Comment by Joanie on 03 Jan 2012 at 3:50 am

Hello Karen

I bought your book as something to read over the Christmas holidays as DID is something that I find fascinating. Having since finished your story and read through your blog archives, I have some questions, if you don’t mind:

1) Whilst it has no doubt been invaluable to you to have Dr Baer help you the way he has, has he ever spoken with you about the influence your therapy had on his marriage? Reading between the lines in the book, I take it his wife was unappreciative of the attention you required.

2) I consider it vital to acknowledge our past, in order to prevent repeating history, however at some point one has to move on. Do you find that this blog and our requests for answers to our questions has you constantly revisiting a time in your life that perhaps you’d like to just put behind you? How are you moving forward? Do you have a career, hobbies, friends, etc outside the scope of your time with DID that allows you to firmly focus on the here and now?

3) When you write about Dr Baer, you always say “respectful friendship”, which in my mind sounds strange. I would suggest most friendships are by default respectful. Is there some value that you put on that term that you feel it is important to get across to us, your admiring, curious supporters?

4) Finally, for something random and light-hearted – what is your favourite movie and song?

Many thanks Karen, for your time reading my submission to you. I truly wish you the best of luck for your future, whatever it entails.

Warm regards

Joanie

Dear Joanie,

Very interesting questions!  Some of the answers can only come from Dr. Baer, but I will try my best. I know Dr. Baer had many years, I believe twelve years, of college and medical school to learn to treat patients as a doctor and psychiatrist.  All doctors spend a lot of time servicing patients in their chosen profession. Dr. Baer is human like the rest of us, and ANY job can take a toll on a marriage. Dr. Baer and I talked more than a few times about my marriage but he never once made me feel guilty for causing any marital turmoil in his. Although Dr. Baer had training to separate his feelings from his work, it would be humanly impossible for him to not be affected personally by treating me. I tried my best not to share too much at one time, but as therapy proceeds, once the faucet has a leak and is turned on full blast, it’s hard to simply shut it off. My therapy was once a week for 45 minutes, and two or three times a week we spoke by phone from anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes on average, totaling about 120 maximum minutes of talk time per week.  Minus that time from 10,080 minutes per week makes a very low percentage of his time. Of course, Dr. Baer had other work to do in between my sessions, but that was his time, not mine. I was not that important to cause chaos to his marriage. His divorce was, I believe, not my fault.

Regarding my answering questions on this blog being a trigger to my past, no, I’m past that pain and find I enjoy bringing hope to others by answering their questions. I’m rarely triggered in a negative way by these questions. I believe it’s important to share my story and I hope someone will feel better by knowing me through my answering these questions. We all need to take a step back now and then to share our lessons.  I’m glad to be of help. This is growth for me. I have matured past my time of being a victim. I’m a survivor and it’s my desire to share how I survived.

I use the phrase “respectful friendship” often in my writing but they’re actually Dr. Baer’s words. I choose to use this phrase out of respect. I hold a special place in my heart for Dr. Baer and consider him as my family. My alters most certainly felt that way and I always say he re-parented me. I believe Dr. Baer use of the words “respectful friendship” means that we have a strong, non-sexual, platonic, non-enabling, non-threatening, mutual friendship bred out of trust and appropriate boundaries. But to me that means that after all that we have been through, we will always share a special bond that came from respecting each other. I know it can sound strange, but truthfully, how can anyone define the many levels of trust, respect, hope, and admiration we shared?  It would take more words than I could write. Treating me has changed both of us. And I truly respect him for all that he has done to help me live.

I am glad to end this reply on a good note regarding my favorite movie and songs. I have so many favorite songs that I couldn’t choose. But today I did watch the movie Mama Mia with Meryl Streep for the tenth time because I love musicals. My current most favorite song is written and sung by Warren Jacobs “In Christ.” Thank you for asking!

Wishing you all my best!  Hope I answered some of your questions.

Karen

Comment by Lisa Dee on 31 Dec 2011 at 4:06 am

Dear Karen,

I just finished listening to Switching Time in audio book form. I cannot tell you how much I appreciated having the opportunity to get to know you, so to speak.

I too was repeatedly assaulted by my father throughout my childhood. After failed therapies in my early 20′s I finally found myself in the proper state of mind to be receptive to treatment (sober) and found two therapists that took great care of me. As you may know competent therapists are not as easy to find as one may think.

That being said I began a 3 year course of individual, group and hypnotherapy. Though I did not have MPD I did suffer from a form of dissociative disorder. Before going further I feel I should clarify that hypnotherapy, in the wrong hands, can be extraordinarily dangerous. Thankfully, I was blessed with someone who, like Dr. Baer, was careful not to influence or read anything in to the experiences I related but rather let me talk through them and come to my own conclusions. His aim was to keep me safe and offer the empathy and assurance I needed at the time. I’ve never felt able to relate my experience to others in a way that people could grasp without thinking I was just crazy, or at least that’s how I felt. When I tried explaining these sessions to my mother she actually said “Oh, do you have MPD?” She always needed a name for things and all the better if it sounded rare or exotic. When I started hearing your experiences with your alters, your rooms, your interactions with them and your doctor while “under” I felt that finally there was someone else who would “get it”. I can see how people actually split off in to true alters, I can see how close I came, me and my shadows. I still think fondly of my little “Seven”, a charming funny girl who just wanted everyone to be happy and would accept pain and humiliation as her lot in life.

