Comment by OB-GYN To Be on 29 Sep 2009 at 7:22 am

Hi Karen,

In the book you write about the experience of all going wrong during the c-section of your second child. What was your experience during the c-section of your first child? Why didn’t the alters surface at that time? What was the difference between both pregnancies and following sections? The way I see it both should of been something of a post traumatic syndrome leading your alters to regroup.

I am a med student, Obstetrics. I would like to understand how your pre-delivery experience caused such upset post delivery. Something went wrong, this I know but your story fascinates me into looking deeper into how the mind deciphers med team help and surgical procedures.

OB-GYN to-be

Philadelphia, PA

Dear OB-GYN, to-be,

Multiplicity is unpredictable. During my first pregnancy and delivery there was no trauma that re-activated my alters to come out to rescue me.  During my hospital stay after my first child’s birth, all was calm. The hospital was private; I had my own room and there were no students, interns, or residents coming in every five minutes. A few days later I was home and feeling great.

My daughter’s birth was chaos from the start. Different doctor and hospital. The night before my daughter’s birth I went to my appointment and told my doctor I was in labor. He didn’t believe me. He said he was going out of town and would see me next week. It was three and a half weeks before my due date and he wasn’t concerned; he assumed my pain was false labor.

By the next morning, I was definitely in labor.  I called my doctors office and was told to call back in two hours. I already knew I’d need a C-section, but I waited anyway. An hour later the office called me and said to go immediately to the emergency room. Once there I was whisked away to labor and delivery. Many doctors swarmed me; it was a teaching hospital. I believe that started my trauma. Four different doctors examined me, talked over me, and my doctor was nowhere in sight. The doctors, nurses, and others were all rushing around me, poking and prodding. I felt afraid, threatened, and abused.

The hospital was undergoing remodeling, there was construction in labor and delivery, and clear plastic heavy-gauge tarps adorned the halls and walls. It looked like a warehouse to me, like the one I was abused in, and that was another trigger. My paperwork never arrived at the hospital, no one new my history, and I never met the female doctor about to C-section me who was screaming orders to her residents. There was no sense of the calm I needed for a woman in distress and labor. I remember thinking I was in a nightmare and I thought I was about to die.

Once wheeled into the operating room, something started happening to me before I was given anesthesia. I started to not feel like myself. I now know that I switched. All of a sudden one leg was strapped down, then the other, my heart raced and before I was unconscious I felt the doctor make the first incision. I was still awake, the spinal had not taken, and the pain was torturous. I moved my leg. I guess if a person is given a spinal that should’ve been impossible. The doctor started screaming again. That’s when I went away. An alter took over at that moment, while all hell broke loose in the operating room. A mask was strapped on my face and I disappeared.

My alters lived for me for quite awhile before I sought help.  Maybe something in what I have shared will help you understand how important it is to keep the atmosphere pleasant and calm during delivery.  A multiple will switch whenever threatened. Too many people reaching and touching can also trigger alters to come forth.

Thank you for your interest in caring about how my mind, as a multiple, changed between two very different pregnancies and deliveries. I believe being strapped down before being anesthetized triggered my alter chaos. As a child I was strapped down more than a few times and my mind may have felt that abuse was at hand.

Good luck with your studies!

Karen

Comment by Carol Rose and Company on 29 Sep 2009 at 9:06 am

Dear Karen, Last night I wanted to kill myself because my alters wont let me sleep. My mind never ever shuts off. I want to ask you if when your alters were annoying your everyday life how you slept? I called my therapist, he gave me his personal cell number. By the time he returned my call I felt better because of reading your blog. I know my opinion may not be worth a dime but you had saved my life last night. I found strength through exhaustion from your writings. I told my shrink what I was doing and he said he read your book because of treating me and knew what I meant even if he didn’t read your blog. He said he will read it when he has time. He also said he was thankful for your effort to help patients like me. He also said he didn’t mind if I write you and ask questions. He said your therapist did amazing work with you and he hoped he could be as much help to me as Dr. Baer was to you. Thank you Karen.

Dear Carol Rose and Company,

Thank you for not ending your life! I am so glad to hear that you changed your mind. I understand how fragile you must be feeling at this time. The exhaustion caused from lack of sleep from alter chaos and activity will wear one down. I’ve been there, too! I don’t usually recommend medication because I hated taking meds myself but your therapist may be able to prescribe something to help you relax enough to fall asleep. Dr. Baer gave me a prescription for a low dose of Xanax, which took the edge off. I kept them for those hard nights, but rarely if ever needed them. I’ve found reading put me to sleep just as well, too!

Just like you, my thoughts never stopped. I swear, every second of each day was filled with thoughts. For me, as time passed in therapy, my constant thoughts lessened, but they never disappeared, just became more tolerable. Distraction was the key for me. Reading, music, television, anything to change my pattern of thought was welcomed.

I am glad to hear that reading my blog has helped you calm down. That’s important to me. I am also glad that you share my blog with your therapist. That tells me you are trying your best to understand your illness and all that you are experiencing. By sharing with your therapist, he can understand where you are coming from and will be better able to help you heal.

Thank you for such wonderful compliments. I believe you have found the right therapist to accompany you on your journey.  Just by what you have shared, I believe your therapist is working right beside you. That’s just the way Dr. Baer and I worked together to heal me. Teamwork at it’s best!

