Comment by Kevin on 25 Oct 2011 at 2:15 am

Did Dr. Baer give barbiturate injections in your treatment during hypnosis? Did you ever receive electric shock treatments? If so, how is it possible to recover as well as you did? If not, I am thoroughly impressed and need to know what miracle sustained you?

Kevin

Utah

Dear Kevin,

No, Dr. Baer did not inject me with barbiturates during his treatment of me. Not once, not ever. My therapy was a success due to talk therapy, not drug therapy.  In my opinion, based on my personal experience, there is no one particular medication that was able to help me with multiplicity. Through trial and error, Dr. Baer quickly realized that although helpful for anxiety, most medications left me lethargic, unable to communicate, and had little helpful effect.

During the beginning years of my therapy, Dr. Baer, thinking I was simply severely depressed, tried different drugs to ease my pain. With my not so compliant alters, I did not take what he prescribed. My inconsistent medication usage could not be monitored correctly. My alters had different reactions to the medications and quickly stopped all. There was a time when I refused to take blood tests so that Dr. Baer wouldn’t see that the drug he prescribed was not in my system.

I never received electric shock treatments. I highly doubt electric shock treatment would have been a benefit to me or my alters. I believe if Dr. Baer encouraged such treatment, I would’ve walked away.

You asked about what miracle sustained me? No miracle, just simple compassion, unconditional care, and a therapeutic relationship built on respect and trust.  In other words, I healed because Dr. Baer and I built rapport and teamwork; Dr. Baer, my alters, and me.

Thank you for your challenging questions.

Karen

Comment by Olivia on 23 Oct 2011 at 3:36 pm

Dear Karen,

Switching Time is surely the most fascinating book I ever read.

Half the time I was crying because of all the suffering you had to take. The other half i was stunned and fascinated by which mechanisms our brain manages to protect our soul and with this keeps it alive.

Having suffered a partly abusive childhood myself I’m still struggling to leave the past behind and to forgive.

Your strength and courage are a big inspiration to me.

Thank you for sharing your story and god bless you!

With all the best wishes from Spain,

Olivia from Spain

Dear Olivia,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I am sorry to hear you cried but glad to hear you could empathize with my story and healing. I believe multiplicity is a God sent coping mechanism. I believe that God couldn’t prevent all that happened to me but was able to provide me with an amazing way of keeping the trauma and abuse fragmented until I was able to deal with it as an adult.

I’m sorry you suffered an abusive childhood yourself. It’s never fair or the fault of a child. Though it most certainly is difficult to leave one’s past behind and move forward, I found it necessary in order to heal. I’d rather forget my past but I admit triggers may come and go. What’s most important to me these days is whenever a trigger drags me back to a dark thought or hurtful past I acknowledge it, deal with it by putting it back where it belongs. I try my best not to allow my past to affect my present and not to allow past pain into my future. For me, forgiveness is a must. If I dwell on the abuse that happened to me then my abusers have won. I no longer wish to be a prisoner of my own life. I chose to live.

I hope my answers help bring understanding.

God bless you,

Karen

Comment by Bruce on 22 Oct 2011 at 2:02 pm

Karen,

I am just finishing reading Switching Time, and I can’t tell you how much of an impression it has made on me. There are many questions I would like to ask, but one is at the top of my list. What do you think your alters really were? Do you think they were really just your subconscious, “pretending” to be other people to help you deal with the horrible abuse you sustained? Or do you think they were real, self-aware individuals whose consciousnesses were independent of yours, even though you shared the same organic body? I’m not sure how to say this without it sounding hurtful, which is not at all what I intend, but after reading the book, I can’t help but feel that they may have been separate individuals, comparable to the original “you,” but who developed in your body after the first “you” did. And, the process of integration really amounted to convincing them to allow their self-awarenesses to be terminated, for them to basically die. Anyway, I would really like to know your thoughts on this. I didn’t see it discussed anywhere in the book.

By the way, a little about me. I do not suffer from MPD. However, starting at about age 11, I had fairly severe panic attacks, frequently many times a day. I believe they may have been the result of a degree of emotional abuse that I suffered when younger. They largely went away in my 20’s and I rarely have them anymore, though I know that I am still a very anxious and insecure person.

Thank you.

