Comment by Larry on 10 Mar 2012 at 1:56 pm

Hi Karen! I want to thank you for telling your story and all the inspiration you post on facebook. I find myself utterly curious as to your current mind set and how you choose what and when to share. How does life flow for you? Do you contemplate all that you choose to do or are you more of a whatever comes your way kind of person? Whatever you are doing Keep it Up. Great getting to know you through your book and writing!

Dear Larry,

Thank you for your questions about my story. I share when I have a sense, a feeling, maybe because I’m empathic, and can tell when to share or not. I will share when the opportunity presents itself, but I do not dump my story on just anyone. I share when a feeling pushes me to share. I can’t explain this feeling any other way. Let’s just say I share when it feels right.

Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to share my testimony in church. It was a huge step for me to allow myself to share in front of those I attend Celebrate Recovery with. I was nervous at first, but I felt relieved when not one person judged me.

I am more of a “whatever comes my way” kind of person. I flow through life one day at a time without looking back. I don’t hold grudges and try to love people. I rarely anticipate tomorrow and live for each day without making plans. I’m adaptable, but I can commit to doing things if I desire.

Thank you for your compliments on the book and my writing. I’m currently working on a sequel. Dr. Baer and I truly appreciate hearing your kind thoughts.

Karen

Comment by Bill on 01 Mar 2012 at 12:10 pm

Hi Karen,

Now that you are healed what do you look for in a potential date. What kind of man do you find safe and datable? What do you look for in relationships?

Dear Bill,

Thank you for asking! For me, healing continues to be a lifetime journey. It’s my hope that one day, God willing, I will find a partner who will respect me for who I am, not judge me from my past, as a victim of abuse, but encourage my growth, strength, and new found feelings. I believe the best potential date will be someone who will compliment my life, not complicate it. I would be content to find someone who shares my faith.  My past multiplicity may concern a potential date, but there is no need for concern, for I do not switch into alternate personalities anymore. I was integrated in 1998 and have been one woman with a variety of interests since that time. I do not lose time and am fully aware of all that I do and experience. Life goes on… and I’ve just begun to live.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Phoebe on 29 Feb 2012 at 9:56 am

Dear Karen,

I am truly amazed by you. I often think of giving up. I am selfish and when things don’t go my way, I want to bow out. But after reading your book I feel horrible for ever thinking my life was worse than anyone else’s. I would like to thank you for telling your story and waking me up! I was a spoiled brat who has turned into a compassionate woman thanks to you. God bless you!

Dear Phoebe,

Thank you for your kind compliments! I can empathize with your feelings of giving up.  I still have those thoughts once in a while, like you, when things don’t go my way.  But then I step back from myself and ask, what is the lesson to learn when I don’t get what I want or desire. There’s always a lesson. If I do my best to be my best self, I know that eventually I will know why something did not go my way. Actually, for me, what helps is giving my thoughts to God, letting go, and letting God handle my sorrow.  It may appear odd that someone like me would turn to God for help, but I do. I always have had faith, even through dark times.  I always felt there had to be more.

Please don’t be so hard on yourself, we all have our own paths to take through bad times and chaos, selfishness and praise; eventually we all learn to be our best self.

Wishing you all my best as you learn more about your new compassionate self. Blessings to you, too!

Karen

Comment by Jay on 26 Feb 2012 at 5:01 pm

Karen,

I was arrested for child molestation twenty years ago and did my time. I served 7 years in prisin. Did my time. Spent 4 years on probation. Did my time. People are cruel and never let me live a normal life. I get dirty looks and no one wants to be my frend. If the police see me on the street they pull me over and ask what I am doing. What would you think if a past child molestor moves near you and you find out. I only abused 4 girls ages ten to thirteen. Three of those girls are maried with family,. One committed suicide. I tried to make frends with you on Face Book why not accept me?

Dear Jay,

I’m glad to hear that you served time for your crimes, but I personally don’t feel that you had learned the lessons you need to survive in the real world. You need to be monitored with an ankle alarm device. You are not well and I’m shocked that you were released from prison with the thoughts you shared with me. When you tried to justify your actions because “we are adults” I felt physically ill.

