready. Your sisters may express anger and disbelief, or compassion and empathy, but what’s most important is to allow them space to absorb what you’ve said. Tell them you need to report your father’s abuse for yourself and that you do not hold any expectations they do the same. At the same time, don’t allow them to turn you aside from what you’ve decided to do.

During my healing, sharing was difficult for me. I chose not to share with all friends and family members for my own sense of self and peace of mind. I didn’t share until after my therapy ended. For me, that was best. There were many different people in my life, some toxic, many not. But in sharing, exposed truths can destroy many relationships. I needed to heal, feel secure, and gain strength through trust. My family was not there to protect me. At this time not all family members and friends know my story. I chose cautiously. As time passes, I will share more.

Wishing you all my best for a safe journey,

Karen

Comment by Beth on 03 Nov 2010 at 4:00 am

There has been alot of talk about Kim Noble and knowing Kim like I do as a mother first, an artist second and just happens to have DID. I would like to make some factual remarks. Kim’s artwork has been exhibited for 7 years all over the world, her book “All of me” was written before the Oprah show and is published 2011 and filming in Japan and London had taken place also beofre the Oprah show.

Unlike Dr Baer Kim’s theapist is unable to disclose any clients confidentality even with Kim’s permission, there are other clients with DID to consider. Perhaps in the UK it is different.

Also Kim chose not to interate 16 years ago.

Kim’s daughter Aimee wanted to be a guest on the show and after much discussions Aimee wanted her say. Due to the lack of time on the Oprah show much was cut. Yet it was felt by all professionals working with Aimee and Kim that it would be emotionally damaging for Aimee to be left out.

Beth

Dear Beth,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions. I truly appreciate hearing from you. I have not read much on Kim Noble other than we were once featured in the same magazine article a few years ago. I can understand that people in general have many opinions, and that’s their right, but that doesn’t mean I agree with all I hear or read. I never met Kim Noble, but would have loved to get to know her. I honestly don’t know of anyone who has had the same or similar experiences that I have. I didn’t know she chose not to integrate. I admire her for her decision. In my case, it was in my best interest to integrate. No two multiples are alike; we share a common thread but we are unique in our life experiences. My system was failing and my thoughts of suicide were increasing. I was exhausted all the time. One of my alters, Holdon, felt it was time that we integrated. I really had not thought about it too deeply, but since my alters thought it for the best, then so be it.

That’s great news to hear Kim’s artwork has been exhibited for seven years around the world! I wish I had been more disciplined and not sold away most of my artwork to unknown buyers just to make a few dollars to live on. There was a time during high school when my art was on exhibit along with a few other students, but I only vaguely remember those shows. I admire Kim’s ability to continue her artwork. I stopped my art after integration and have not attempted to continue since then, though I do desire to so some day! Art is still a huge part of me. Maybe I will pick up my brushes and start again. It will be interesting to see what I come up with now that I am whole.

I’m not sure of the ethical differences between countries. I know that Dr. Baer did not disclose any of my therapy without my permission and only after integration was complete. As far as having my daughter appear on any show. It’s not actually something I’m totally against. My daughter is now twenty-five years old and I can’t imagine exposing her to that at thirteen. Although I’m sure she would’ve done great, just like Aimee did, I’ll never know. You may be right, Aimee may stay well and is mature enough to handle being on Oprah. Aimee is mature compared to my daughter at the same age. I believe she did a great job as guest.

I would love to meet Kim Noble in person and chat with her. It would’ve been a privilege to talk with her while she was in Chicago during the Oprah Show taping. For that, I am a bit upset. But I’m grateful that the illness we both share, integration or not, is being talked about. Knowledge is power. And for me that’s all that matters.

Please wish Kim my very best! I am sending my good luck wishes on her film and book. If possible, please ask her to write to me here or on Facebook. I would love to hear from her!

Karen

Comment by Will on 31 Oct 2010 at 6:06 pm

Hi Karen,

I am currently taking a class on abusive relationships (working toward becoming a mental health counselor). For a class project I decided to use your story as a case example for trauma survivors who are diagnosed with DID. I am impressed with the progress you have made working with Dr. Baer!

Is there anything you believe would be worth emphasizing about your journey? Anything you believe would help other abuse survivors?

