Comment by Martina on 05 Jan 2010 at 1:36 pm

Hi Karen! Happy new year! Hope you’re having good holidays. I read your story…don’t know what to say about what happened to you!!! I think you’re the strongest woman on this Earth! Actually…your story is really interesting. Sorry, don’t misunderstand me, I study Psychology, so…I see your case from a student’s point of view. You know, I’m going to do my degree thesis about this argument…and, given that you and Dr Baer are a piece of story I’ll probably mention your book. I mean, you had 17 personalities and now you’re completely reintegrated!

Hope you don’t get offended for my enthusiasm…I do really respect you!

Well…good evening! (Here in Italy it’s 7:30..by the way…sorry for my grammatical mistakes)

Best wishes! You’re great!

Martina

Dear Martina,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I truly appreciate hearing all points of view, especially from a student. Hope your studies are going well! I would love to read your thesis on the debate regarding multiple personality disorder, now renamed dissociative identity disorder. One of many reasons I shared my story was to bring truth about an incomprehensible illness. There have not been many true stories on the subject. Unfortunately, there may always continue to be debates. Why? Because the illness is hard to believe, often mis-diagnosed, and can often be made-up by those seeking attention. I believe multiplicity is a God sent, highly sophisticated coping mechanism. Without my mind creating alters, I would not have survived all the trauma I endured. I feel fortunate to have survived to share my story.

Please know that it touches me to know that you are willing to learn more and include me and Dr. Baer in your writing. And don’t worry, I didn’t pick up any grammatical mistakes…I heard you loud and clear!

If you need any help, please write to me. I’ll do my best to answer your questions. You can also find me on Facebook.

Wishing you lots of luck!

Karen

Comment by Taylor s on 04 Jan 2010 at 3:11 pm

Are you afraid your alters will come back?

Dear Taylor,

No, I’m not afraid of my alters coming back. I admit, since my alters integrated, there were times I wished a few of them would come back, but that never happened. My integration was a success and I am dealing with reality on my own, as one woman, the best way I can. My integration merged all seventeen alters into me. All of my alters are a part of my every day life, just not in their old individual forms. Each alter was one fragmented part of me, and now I am one woman with a variety of interests. Besides, there is no reason for my alters to come back. I am no longer an abused child. I am an adult now and have gained the knowledge I needed to help myself.

Thank you for your question.

Karen

Comment by Chloe on 04 Jan 2010 at 10:00 am

Hi Karen,

Picked up your book before classes started and read it. OMG  What a powerful story! Thank you for your bravery in sharing it. It must’ve been difficult to do. How did you react when you read your therapist’s remarks and sarcasm? I would’ve been hurt. You are very brave for allowing so much to be written. But if it helps, do know that I learned so much from you. You are great!

Chloe

Dear Chloe,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns over how well I handled hearing some of Dr. Baer’s doubts and sarcasm. Truthfully, I didn’t handle it well at first. I felt hurt. But I knew that in order for our story to be told, both Dr. Baer and I needed to share our honest thoughts and feelings. I believe we both had a difficult time initially building trust with each other. I admit the initial impact of our story blew me away. And if I had ever thought for a moment that Dr. Baer continued to feel the way he initially did, I would’ve ended my therapeutic relationship with him immediately.

I’m glad Dr. Baer never shared his initial negative thoughts with me. During therapy, Dr. Baer never stressed me, always appeared calm, cared for me unconditionally, and never once gave me reason to think that he didn’t believe in me. I would’ve perceived deceit. Dr. Baer was good at putting aside whatever ill feelings he may have had at times in order to treat me. Maybe that’s the requirement of a good therapist? Maybe that’s why our journey to heal me succeeded?

I’m glad to hear that my story has helped you come to a better understanding of multiplicity. That’s means a lot to both Dr. Baer and me.

Thank you for believing I am brave and for your kind compliments.

Karen

Comment by Dani on 03 Jan 2010 at 10:02 pm

Karen,

Could you ask Dr. Richard Baer a question for me? Do you ever talk with him? I am having re-occurring nightmares about one particular rape attack. I was raped more than once by the same relative and one time it was more terrible than the other times. I didn’t report my rape but with too much bleeding had to be hospitalized with a torn female organ. I was asked what happened but was too afraid to tell the ER doctor I was raped with an object. I was treated, given blood and released two days later but worry that I am no longer able to have children. I read your story and you were able to conceive so maybe I will to. I am ashamed. The first time he raped me I was 13, then repeatedly until 16. I didn’t see him for 3 years and then he found out I was a student at a college two hours from home. He came to visit and during that visit pushed me down and raped me. I feel so ill. Can you ask Dr. Richard Baer if I am damaged for life? Thank you. I wish to be strong like you. WWYD Karen?