The reason I chose not to accept your friend request was because of the inappropriate content in the message you sent to me on Facebook. I felt insulted when you stated that children ask to be abused. You also referred to sexual abuse was a kind of intimacy, that you loved the young girls you raped, and that they felt good after the act and told you so. You said “ONLY 4 GIRLS” were abused. Not one girl is to be abused! Ever! You truly have a sick heart.

If you moved near me or anyone with children, I wouldn’t like it. I would make sure everyone in the neighborhood knew about you and watched you. I would like to see former abusers improve their lives with therapy, but I fear not all can change. In my personal opinion, based on your letter to me and this post, you are not healed nor show remorse for your actions. In my opinion, seven years of prison was not enough.

I encourage you to get help quickly and stay away from all children.

Karen

Comment by Patrick on 25 Feb 2012 at 3:50 pm

Dear Karen,

I’m finishing Switching Time, and I’d like to thank you for your courage in allowing it to be to be written. I want to know, maybe I’ll know by the end of the work, but was anyone except your father arrested for the terrible abuse you suffered? Sitting and reading, I am furious at these people and want them locked up, even if they’re 80 years old.

Dear Patrick,

Thank you for sharing your kind thoughts and compliments! I hope that in sharing my story it brings hope and healing to others.

Regarding those who were arrested for abusing me and other neighborhood children, yes, there were more than a few arrested, but sadly most were not charged due to their status in the neighborhood and the ties they had to those in public office. That’s one reason why it was difficult for me to share. Back then, adults were right and children were not. I was always told that my adult abusers would be let go, charges dropped, and in turn my abuse would be escalated once they were released. My abusers were ironically well respected in the community and I feared them. I felt unsafe and feared my abusers would kill me just as they threatened they would if I told.  I kept many secrets until I started therapy with Dr. Baer. That’s why I share my story, in hope that no child fears sharing like I did.  My abusers may have gotten away with what they did to me during my childhood, but they died without making amends and without peace. I have forgiven them and let go of that so that I could live. It’s not my job to judge.

Thank you for your questions; I empathize with how furious my abusers made you.  Thinking about it again infuriates me, too!

Karen

Comment by Sonya on 25 Feb 2012 at 3:00 pm

Hi Karen,

I can see that you don’t answer questions immediately so I will ask here and on Facebook. I know you share and don’t mind answering questions, but is it difficult to step back and answer questions about your past? How much is too much, and why does it take so long for your to respond?  Do people like us upset you?

Dear Sonya,

It’s true that my questions take a bit longer to post here, but that’s due to the volume and the time it takes to answer and post them. I don’t mind answering questions at all! I actually enjoy helping others. Back during the time I was in therapy I didn’t have a place to vent or ask questions, so it’s my desire to encourage hope in the best way I can through this blog, Facebook, and my email. I do my best to keep caught up, but sometimes life gets in the way. I don’t think about how much is too much… I just do it.

These days I have been taking a class, volunteering in many areas, and working on writing a sequel to Switching Time. But most of all, I’m enjoying living a life I once thought impossible.

Thank you for caring and for being patient about receiving an answer from me. I care and never get upset with anyone who writes me.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Ruby on 21 Feb 2012 at 10:27 pm

Hi Karen. I am reading the story now, (haven’t finished it yet so don’t spoil it-  & I just want to say I am deeply moved by your story. I am a recent graduate who graduated in psychology & I have always known that I have wanted to work with individuals that have gone through trials & tribulations & your story makes me want that even more. I am sure you are such an inspiration & I wish you the best of luck with everything. God bless!

Dear Ruby,

How nice of you to share your thoughts before finishing my story! I’m touched and hope that you share more thoughts when you’re finished. I admire your decision to work in the field of psychology.  Good therapists are most certainly needed!  I was fortunate to find the right therapist for me.  Dr. Baer is the best! I can’t imagine where I would be today without his care. I’m blessed.

