Comment by Joseph on 03 Sep 2009 at 6:46 am

Kar, could you share some detail of what happened when someone confronted you face to face in anger? What causes a switch to occur? I know you are now integrated but do you still have that automatic response mode that once helped you to survive? If attacked today, not that I wish you to be, how would you react? A quick reflex or stunned silence, maybe a pause? Thank you for making me think.

Joseph, Harlem, GA

Dear Joseph,

I haven’t thought about switching for a while. In the past when anyone would come into my space, too close for comfort, an automatic switch would occur and the alter best able to handle that moment’s confrontation would come out and take over.  A slight pause would happen, and then the alter would take over.  A switch would occur whenever I felt threatened or uncomfortable.  A switch is a coping mechanism that allows one to disappear or move away from the present. I believe it’s a survivor’s way to get around trouble.

I don’t have the same automatic response these days as I had in the past when my alters were active.  However, I do have a reaction.  I have a built-in radar or instinct that can warn me of potential trouble.  Most likely I will be able to defuse the agitated person or walk away.  But I’ve found that I get irritated more than before.  I’m not very good at handling irate people as I once was.  I never had to deal with these people on my own before.  My alters always handled anything that brought me discomfort.  I do have the alters’ knowledge now but I’m not as quick in acting on what to do. The alters’ response was automatic; now I have to think about it. Therefore, I try my best to stay away from these sorts of people.

Thank you for the challenging question. I hope my answer satisfies your curiosity.

Karen

Comment by Ronald on 03 Sep 2009 at 6:44 am

Dear Karen,

Switching Time is a great book! Unbelievable and fascinating at the same time. I am a student. I arrived home from a summer in England, actually read the UK version, A Life in Pieces, while there. When I arrived home I ordered the US version to save in my collection. I heard you are on Facebook as well as Richard Baer. That’s so great! I may be adding the both of you to my fb friends list, I am thrilled that you lived through your ordeal. I would have died. No way could I survive such horror. I would love to meet you and Doc Baer some day. Cheers!

Ronald

Dear Ronald,

That’s interesting to hear that you read our UK version of Switching Time, which is the same book, with a different cover and entitled A Life in Pieces.  I also enjoyed the switch in whose harrowing story it was!  The US version says ” A Doctor’s Harrowing Story…” while the UK version wrote “A Woman’s Harrowing Story …”  An interesting reverse of words, and I like that.  It was a harrowing story for both of us!

Yes, Dr. Baer and Karen Overhill are on Facebook!  We would love to welcome all those who wish to befriend us.  Just look us up and ask.  On Facebook, I have shared pictures of the book covers from the countries where our story was published.

I believe if I could survive what happened to me, others can survive too, including you, with faith.  That’s one reason I share my story, in hope to help others understand what can happen to a child when abused.  I believe when a child is abused, she automatically switches into her own unique survivor mode.  Whether through dissociation, crying, screaming, fighting, running away, or simply becoming paralyzed with fear, whatever the abuse, each child will try their best to survive.  We all have a survivor instinct.  I believe that if you really deep down want to survive, you will.

If Dr. Baer and I should make any appearances in the future, we will post them here and on Facebook!

Thank you.

Karen

Comment by Jess on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:10 pm

Hi Karen,

I was about to read your words when the news of this girl who was kidnapped eighteen years ago was found. I read your reviews on the book Escape and other books. I really like what your opinions say. Anyways your story was very good. I read your book twice. Thank Richard Baer for me. Thank you for being you.

Jess

Dear Jess,

Thank you for your compliment on my reviews!  I try my best to share my opinions, thoughts, and comments in hope that we all learn from each other.  Abuse is abuse.  What happened to Jaycee is so sad, as well as what has happened to other victims of abuse.

I’m sure Dr. Baer will read your thankful wishes here on my blog.

I appreciate your thanks that I be “me.”  That’s the person I always hope to be!  Standing up as one woman who has experienced so much can be draining at times, but staying optimistic is my goal!

Karen

Comment by Dean on 02 Sep 2009 at 11:52 am

Karen,

Do people like you get judged a lot? I wonder ’cause I am schizophrenic and people judge me all the time. If I takes my meds I’m okay but when I’m feeling okay feel I don’t need my meds so I stop. Is it the same for mpd people? What kind of meds treat mpd? Why do people like me stop taking meds if they work. In your book you stopped your meds and did better. Why do people like me get worse off meds. We are the same mental illness are we not? I hear voices and people talking, you did to. What’s the difference?