Dani

Michigan

Dear Dani,

I’m sorry that you are suffering at this time. I asked Dr. Baer your question, but first I will share my experiences from what I have learned from Dr. Baer during my many years in therapy.

Recalling past abuse can be devastating, but being re-visited by a past abuser is horrific. It is not too late to report your abuser to authorities. Since the same relative has recently raped you, it is something that should be immediately reported to the authorities. Abuse is abuse. Rape is rape. He will rape again and again. Your abuser is already a repeat offender. Men who have these thoughts and act on them need professional help, while incarcerated! They can’t heal themselves. In my opinion, based of my own personal experience, for I am not a qualified therapist, your relative belongs in prison.

I am disappointed in and surprised that the hospital emergency room you were admitted to didn’t check further into your injuries. Most ER physicians can tell the difference between someone who has been traumatized by rape and the excuses the victim may say out of fear and embarrassment. Please don’t take the blame. You were the victim. There is nothing to be ashamed of, though that’s easy for me to say now. Just like you, for a long time I kept quiet and didn’t reveal much. I regret that now.

During my therapy with Dr. Baer, I too, felt that I was damaged for life after the sexual abuse I suffered. But by the time I started therapy, I’d already conceived and gave birth to two beautiful healthy children. Dr. Baer explained that even after all the abuse, the vagina has a remarkable capacity to repair itself. The female body is designed to withstand the trauma of giving birth. I suspect you will have no problems having children of your own despite the abuse you’ve suffered, but you should get checked out by a gynecologist so that you can be reassured of this.  Dr. Baer urged me get checked out and I’m glad I did.

You asked me what I would do if I were you? I would report this relative to the police before he hurts you again or someone else.  Dr. Baer agrees, and said you should report this as soon as possible.

Karen

Comment by Kathleen on 01 Jan 2010 at 8:44 am

Hey Karen? Where are you? A wish from amazing me to amazing you!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May God smile upon you this wonderful NEW day!

The end of a bad decade has passed. Here’s to a great NEW decade beginning! Miss you!

Kathleen

Dear Kathleen,

I’m here! Happy New Year to you, too!

I agree this has been a very traumatic decade for so many. War, tsunamis, world chaos, much heartache and grief, but we will survive with faith. It’s hard to imagine all that we as a nation have endured during the last ten years. And it’s also difficult for me to imagine how far I’ve come during that same period. My son served as a Marine in Iraq. I believe we need to look forward and not carry the pain of the past decade. Let’s focus on the good, successful moments and how we all gained a better understanding of who we are.

I am hoping for peace in the next decade myself.

God Bless You! Wishing you much happiness in the new year!

Karen

Comment by Renee on 31 Dec 2009 at 1:06 pm

Dear Karen,

Happy New Year! Great getting to know you here on your blog. Peace, Love, Hope, and Prosperity to you as you continue on to another year. You provide help where help is needed. You are a gift. Never forget how much we people who write you care. I speak for more people like myself.

Love continues on. Healing is possible. You are an important needed piece. Your story helped me deal with reality. Your story gave me hope. Thank you again and again and again.

Renee, (Nay Nay)

Dear Renee,

Happy New Year to you, too! Thank you for all your well wishes for peace, love, hope and prosperity. Your kind and thoughtful compliments have touched me! Thank you for bringing a smile to my face by allowing me to feel what I do is helpful to others. I’m glad to know that the people who write to me care for me. I care about each and every one of you, too!

Thank you for believing in me.

Karen

Comment by Lisette on 31 Dec 2009 at 11:42 am

Happy New Year to you and your family Karen! many blessings, too! Thank you for being who you are and helping you know who how to you know what, survive. Last year this time I promised to end my life this year. 2010 is upon me today and I don’t want to die. I found strength. I no longer feel alone. Thank you.

Lisette

Ohio

Dear Lisette,

You are very welcome! Thank you for your blessings and kind thoughts! They mean the world to me.

I’m so glad to hear that you didn’t end your life. I’ve made those kinds of promises to myself, too, and I’m glad I didn’t keep my word. Sometimes when the world doesn’t seem to be as it should, those of us who suffer can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. It was easy for me to want to end my life and give up rather than exhaust myself by healing and learning how to live with dignity after abuse.

I’m glad you changed your mind. I’m glad to hear you’ve found strength. And I am glad you no longer feel alone and have shared with me.