Karen

Comment by M on 28 Sep 2009 at 3:15 am

I switch often, sometimes up to 3 times a day, but I don’t have memory loss, usually I can still see what the others have done, its just my perspective changes.

I live huddled in my room most days in terror.

My children and I are very poor

Is this punishment from God?

Dear M,

Please don’t believe that being a multiple is punishment from God! Multiplicity is a God sent coping mechanism to help one survive traumatic events. Have faith. Trust that God wouldn’t hurt you and is always with you. Although God can’t prevent pain, take it away, or change the reality of your life, He can comfort you if you have faith and believe.

I believe that switching happens for a reason. By switching, your inner system is trying to escape from something in your present life. Maybe stress due to what you have mentioned has led your alters to try to take your pain away. Remember, alters are created to help one survive.  I would switch when reality became more than I could handle. And I would switch sometimes up to ten times in a day, depending what stresses I was unable to deal with. As time passed, with therapeutic help, my switching came less often. As I developed new ways to cope with my immediate problems, my alters felt the need to rescue me less and less.

I’m sorry that you are living huddled in your room in terror! I’ve felt that way at times, too. What helped me during those dark times was to force myself to break away from feeling trapped. I know it’s hard to do, but getting out, changing a routine, simply calling a friend, or watching a funny movie would help break my terrorized thoughts. Nights were always a problem for me. Reading a book until exhaustion took over would help me sleep, and listening to soothing music helped distract my dark thoughts from taking over my good thoughts.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey.

Karen

Comment by Jules on 27 Sep 2009 at 1:35 pm

I thought hey, email will get to Karen ! Yay! So VOILA! Here I am Well my thoughts are here. *tink* *tink* *tink* Yup… the monitor is there.

I’ve been praying for you as often as I think of you which is about once a day. Usually when I’m at the computer thinking of clever, useful things to say. I imagine you at the Center, taking calls, handling pretzel shortages and listening in that oh so helpful way that you do. I see you on facebook, your picture is peaceful. That’s the outsdie image you have. And it’s a truthful one because there is a part of you that is organized and very competent at what you do.

Then there’s the place where you and I connect. Karen, I admire you so much. I know how much and how many people rely on you; the answers for the blog, the peacekeeping you do in your family and the effort to get out of bed when the headaches are strong.

There are people who do amazingly great things with little or no support. They do them faithfully for years. They even do it without commendation or much thanks. Eventually, if the community, family or friends don’t help this person, the ability to give diminishes. It’s well documented in care giving situations. Karen, I don’t want you to feel overstretched, unappreciated or used. You are an inspiration to me. I love your spirit!

Thanks again for the book!

Dear Jules,

Thank you so much for all of your kind thoughts and words. I am touched to hear that I have been an important part of your life. I truly appreciate your concern over my well-being; that means a lot to me! I will continue to try my best to take care of myself as I bring hope to others. Answering questions and doing all that I can to help gives me purpose. Most of all, I believe we all can change the world, one act of kindness at a time. And yes, I am in a care-giving position, here on my blog and at work, but that’s what I love to do. I believe I was meant to share my story. I am also very aware that my spirit, just like each of ours, needs to be nurtured time and again. I am just one woman trying to live in hope of a better tomorrow.

I have faith and even during my dark moments believe I am here for a reason. I understand what you have shared regarding giving too much and not receiving back. I’ve been there quite often. I admit, there are times when I’ve given too much and am left feeling hurt. But I have learned many valuable lessons along the way. Each day I learn something new about myself.

Thank you for your heartfelt advice, gentle reminders, and for caring. I will try my best not to allow myself to be taken advantage of.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Marlon on 27 Sep 2009 at 11:30 am

If a movie was to be made of your story who would you personally like to see play Richard Baer and you? I think your book is movie material more than Sybil was. More than Three Faces of Eve and more than the new remake of Sybil. Why did they remake Sybil when your story was better? Why is ST not a series instead of USoT? That show is interesting but yours is more.

I am in film and one day after I make it big I’m going to call your Richard Baer and produce it. Dream Big! ST is worth it!

Marlon, New York

Dear Marlon,

Thank you for all your compliments! You pose some very interesting questions. I appreciate you believing a movie should be made. I’m not sure who should play us? There are many fine actors who could play Dr. Baer, but I think it’s harder to find an actress to play me. Since Dr. Baer was in his thirties and early forties while treating me, and I was in my mid twenties to late thirties, I would assume the actor or actress would need to play us at those ages.

If I were to choose someone to play Dr. Baer, I would choose someone who would appear stern with comforting dreamy eyes. An actor who could appear emotionless and at the same time calm spirited. Dr. Baer is not very out-going and tends to keep to himself. When he talks, he usually doesn’t look directly at you, yet during therapy his eyes would penetrate right through me with an aura of empathy, sympathy, and understanding.

I have no idea who I would pick to play me, but when I asked my friends they said Kate Winslet, Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie, or Drew Barrymore. When I asked them who could play Dr. Baer, my friends said Matt Damon or Eric Dane.

I have no idea why a re-make was made of Sybil.  Why wasn’t Switching Time chosen to be a series? I don’t know. Maybe USoT was already in process before our book was published. Whatever the reason, it was out of our control. If we were presented with an offer, most likely we would’ve been excited and felt we were a part of something wonderful.

Thank you so much for being enthusiastic and wanting to produce our story! That is very touching and admirable.

Karen