Dean

Dear Dean,

Sometimes, yes, multiples are judged, in the same way as other disabled people can be judged.  It’s just a normal part of having an illness that is incomprehensible to most people. It’s why Dr. Baer and I are sharing my story.  When a multiple starts sharing some of what they have experienced, it’s hard for most to believe. When a multiple appears indifferent or temporarily spaced out, they may be seen as odd or not intelligent.

Schizophrenia is not the same as multiple personality disorder.  I am not a therapist and can’t give an exact medical definition, but to my knowledge a schizophrenic hears voices coming from the inside of their own head as if someone is talking to them from the outside, but there’s really no one there.  A multiple doesn’t hear voices in that way. A multiple hears conversation within herself.  Maybe the distinction is subtle, but it’s really a big difference.

I’m not sure why schizophrenics have the desire to stop their medication when they feel at their best, but I believe they don’t quite understand that the reason they feel good is because of the help their medication provides.  For a multiple, as I was, medications didn’t usually work.  At least they never worked for me.  Whenever a switch occurred while on medication, each alter’s response to that medication was different.  The only medication that helped me temporary was Xanax, which would lessen my anxiety temporarily.  It was like an aspirin. It helped my symptoms, but not what caused them. I rarely took any medication at all.

What I did during my therapy isn’t advisable.  I stopped my medication without telling Dr. Baer.  It worked out okay for me because my alters started to come out and were able to express themselves without having the medication interfere with their individuality and uniqueness.  But it’s not the same for schizophrenia.

Thank you for your challenging questions. I hope that my answer is sufficient.

Karen

Comment by Rebecca on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:05 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you for answering questions. My brother has been diagnosed with DID about three years ago. It all makes sense to me now that I read your story. I read your book because of wanting to know more about my brother’s illness. He still lives at home, unable to live on his own. He wasn’t exactly like you, he got in ton’s of trouble. So much help knowing what happened to you. I am so much more understanding of him. The book Dr. Baer wrote about you saved me from a future of hating my brother. You see, my brother is thirteen years older then me, is now thirty, I’m seventeen and a junior in high school. My brother was extremely abused by his father who is now imprisoned. I am worried about my brother at this time because he is extremely agitated now that he found out his biological abusive father is up for an appeal in five months after serving twenty years of a twenty five year sentence. My brother is responding to therapy really well but this information set him back. What can happen if his father comes after him? He no longer has the same last name but what can  happen to my brothers alters if they spot him somewhere? One of the alter’s is paranoid of everything. I see big problems and don’t know what I can do as a sister to help him. My mom and dad don’t know about the upcoming appeal. I was home when the letter came addressed to my mom. My brother grabbed it from me and read it. I’m really afraid. Should I tell our parents? You don’t have to answer me right away, there is five months to wait.

Thank you kindly,

Rebecca

Dear Rebecca,

Thank you for sharing your incredible story about your brother and all that he has gone through. Sounds like you and your brother have a close relationship that’s been challenged by his illness. I’m sorry that he is suffering at this time after receiving news about his biological father possibly being released from prison. I ‘m sure that he must be suffering and his alters must be in chaos.  I would be, too!  You haven’t mentioned whether your brother is in therapy, if he is, that’s good.  If not, please seek help for him  soon.

Keeping such a huge secret from your parents is not a good idea. I’m sure your Mom has anticipated this day for over twenty years and has the right to know about the letter.  I believe your Mom and Dad can be of help in lessening the anxiety your brother is feeling. Remember, talking things through works better for a multiple.  If your brother holds in his pain without sharing with his therapist or your parents there could be damage to his inner system that helped him survive.  It’s really best to deal with it.

I am touched that you chose to write to me. That’s a very big compliment for me.  I wish I could be of more help and advise you, but I am not a professional therapist.  At this time I think your brother needs the support of a therapist to help him overcome any fear and anxiety about his father’s situation.

Thank you for writing, please know that I encourage you and him to seek help.

My best wishes to you and your family. I will be looking forward to hearing how it all worked out.