Please know that working with patients like me can be both exhausting and inspiring. I know for sure Dr. Baer had a hard time, and at times was overwhelmed. But I thank God everyday that he never gave up on me. It was the best relationship I ever had and surely set me on the right path to move forward in my life. I’m glad you shared your thoughts and can tell your heart will be in your work, which in turn means you will have a rewarding career.

Thank you for your best wishes and blessings! I truly appreciate hearing them.

Karen

Comment by Bethgayle on 21 Feb 2012 at 1:48 pm

What happens to you when you feel down now? Are you cured? Are you still in therapy? If you are or need therapy again what would be your focus? Do you like yourself? Your book was awesome.

Bethgayle

Dear Bethgayle,

I admit, there have been moments when I felt down, but I try my best to acknowledge where my dark thoughts come from and then do something about those thoughts. If my down thoughts come from my past, I change my thoughts to my present.

Healing from any type of abuse is a life-long journey.  It’s important to stop for a moment and think of where your ill feelings are coming from. That defuses your pain and allows you to move forward.  “Cure” is a strong word that I never use. No, I’m not cured. There is no such thing as cured. It would be impossible for me to think I’m cured. I do my best to move forward and keep abuse free but truthfully…reality makes things difficult at times. For me, staying on the side of reality keeps me focused and well. If I should start to fall back and regress I would most certainly seek help. My focus would most likely be co-dependency and people pleasing.  At this time, I’m proud to say that I love who I am. I hope to always love myself and stay well. It’s also important for me to forgive myself.

Thank you for your kind compliment,

Karen

Comment by Emma on 20 Feb 2012 at 7:20 pm

hi thank you so much for being so brave and sharing your story. I also have DID I was diagnosed only a year ago after 8 years of misdiagnosis and really bad therapists and docters. Your story helped give me some hope for the future maybe one day I won’t be such a scrambled mess. Thank you.

Dear Emma,

You’re welcome! Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I’m glad to hear you’ve finally found the right therapist for you. I remember early in my therapy I was misdiagnosed too!  It’s hard for any doctor to diagnose multiplicity.  A good therapist will take his or her time and not jump to a diagnosis until all facts are laid out in front of them.  Only then can your therapist be sure, to the best of his or her ability, how to assess your problems.

Finding the right therapist will help you on the right path of healing, and remember, a good therapist will not tell you how to feel or what to do. That’s not the job of a therapist. A therapist simply guides you to help yourself.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey to wholeness.

Karen

Comment by Kieran on 20 Feb 2012 at 4:47 am

Hi Karen,

I live in Sweden and found this site after reading your book. I have relations in California and she sent me Switching Time to help me with my healing. At first I felt insulted but read it anyway. I am in AWE of you and let it be known your sharing here is just what I needed to seek help for myself. I had many confused thoughts and did not know what to do with them. I was ashamed to talk to a therapist and thought I would wait until I felt better first. What I thought would destroy me has now given me hope. Thank you. You have saved my life. If you can do it, so can I. Do you ever feel threatened by people who criticized you while you were healing? Is there a secret to your strength?

Good day!

Dear Kieran,

Thank you for sharing! I can see how you may have felt insulted having a friend gift you a book that may have triggered unpleasant feelings, but I’m glad you chose to read my story despite that. My story may be a harsh read at times, but it is also a story of inspiration and survival. I’m glad to hear that your confused thoughts settled down. That’s one of the reasons I chose to share my story–to help those who needed a clear understanding of what multiplicity is and give the hope that comes from healing. Early in my therapy, I felt ashamed and didn’t want to tell my therapist for fear of being judged.  But once we built rapport, trust followed, and I felt I could share without embarrassment. I waited a year or so too long and found that I was being naive to assume Dr. Baer couldn’t handle me. Then one day Dr. Baer said that there was nothing I could say that would change the way he thought of me. It was then I knew I could trust him and started to let go of my feelings of shame. It was at that time my healing truly started.

There is no secret to my strength other than to share with a trusted someone, let go of your pain of the past, and look towards your future while staying grounded in the moment. I no longer allow myself to feel intimidated by toxic or pessimistic people. I believe those who criticize me are the ones in need of help.

I’m glad to know you now have hope! Please keep in touch!

Wishing you all my best!

Karen