Karen answers Karoline on 11 Aug 2009 at 9:29 am

Where do you live in the Chicago area? Can you share some of your favorite food places? I am traveling to Chicago where I think you and Baer live… I would like to walk some of the streets you walk. I’m not strange only wish to eat in a favorite place of yours and Baer’s? I would like to feel your presense. I belong to a book club. I don’t know why but after each book I read I have the urge to travel a moment in story tellers shoes. It completes the story for me. Have you ever read a book and wished you were there? I don’t always have the chance to travel. I will be in Chicago in two weeks. I know it would be impossible to meet you and Baer. This is the next best thing.  Baer shows great writing talent in your story. GTG.

Cheers!

Karoline

Dear Karoline,

How sweet of you to think of Dr. Baer and me and where we enjoy spending our time.  That’s very nice.  I don’t think anyone else has ever asked us this question.  I’m not sure about Dr. Baer’s favorite Chicago restaurants, and I don’t live in Chicago, but I do live in the Chicago suburbs and go downtown often. I have many favorite restaurants, but most are small intimate coffee shops or cafes.  I love to feel a sense of calm and peace wherever I go to eat.  If it were up to me, I’d go to a pub or coffee shop rather than some fancy high priced restaurant.  Atmosphere is the key for me.

I found one cafe, Ollie’s, in Palos Hills.  It’s quiet and a place where local artists have their artwork for sale and where writer’s frequent.  Besides that they have great homemade food, drinks, and teas.  A favorite sandwich of mine is turkey and brie with sliced apples and walnuts on whole wheat…yum!  It’s just an all around calm place. Truthfully, food comes second.  My favorite place is wherever I happen to be in the company of a great friend. The place doesn’t matter as much as the person I’m spending my time with.

I, too, have read many books where I was left with the feeling of wanting to travel.  I even dream of traveling to the places that I see in movies such as Under the Tuscan Sun or Mama Mia.  So yes, I understand your desire to walk in the story-teller’s shoes.

Thank you for sharing!

Karen

Comment by Susan on 11 Aug 2009 at 9:19 am

Dear Karen,

Do you get paid for blogging on your web site? I hope you are because that’s a lot of work you are doing to help people. I was in the middle of reading the book when I came home from seeing the movie Julie and Julia when I wanted to know other information about you. I played around on my pc and found you on facebook and from fb found this web site blog. I sat three hours reading your answers. Oh well, now to read a few more chapters before retireing. I like what you have to say. What you say is important to people. Glad you are here. Good Luck.

Susan

p.s. Did you go to see the new movie, Julia & Julie yet? Do.

Dear Susan,

No, I don’t get paid for blogging. I answer questions in order to help those who may want to hear more than what was written in Switching Time.  I believe in personally answering questions to stay in touch with our readers.  It is my hope to bring a better understanding of the illness I once suffered.  And I will continue as long as I am given the opportunity to do so.

Thank you for believing that what I say is important to people.  That means a lot to me.  I know there are hundreds of questions and answers here on my blog, but your three hours of reading them has touched me. Thank you for sharing that bit of info.

Yes, I did see the movie Julie & Julia last weekend.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  The story encouraged me to continue answering these questions on my blog.  I admit, sometimes I wonder who actually reads my blog, and then someone like you comes along.  How remarkable that is!   We all need a bit of encouragement now and then, and I believe the movie Julie & Julia provided me with just what I needed to feel inspired once again.

Thank you for being glad that I am here and for wishing me good luck!

Karen

Comment by Mel on 10 Aug 2009 at 3:29 pm

Hello Karen.

I would like to ask how you maintain your sanity answering questions of the past? Do you need to be in therapy in order to do it? If you are in therapy what does your therapist think of what you do? Did you even tell your therapist? I would think you’d need to be very careful with who you choose to trust with your story. I can’t imagine living doing what you do? Good Luck and God Bless you.