Karen

Comment by Diana regarding Jaycee on 02 Sep 2009 at 9:51 am

Dear Karen,

As a woman who suffered so could you give any words of comfort to all those who may wish to rush in to help Jaycee with all that she suffered being kept captive for eighteen years. I heard she cried when her abuse was arrested. I don’t understand why she cried for someone who stole her child hood? Can you explain how you felt when you heard her story? What advice would you give for her therapists? Thank you, Karen! Your wisdom and faith are an inspiration to me.

Diana, OK

Dear Diana,

I’m sorry to hear the awful news about what happened to Jaycee. I felt nauseated.  I can empathize with her.  Being kept prisoner while being controlled by one’s abusers is something that is not only horrific but incomprehensible.  It’s my hope that Jaycee will be given the best of care, a slow and steady treatment by one individual therapist, and not be the subject of too many.

Whether removed from one’s home or abused in one’s home, the victim lives within her own mind, a prison that keeps one from trying to escape.  Maybe I could’ve run away if I only knew more?  I’ll never know.  Many questions continue to cloud my thoughts.  Who would’ve believed me?  Where would I have gone?  How would I have known what to do?  And what would the consequences be if I told someone?  Fear kept me paralyzed.  I believed my abusers’ threats of killing my brothers, my mother, and me.  I believe Jaycee may have felt that same way.

Jaycee did what she had to do to survive. What started off as intolerable abuse somehow became a tolerable way of life for her.  I believe she had to let go, accept a new sense of reality, and stay compliant to her abuser in order to survive.  It’s a very complex coping mechanism.

Please, to all concerned, do not overwhelm this woman or her children.  Allow her privacy to heal in peace.  Time and again she will need help.  Please be patient and not make her the subject of your humiliation.  She is a victim of abuse.  There will be no immediate answers.  Don’t ask.  Remember she was eleven when abducted, not yet a woman, not yet even a teen.  I understand.  Hope all of you will, too.

Give her a chance to breathe, for the first time in a long time.

Thank you.

Karen

Comment by Lois on 01 Sep 2009 at 4:55 pm

Hi Karen!

Hope all is well with you! I believe in you and Dr. Baer’s work with integration of the alters one at a time. My thereapist tried to do all eleven of mine at one time and failed miserably. I don’t know what to do. Should I see another thereapist or try again? Does Dr. Baer know what to do when the intergration goes badly? My alters are in worst shape now. I would like to know what you would do Karen if your alter integration failed. Would you trust Dr. Baer again or find someone new?

Great, you’re great!

Lois

Dear Lois,

I’m sorry your first attempt at integration didn’t work so well. Please don’t give up. In my opinion, I believe it’s best to integrate one alter at a time. Well, at least that worked for me, and my integration took. I’m not sure what Dr. Baer would’ve done if any one of my alter’s integration hadn’t worked. I think my work with Dr. Baer took time and patience, years of building trust with each individual alter, and making sure each alter was ready without being forced into an integration. Knowledge of what integration means to each alter is very important.

Therapy for a multiple is time consuming and can’t be rushed. Trust doesn’t happen overnight. Although the goal of therapy is to become one, Dr. Baer never rushed me through therapy to integrate. During therapy Dr. Baer never forced any of the alters against their will, nor told them what to do. He simply listened intently, waited for signs of an alter’s readiness to integrate, and cared that each alter knew exactly what integration would do to help me become one woman.

Dr. Baer worked hard trying to keep up with all seventeen of my alters. Although some of my alters were children, my teen and adult alters were much more complex and needed more time to absorb the whole idea of letting go of their individuality and merging within me. Not one alter was lost. Each alter is me. I am all of them. However, now none of them exist as individual parts.

If I were you, I would give your therapist another chance. Integration is a learning process for the both of you. Teamwork. What works for one may not work for another. If any one of my integrations would’ve failed while I was in Dr. Baer’s care, yes, I would’ve continued on in his care. We had built a bond of trust from the ground up and would’ve simply tried again. Nothing is perfect. If you have a good therapeutic relationship with your therapist, give him another chance. Working together is how Dr. Baer and I succeeded. I hope the both of you can, too.

I think your alters may be in chaos at this time. Please speak to your therapist soon; your alter’s need to be reassured that they are not being left alone, in distress, after the failed group integration. Your therapist must know how you feel. Be honest with him and share with him what you have shared here with me.