I hope all is well with you and that you are able to continue making progress in your recovery!

Best Wishes,

Will

Dear Will,

Thank you for sharing, for your well wishes, and for choosing to use my story as a case example! I will share what I can in hope to help. Please know that you can befriend me on Facebook for more information. It is my desire to encourage hope through sharing my story.

There are more than a few things that are worth emphasizing about my story to help other abuse survivors. I will share a few thoughts though I am not a therapist and by no means will comment other than from my own personal experience.

In my experience I would share that manipulation was a common thread in my life before, during, and after therapy. If not careful, I can fall victim time and again. As a one time victim, my life continues on as a never ending reminder of what once was. But the difference therapy made is that when dark moments resurface I am able to acknowledge them, deal with them, and make sure they stay in my past, while at the same time not allowing my past to ruin my present or future. Abuse is abuse. It never really goes away. I believe healing for an abused person is a life long journey. I continue to have a bad moment now and then, but do my best to move forward and live my life to the best of my ability.

The most important thing I learned was to recognize that I am no longer a victim. I can’t change what happened to me but I can change the way I deal with it. If I allow the pain of past into my present then my abusers won and I am imprisoned. Letting go is hard. But constantly feeling like a victim is worse than all.

It takes time to heal. There is no cure but to take time for yourself and patience. There were many days when I felt like giving up. I felt like I had lost faith and hope. But I didn’t. It was simply hidden in heart break. Repeatedly I had to step back from myself and re-think thoughts of suicide. I needed help, sought it out, and received the best care. I was fortunate. It is my hope all can receive the unconditional care that I have. Time heals.

Thank you for asking.

Karen

Comment by Dave on 31 Oct 2010 at 12:34 pm

Hey Karen!

It’s Halloween Day! Have a great one! Crazy day today but interested if you believe in paranormal activity. Do you see things, hear things, sense things out of this world? Some people like you have a keen sense of unexplainable awareness. Do you? Can you predict things? Can you tell things ahead of time? Do lights go out around you? You may be fortunate to use your abilities in paranormal work. Ever think of working in the field?

Great story! Gave me the willies. Have a spooktacular day!

Crazy Dave

Dear Dave,

Hope you had a great Halloween Day, too! Paranormal activity? I’m not sure, but I believe in the unbelievable. That comes from living my life as a multiple, which is incomprehensible to most people. I will not judge, but for my own experiences, I would have to say I stay on the side of reality. And in reality anything is possible.

I admit, I am highly attuned to more than most and have a sixth sense, so to speak, when it comes to feeling different things around me. But I believe that comes from being on guard twenty-four-seven, in order to survive. There have been times I knew something ahead of time, but I can’t explain how or why, nor can I predict when those moments happen.

Unexplainable? Lights out? How did you know? Yes, lights do on occasion go out when I’m nearby, but that doesn’t make me special. Why? Because that can happen to anyone at any time. No one notices a light until it blows out, right?

I’m sorry my story gave you the willies but it’s unfortunately true horror…I’ll keep you posted on the paranormal work. Sounds interesting.

Hope your day was spooktacular….

Karen 🙂

Comment by Amanda on 29 Oct 2010 at 4:36 pm

Karen is it okay with you to use your story for my class project? It is due by winter break and I would really like to get an A and think your story will do it. Really. I think you are the most inspirational woman I read about in my psych class. This assignment needs to be on one remarkable person and a psychological story in which may have changed the life for the better for others, I can’t think of anyone else who accomplished what you have despite great odds. In my studies I found your story an asset to the medical world. I will welcome any advice and help. If I have any questions where can I send it other than your blog. I can understand you can’t get back real fast but I have a few weeks and will start working on it praying you will say yes. If not It won’t be a loss because you are amazing and not at all dull. My name is Amanda and I will send you this same message to your facebook account. Please accept my friendship. Thank you so much.

Amanda

NYU

Dear Amanda,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I am touched and honored that you chose me to write about! It will be a privilege to share what I can with you for your studies. As you know by now I have accepted your friend request on Facebook. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Please send me your questions there for a quicker response. My answers here take a bit longer to post. Thank you very much, your letter made my day!

Wishing you all my best!

Karen