Dear Bruce,

Thank you for your insightful questions!  I’ll do my best to answer them. Though it’s always been a mystery to me how my alters worked together to help me through a very traumatic childhood. I’m not sure how it all started, but I believe that from early on something in my mind must have started the process of dissociating the pain I suffered from not only abusive episodes but from being ill and hospitalized, suffering from a brain tumor. I spent much of the first two years of my life in a hospital, once for six months straight. I was told I would die before I reached my teens. I believe I became a victim because my abusers assumed I would die early and not recall anything that happened to me.

That said, with regards to your questions, I believe my alters were all separate selves but not completely whole selves. During a switch, I was an alter and thought of that alter as a different person, not a part. Though realistically we shared the same body, my mind did not perceive that. I never looked in a mirror because when I did, I never saw my original self and that would frighten me into thinking I was crazy. I did not allow mirrors anywhere in the house except the bathrooms. My alters developed after the original me was born, but as each episode of abuse happened, an new alter was either created or that experience was added to an existing alter.  I don’t know if my alters were created by my subconscious, but I know that my alters were not made up as if they were imaginary friends. I did not pretend to be someone else. My alters didn’t die, they merged into me; my alters are me and I am them. Integration merged all of us into one.

Thank you for sharing about yourself. Though I’m not a therapist and can’t give advice, I can empathize with your anxiety and feeling of insecurity. In my opinion there may be something buried deep within you that hasn’t yet surfaced. Perhaps you should talk to someone?

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Linda on 21 Oct 2011 at 8:05 pm

Hi Karen,

I just finished reading your book (and having an epiphany as a result, thank you!) and wanted to comment on your thoughts about hugs. I have been on a similar journey, discovering along the way two or three repressed persons who ultimately integrated (although I can still converse with the girls if I need to). My first therapist (15 years) was a “no-touch” psychiatrist, but while never being touched caused me pain, it did not protect my boundaries; she ended up terminating me with no explanation after acting like an old intimate friend at a community meeting! Years before that, I had figured out I was molested by my mother, and told and wrote her the details about it, but she was so hooked on her own idea of me, she denied the molestation: “Mothers don’t do that!” she said. So it’s a good thing she dumped me because otherwise I’d still probably be writing her worshipful letters.

My second therapist (whom I was also with for about 15 years) is a woman with boundaries of steel. Part of her therapy was “reparenting”, giving me a way to imagine and really experience being loved. Part of that therapy was appropriate hugs, and there were times when she held me in her lap and I cried on her shoulder. This was on my request because I felt safe with her. This experience felt really great, but it also helped me realize that it would not fill the holes I had from childhood. Those potholes are still there, but they’ve been thoroughly explored. In some cases, I’ve paved them over, and in other cases I avoid the streets that contain them!

So I agree with your wish for an appropriate hug. Lack of hugs doesn’t guarantee good boundaries, and the presence of hugs doesn’t have to work against good boundaries IF the therapist is truly whole and integrated herself (or himself), and IF the therapist is comfortable with using that as a healing modality.

I have written a memoir (based on 17 volumes of single-space typed journals) and revised it ad nauseum. I think your book will give me a way to finally make the last chapter work. You are fortunate to find publication — I haven’t managed that yet! It seems no one wants to read about molesting mothers!

Best of luck in the future. From reading about you in the book, I think you are a brave and amazingly resourceful woman with many talents.

Linda

Dear Linda,

I admit, finding a good therapist can be difficult. I truly lucked out in finding Dr. Baer. Though I didn’t know him before the day I set foot in his office.  I found there was something in him my alters felt at ease with and could build trust. For us, hugging was not an option; Dr. Baer clearly set that boundary early on and never gave in to my never ending need for a hug. Of course, I felt hurt time and again, but Dr. Baer always had a way of reassuring me that he cared and a hug wasn’t needed to prove it. After integration I continued to long for a hug. I assumed a hug was the necessary connection of feeling “I am accepted and worth it.” I never received that long desired hug until my therapy ended. Of course, a hug does not change or guarantee good boundaries, but it sure felt good to me when I finally did receive one.

I have developed a close bond with Dr. Baer during my eighteen years of therapy and this bond continues on. Maybe with my being a woman and Dr. Baer a man there was a conflict when it came to hugging. I don’t know. I can’t imagine how my life would be if I received physical comforting during therapy. But I believe that if Dr. Baer had hugged me early in therapy, I may have been confused, felt abused, run out the door and stopped therapy with him. Dr. Baer must’ve known this. I’m glad my therapy provided me with discipline and boundaries set by Dr. Baer. I was a mess and honestly didn’t know what was best for me. I believe Dr. Baer did his best to treat me in the safety of therapy while gaining knowledge about the rare the circumstance of my multiplicity.