I wish you all of my best on your continued journey to becoming one.

Karen

Comment by Lauren on 30 Aug 2009 at 2:43 pm

Hi Karen,

I finished the book this afternoon, and I must say that you are such a strong individual. The book was very gripping, and when I finished I felt content to know that you have not had another dissociative episode since.

Also, do not let rude comments like the one from “F” be a burden to you in any way. Clearly, that person has many problems and a horrible mindset.

Best Wishes,

Lauren

Dear Lauren,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments!  I’m glad you finished reading my story.  I find it amazing myself that I haven’t had another dissociative episode.  I admit, there were a few times I wished I could escape within myself, maybe at least keep one alter, but that was just unrealistic thinking on my part.  My alters may have helped me survive through a horrific childhood, but they were not so helpful to me as an adult.  My alters caused more chaos than I could cope with in the real world.  Integration was the best decision my alters made.  I’ve grown and need to live as one.  I no longer need to dissociate.

Thank you for your concern over F’s comment.  I promise not to allow rude comments such as his to get me down. People like him are not worth my stressing over. I know that I have survived, healed, and moved away from people like him.  F is not a burden to me.  Unfortunately, there are other’s like him; he’s not the first to write me with a rude comment, and most likely won’t be the last.  Seriously, I believe he needs help.  I hope he reads my blog answers and seeks a therapist ASAP.

Have a good day!

Karen

Comment by Larry on 30 Aug 2009 at 11:01 am

Hey Karen,

Checking in to see what’s going on these days. I haven’t been on this site for a few months and recently finished catching up with your writings. I am really happy things are going well for you. I will always appreciate your contribution to a cause. Child abuse victims need someone to turn to and learn from. I believe God chose the best person for the job, you. Best wishes. You are doing a great job. Hope you know that!

Larry R, St. Louis

Dear Larry,

Thanks for checking in again!  I’m glad that you took time to re-visit our Web site and catch up on my blog answers.  I enjoy knowing that my written words have meaning and that my readers actually like to come back to read what else I have to say.

Also, thank you for believing that my story is worth learning from.  I’m touched that you believe I’m the best person, chosen by God, for my job here on my blog, a job to help others. I never thought of it that way, but that definitely sounds encouraging. Thank you for having confidence in me.

Karen

Comment by Lucille on 30 Aug 2009 at 9:50 am

Dear Karen,

Do you believe in what goes around comes around? The answer you gave to convict F was right on! Do you think he will get his due and wind up in prison again? What do you think of him other than he’s pathetic? I am one grateful woman that’s happy you told your story. I can’t imagine the pain you felt telling it. But I do know the pain I feel with ten times less than you suffered. I hurt terribly and know you must have been feeling worse than me. I hope your doing okay now. God Bless You, Karen Overhill.

Lucille

Dear Lucille,

I believe there is a reason for everything.  Convict F had written in for a reason.  We may not know his exact reason, but I believe he hasn’t a clue how to seek the proper help.  I like to believe my story had hit a nerve within him that woke him up to the possibility that he has underlying issues that need desperate attention from a professional therapist. Maybe after reading my response he will seek help.  I’ll never know, but it is my hope that he has seen the error of his thoughts and will act on them.  If not, then yes, I hope that he will be caught and imprisoned again.  Hopefully before hurting someone.

I’m sorry that you also suffer from the pain of past abuse.  I know that pain.  Time and again I didn’t believe my pain would ever subside, but it did.  The more I released my pain in writing, in therapy with Dr. Baer, and in believing that I will never allow myself to be abused again, I slowly healed and made it to where I am today.  Time and patience, slow and steady determination and work, helped me heal. Please take time to heal. In my opinion, healing from past abuse is a lifetime commitment that needs nuturing and care from oneself.

Thank you for being happy that I shared my story. That means a lot to me. I admit, it was painful at times during the sharing of my story with Dr. Baer.  But at the same time, during the process my strength grew.  When Switching Time first became published, I wasn’t as strong about sharing my story as I am today.  As I continue to answer questions and share, the stronger my voice becomes.

It is my hope to continue to move forward and enjoy the life I was given.

God Bless you, Lucille.

Karen