I wrote to Oprah about your book recommending it for her book club. A person from the show called me and asked what my thoughts were. I told them I felt you were robbed of your voice and wanted for you and the doctor to be on the show for people to see that you are okay.  I told them it the greatest book I ever read but sad at the same time. When will you and your doctor be on Oprah?

Mel

Dear Mel,

Maintain my sanity?  I just don’t think about it!  Answering questions here on my blog is therapeutic for me.  I believe answering questions gives me a sense of accomplishment after all I’ve been through.  I believe there is a reason for everything and that my sharing myself was meant to be.  I am no longer in therapy.

I don’t need a therapist to help me through answering questions.  My answers come from my heart and don’t usually cause me grief.  My answers come spontaneously.  There may have been a few questions that triggered a moment of distress, but quickly it subsided, leaving no lasting ill effects.  I don’t mind answering questions, especially if my answers bring comfort and help to someone who is suffering.

Regarding Oprah, thank you for writing to her on my behalf.  I’m not sure what you meant by my being “robbed of my voice.”  I believe my voice is heard loud and clear throughout the book.  I am everywhere and on every page.  Dr. Baer is real. I am real.  And I’m okay!

I believe if The Oprah Show is interested in my story then they will call.  If it is meant to be, God willing, it will be.  It continues to be our hope to share our story on Oprah.

Thank you for your compliments!

Karen

Comment by Samantha on 08 Aug 2009 at 9:18 pm

Hi Karen

I just wanted to tell you that I have started reading Switching Times two days ago. It is by far the best book i have ever read in my entire life.  I haven’t been able to put it down.  I have to say there was a time that I actually cried during it.

You are truly an amazing woman. : )

– Samantha –

Dear Samantha,

Thank you for your amazing compliments and for sharing your thoughts!  By now you may have finished reading Switching Time.  Sometimes it takes me a few days to respond.  If you can, I’d love to hear your final thoughts.

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by Carlton, Jefferson City on 07 Aug 2009 at 9:30 pm

Hi Karen!

I picked up the book today. On the way home on the train I read the prologue and have to say I am looking forward to finishing the book tonight.  I don’t think I can put it down. But before I begin I wanted to let you know that I think you are brave for daring to reveal want happened to you.  I also believe Richard Baer was brave to treat you.  I know I won’t pre-judge the book before finishing it but want to know why you let your doctor write some not so nice comments coming from his thoughts about you early in treatment. Did he realize he would hurt your feelings?  How did you react reading that he didn’t think much of you?  I just read a few pages into the first chapter and his selfishness has me annoyed.  I respect his work but how does anyone who work with patients who thinks more of himself than his patient.  I know I didn’t finish reading yet.  Mere thoughts.

Dear Carlton,

Thank you for sharing your compliments, concerns, and thoughts before finishing reading our story.  I can understand your concern over why is was necessary for Dr. Baer to share his thoughts during the early days of our therapeutic relationship.  I believe, like all of us, we tend to develop feelings that need to be understood and worked through. Whether a therapist or patient, each person in the relationship has feelings and thoughts that are generated as the relationship develops.

I believe it’s normal for some therapists to become initially agitated or annoyed with a difficult patient, especially as with me, a patient who couldn’t share much because my inner pain was out of my awareness.  The therapist can’t help process all that a patient needs to share unless the patient actually talks and reveals herself.  Doctors aren’t mind readers.  And I believe my initial lack of sharing caused frustration for both of us.  It was also very overwhelming for me to talk with him.  Remember, I didn’t like Dr. Baer very much when I first met him, either.  I thought he was arrogant.  We both tolerated each other until we built rapport and trust.  As I look back now, despite his initial feelings, I realize he was trying to do his best.