Thank you for sharing your story. I would love to read your book when it’s published! It takes time and many rejections before someone sees the value of stories like ours. Never give up hope! Have faith!

Karen

Comment by Carmen Anna on 20 Oct 2011 at 5:35 pm

Dear Karen,

I finished reading Switching Time a week ago and can’t stop thinking about you. I mean I am not obsessed or want to stalk you. I admire you a lot and wish to get to know you more. You see I was abused a lot as a child and think I dissociated my abuse until now. I am twenty eight and your story proves that I am not a mpd woman but definitely have dissociative issues. I dont lose time but I do forget a lot. Do you think I should find help or live my life with regret? I know it takes awhile to receive your answer but I have all the time in the world. I have patience to. I will try to find you on facebook. Will you befriend me or reject me? Good luck in your future.

Dear Carmen Anna,

I’m inspired by your answering your own question. You asked “Do you think I should find help or live my life with regret?”  Clearly you believe that it’s in your best interest to seek help! I once thought I had all the time in the world, too, but believe me, if you are feeling life is draining, than you are not living your life as your best self. Patience is a blessing, but not patience when it comes to what you need to help yourself, time is precious. Forgetfulness at times may simply mean you are trying not to focus on what troubles you. It’s always best to seek help with a qualified therapist before your emotions get the best of you.

Yes, I’m on Facebook, as Karen Overhill, and will befriend you! Thank you for asking!

Thank you for your well wishes!

Karen

Comment by Just Me on 15 Oct 2011 at 1:28 pm

i went thru similar things. I do not have DID that I know of. I feel that I must be lying to myself

Dear Just Me,

Just because you may have gone through similar things as I have, it doesn’t mean you’re lying to yourself.  I’m not a therapist and can’t give out advice, and I don’t know whether you have DID or not, but I believe what’s most important is for you to seek help from a qualified professional therapist who can help you understand why you feel the way you do. There’s no shame in seeking help. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. If you’re feeling low, have dark thoughts, or simply need to talk to someone about your life struggles, there is help for you. The most important step is your first step.

Wishing you all my best as you find your best path to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Pearl on 14 Oct 2011 at 10:53 am

Hi Karen! Finished reading your story and my God! How can one person go through so so many storms and come out kind and compassionate? What’s your secret? I would love to read more about you. Are you and Richard Baer writing another book together? Please do!

Hugs and Kisses.

Pearl

Dear Pearl,

Thank you for recognizing me in such a good way. I can’t imagine treating anyone as I don’t wish to be treated. I believe in giving and sharing one act of kindness at a time. I admit there have been a few bad moments, but not bad enough for me to lash out at anyone. I believe we all carry hurts and no one knows what the other is feeling. I don’t judge and pray no one else does. For me, staying calm brings peace of mind. I have a hard time with toxic people, but empathize with them, for I know they must be hurting to treat others with disrespect.

We are in the beginning phases of writing a sequel to Switching Time. I’m excited about this new project because it will share the ups and downs of my life as a mom, and after therapy ended.  What happened after is as much a powerful journey as before my integration. As always my goal is to help others understand what it is like to be me, after integration, as one woman with a variety of interests. My integration was over ten years ago and not once has an alter resurfaced, not once was a new alter created.

Thank you for your question, and for encouraging Dr. Baer and me to write another book.

Karen

Comment by Logan on 13 Oct 2011 at 9:56 am

Karen. I am amazed at your survival instinct and believe you hold many answers to life’s ups and downs. Keep on encouraging us here and on facebook. I bought your book in England during vacation and spent an entire day absorbed in what I consider the grandest of survival stories. God surely keeps a close watch on you. I believe. Thank you!

God bless you.

Logan

Dear Logan,

Thank you!  I wish I had the answers to life’s ups and downs. What I do know for sure is that I have good instincts when I listen to myself. I love hearing stories of how Switching Time, or in England, A Life in Pieces, finds its way into people’s lives. I believe there is a reason for everything. I do know God has never once left my side and I feel blessed. Have faith and healing will follow.

God bless you,

Karen