Wishing you all my best as you heal on your own journey to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Blu Willow on 30 Dec 2009 at 5:53 pm

Karen, Hi! Are you on vacation? Checking because at this time of year I know that people like us tend to crawl into a hole of depression. We have been abused and most likely during the holidays when beer and cheer tend to create assholes in the men to take advantage of children under God. I am praying for you Karen, please be well, people need to hear from you.

Happy New Year to you and Richard!

Blu Willow in Wyoming

Dear Blu Willow,

No, I’m not on vacation and yes, I thoroughly understand how this time of year can bring out dark thoughts and depression for those of us who have suffered from past abuse. The holidays can be quite difficult when memories of family events and hurtful times sometime trigger sadness.

I understand your comments regarding beer and cheer. Child abusers and predators play out abusive acts with aggression under the influence of alcohol. I, too, was abused during the holidays and empathize with such triggers.  I continue to deal with a few dark thoughts within myself. What I do is try my best to push them back into my past, where they belong, and not allow those dark thoughts to control my present or future. It’s difficult to do, but definitely possible.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers!

Happy New Year to you, too! I will send Dr. Baer your Happy New Year wish.

Karen

Here’s your answer to Kenneth on 27 Dec 2009 at 12:08 pm

Dear Karen,

Book was great! What an amazing work for you and Richard Baer to accomplish writing together. I love you guys. One question: In all the years of therapy and talking about what happened to you and finding your abuse out how did you know the difference between real and imaginary whilst trying to stay sane and work and live in reality?

Kenneth

Dear Kenneth,

Thank you for your compliments! Dr. Baer and I appreciate each one.

Regarding your question between imaginary and reality. Dr. Baer had always taught me to stay on the side of reality. I did not allow myself to imagine my past. It was there inside me waiting to be revealed. I stated the facts from memory and my therapy moved at a slow and steady pace based on that reality. There is no reason for make believe when healing oneself. If left to my imagination, I most certainly could not have healed. I would’ve pretended nothing ever happened to me, and that I was fine and happy. How would that have helped me? It wouldn’t have. Believe me, I could’ve thought of better ways to live, spend my money, and get attention.

Being honest and acknowledging my past was absolutely necessary to move forward. Imagination and lies keep one stuck in chaos. There is only one story based on the truth of my experience. I chose to carefully keep my therapy private, between me and Dr. Baer, and we developed a respectful therapeutic relationship based on trust. There was no reason to bring my horrific past into my workplace. The grueling details of my abuse were kept behind closed doors in the safety of Dr. Baer’s office. My alter’s eventually conformed to the therapeutic routine and we healed.

To survive, I needed to maintain a balance that was right for me. I believe Dr. Baer and I worked well together. We made a great team!

Thank you for your question.

Karen

Comment by Tony on 24 Dec 2009 at 10:46 am

Dear Karen,

When your alter Julie couldn’t walk because of painful memories did you ever experience not being able to move your legs after integration? I mean she was a part so if you stuck then wouldnt you sometimes feel paralyzed nowadays? And what about headaches? They were once so dibilitating. Did you ever check if you had a brain tumor? do you think your multiple personality disorder came from the brain tumor? Could your brain tumor have distorted reality and make you think you were being abused but really just ill and hosptialized? I am a psych student and curious as all hell about the physical and medical attributes to your illness.

Bought three books for holiday gifts before I saw you were selling them here. Too bad you didn’t have your sign up last month at Thanksgiving. I finished all my shopping back first of December. I bought paperback copies. Cool ink blot design. What does it mean to your doctor, Dr. Baer?

Tony

Dear Tony,

I believe I suffered a few weeks of minor leg problems when my alter Julie first integrated. I was never left paralyzed during those few weeks but there was a definite adjustment period. After that, all symptoms disappeared. Julie was a small part of me, and once integrated, she eventually merged with all my alters. When a small part was blended with the others, most problems came to a halt.

Headaches. Sometimes when overwhelmed and stressed I will suffer a tension headache. I continue to be headache free most days. That was one positive aspect to integration. I have had more than a few CT scans to eliminate a brain tumor. All was clear and no problems were found. Therefore, my multiplicity did not come from a brain tumor. I did suffer from one tumor and was operated on as a young child. But the tumor I had was removed before the age of two could not be the reason for multiplicity.

Thank you for purchasing Switching Time and giving our book as a gift to others. That’s very thoughtful of you. I’m not sure what the ink blot design means to Dr. Baer, but to me it means whatever your imagination makes it out to be.

Thank you for your questions; they were very thought provoking.

Karen