Dr. Baer never shared his thoughts and feelings about me during therapy.  I didn’t know how he felt until the writing of the book.  By that time I understood more about myself and where he was coming from.  Of course, the first time I read his thoughts I felt a bit hurt, but that thought quickly left and I wound up laughing at all that I put him through.  I was definitely not the easiest patient to treat!  I’m not sure if I could tolerate someone like me.  I was horribly depressed, pessimistic, and had a never ending ton of woes.  I felt blessed when he agreed to treat me and gave me a next appointment.  Dr. Baer never once gave up on me.

Dr. Baer and I felt it was best to truthfully share the ups and downs of treating me, a patient with an incomprehensible illness–multiple personality disorder.  If we had not shared the truth, how would our story have helped those doctors who had similar feelings for their patients and for the patients who felt their doctor didn’t care?  The therapeutic relationship builds on trust, and takes a great deal of time and patience for both the doctor and patient to accomplish this.  Many years of give and take.  Treating me was hard work, often frustrating, but what a true miracle to overcome so many obstacles and be healed.

Please come back and share your thoughts after reading Switching Time. Thank you.

Karen

Comment by Prisca, Indonesia on 11 Aug 2009 at 7:38 am

Hello Karen…

how are you?

i have seen ur book tour, and i wonder if u want to come to indonesia.

its a pleasure if u and Dr. Baer want to come.

Have a good day.

Dear Prisca,

Thank you!  Dr. Baer and I would love to visit Indonesia on a book tour, but I believe that depends on the Indonesian publisher to invite us.  I love to travel!  Maybe, someday we will meet.  Never say never…

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by Ed on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:54 pm

Dear Karen,

I have an elderly friend that has dissociative personality disorder and would like to get a referral for a good psychiatrist or psychologist, as the one she used to see years ago has passed away. Do you know if Dr. Baer is able to take-on new patients outside Illinois? If not, do you (or he) have any recommendations for someone who could help her?

Thanks,

Ed

Dear Ed,

That is so nice of you to search for the best therapist for your elderly friend!  Thank you for caring.  I’m sorry that your friend’s trusted therapist passed away, however, it would be impossible to match that therapist with another.  I’m not sure if I could ever bring myself to see another therapist. Once trust has been established it’s hard to change and start over again, but that’s what your friend must do.  She must grieve and do her best and live on the lessons previously learned. My therapy lasted over eighteen years. I can’t imagine what I would’ve done if I lost Dr. Baer in the midst of my therapy. I would’ve been devastated.

I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion, there are good therapist’s everywhere, you just need to find one. You’ve mentioned your friend is elderly. Can she get around on her own, or does she need assistance to and from? These are questions that need to be discussed with your friend if you continue to help.  Regarding Dr. Baer, yes, he was an excellent psychiatrist, but he now works for Medicare and no longer treats patients.

Dr. Baer has not been in practice for a number of years, but when I’ve asked him about this for my friends, he says they should contact the local university department of psychiatry or the local state psychiatric association for a referral.  Actually, your private physician may be a good source of referral.

Wishing you and your friend all my best. I hope that your friend finds a sense of calm after loss, and continues on in the best way she can.

Karen

Comment by Julie on 02 Aug 2009 at 3:51 am

I’ve been depressed for some time now.  I can’t afford to see a therapist and my regular doctor has ignored my symptoms and let me down.  He thinks it’s temporary and will disappear once my situation improves.  I think he’s wrong.  It took me a lot of years to trust my doctor’s advice.  I feel alone and fear worse is coming.  Did you ever feel like me?  What did you do?  When I read you story it gave me hope not much hope but some.  At least enough to write you for advice.

Dear Julie,

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling depressed.  I understand those feelings well.  I’ve felt the same many times.  Maybe your family doctor is not hearing that you are truly depressed because he does not thoroughly understand what you are trying to share with him.  Sometimes primary care doctors are more focused on the physical symptoms than the emotional, yet emotional issues can cause so many physical symptoms.

There was a time when one of my doctors didn’t seem to understand me.  I believed he dismissed most of what I said because he knew I was depressed.  He hoped that by my next visit my symptoms would go away.  If they didn’t, he would start ordering tests.  Maybe a second opinion will help you?

I don’t believe your family doctor wants to ignore you or let you down.  If I were you, I would make a list and point out your concerns, and share more of what is happening to you.  Please don’t wait for your doctor to guess the problem.  That may never happen.  Doctors may be well educated, but they are human and can’t read thoughts.  A doctor may suspect a problem, but it’s not his job to say so.

Thank you for sharing your story.  I’m not a doctor and can’t give professional advice, but in my opinion, you should try to talk to your doctor again, but this time write your concerns down and be prepared.  I believe once your doctor sees that you’re making a serious effort, he will listen intently.  Perhaps if he is unable to help, he will refer you to someone with the professional skills that can help you.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Stella on 02 Aug 2009 at 2:27 pm

Hi Karen,

First of all I have to tell you I haven’t read the book yet, I am hesitant just now because I am living in a state of hypervigilence and am triggered by so many things, but especially reading or seeing accounts of abuse. So I avoid these things like the plague. Haven’t watched tv in about a year, it’s so bad right now.

I am 47 yrs old, I’ve been in therapy for over a year now and am officially diagnosed with CPTSD with dissociation, depression, anxiety and social phobia, but I have to tell you, the more I read the more I am convinced there’s more to it and that perhaps my therapist is just being cautious with me. It’s been a rough year, never thought that starting therapy for anxiety attacks, depression and social phobia would lead me down such an unfamiliar and previously unfathomable path.

My question to you is this: was there ever a time when you were in the thick of things in therapy, where you felt as though you no longer trusted that your therapist was dealing straight with you, or perhaps wasn’t doing everything necessary to keep that level of trust, and if so, how did you overcome this?

I so appreciate the strength and courage it took you to stay the course, I have an enormous amount of respect for anyone who faces that kind of darkness with determination to see the light again someday. I consider you a positive role model, someone to look to for that glimmer of hope that is so needed on this kind of journey!

God bless,

Stella

Dear Stella,

I appreciate you writing and sharing your story.  I understand how reading any book on abuse could set you off in a negative way.  As a matter of fact, during my therapy years I couldn’t read any books on my illness either.  I never even saw the movie Three Faces of Eve until after integration, and then only with Dr. Baer by my side.  I still haven’t made it through the movie Sybil nor have I finished the book.  Please don’t be so hard on yourself.  When you’re ready, and only then, will you be able to read stories on abuse.  I hope you’ll read mine.

There may be a way for you to learn more about Switching Time, and that is by simply reading the questions sent in and my answers on this blog.  That will give you a sense of knowing my story without too much detail.  I know it takes time to heal, and acknowledging what you’ve shared with me is an important step in moving forward.

Regarding therapy, yes, there were a few times when I felt confused and doubted that I could trust Dr. Baer.  That’s a normal part of the therapeutic relationship.  It takes time to build trust.  My trust for Dr. Baer took years of give and take before I was able to feel secure enough to begin to use that foundation of trust and move forward.  Trusting anyone is hard work after a lifetime of being hurt.  How did I deal with my moments of doubt?  Dr. Baer helped me and I would let go, and allowed myself a chance to experience something unfamiliar: faith.  I prayed for God to guide me, and I trusted my own instincts.

I believe your determination will help you see the light; you’re already well on your way.  I will keep in you in thought and prayer for a safe journey to wellness.

Thank you so much for all your compliments!  I wish you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Barbara on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:13 am

No question today. I am in awe of your work here on the blog as well as with Dr. Baer. You both deserve an award. Thank you. If ever a need to bring forth life to the hopeless you have accomplished that much and more. Thank you both for being such a positive role model in a society of depression caused by past abuse. No child needs to suffer. No adult should suffer from being hurt as a child. Awareness is the key to healing.

Dear Barbara,

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and compliments! You have made my day!

All my best wishes to you,

Karen