Our minds are wonderous things made to adapt and survive. How sad that you and I and thousands of others have been put in situations where our brains capacity to protect our sanity was truly put to the test. To allow us to wake up in the morning and eat breakfast with our rapists and behave as if nothing had happened. How is one to cope??

How grateful I am that there are people like your Dr Baer and the ones who treated me to help us find our way out of the maze and live life to the fullest.

I’d like to share with you my therapist’s thoughts when I had my last session with her. She wisely said “Never feel you are done, never feel you’ve failed if you need to come back, never forget we all need a tune-up and maybe even a reminder that we are awesome valuable people deserving to love and be loved.” You, Karen, certainly do deserve love.

Thank you for your willingness to allow your story to be shared, it touched me in a way I never thought possible!

I pray for blessings and comfort for you and your children. I also pray that though your abusers included people professing to represent God, they do not. Please do not let that interfere with faith in Him, the only true and perfect loving Father.

Dear Lisa Dee,

Thank you so much for sharing! I love getting to know you, too, and through your letter can most certainly empathize with you. I was fortunate to have found Dr. Baer and receive the best help without needing to try to heal through a few failed therapies. I feel blessed that Dr. Baer came into my life at the right time. You are right about finding competent and qualified therapists to assist you on your journey. I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I wound up in inappropriate hands. I didn’t start hypnosis until I built trust in my relationship with Dr. Baer. I was glad he never forced hypnosis on me and we worked together on deciding on what was best for my treatment. I am glad you found someone to trust and respect.

I truly appreciate your kind thoughts, compliments, and sharing your therapist’s thoughts. I agree that healing is a life-long journey. We all need to take care of ourselves and take life as it comes without stepping backwards into the past. I try my best to live for today and look forward to my future.  When abused, as we have been, it’s always best to stay on the side of reality and to live to the best of our ability. That’s why I share my story and am currently writing a sequel to Switching Time.

Thank you for your blessings! I believe God is good and forever present in all that I do.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Riley on 23 Dec 2011 at 11:26 pm

I just read your book for high school. With God everything is possible phillipians 4:13

Dear Riley,

Yes, it’s true, with God everything is possible.  Thank you for the reminder! Wishing you a wonderful day! 🙂

God bless you,

Karen

Comment by Joseph on 21 Dec 2011 at 2:42 pm

What do you do when you feel pressed for time? Can you still disscoiate without alternate person parts? Great book! Merry Christmas!

Joseph

Dear Joseph,

What do I do when pressed for time? What we all do when pressed for time… make an excuse, dismiss myself, or just do everything without thought. I can’t dissociate anymore but I continue to accomplish many tasks simultaneously. Sometimes I laugh at the thought of wishing to have an alter left to lose time too, but realistically that would not benefit my lifestyle in the least. It’s best I just live my life balancing my time in order to live without chaos.

Thank you for your compliment on the book!

Merry Christmas to you, too!

Karen

Comment by Leslee on 14 Dec 2011 at 10:22 pm

Dear Karen,

I am inspired by you and wanted to know how you deal with down days. And if you talk to Dr. Baer at all during these times. If you had a warning sign what might that be to Dr. Baer. Does he really know you now?

Leslee

Wisconsin Dells

Dear Leslee,

Difficult questions. I admit to having down moments here and there, but no longer have full days of feeling down. What I do is try to get involved with volunteering in the community to distract my sadness and keep my spirits lifted. There’s nothing more helpful for turning away from my grief than by helping someone.

Regarding warnings signs, Dr. Baer lives in Chicago and I live in Texas so it’s a bit difficult to meet like we once did, but I do know that anytime I call him he would be there, listen to me, and that alone helps me feel cared for. I try my best to live my life without seeking help. It’s not that I don’t need to talk at times, of course I do, it simply means that I have found a way to share with friends, my pastor, or my community of wonderful forever friends who care. I am blessed to have many people in my life who know and accept me. And yes, Dr. Baer knows me well, he may not know what I do with my days, but overall he knows me better than I know myself. I can’t hide who I am. Dr. Baer and I share a bond that can’t be broken.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and questions,

Karen

Comment by Carolina Sierra on 14 Dec 2011 at 1:27 pm

Karen,

I’m reading Switching Time a second time around. I believe this book can help us understand ourselves better and be aware when there is abuse going on.

I would love reading your second book when it comes out.

The first time I read it back in 2008, I was surprised about all the things that you went through and I’m glad that you are now well. After reading the first chapter just now and your blog, I can notice the difference by the way you write your responses. You are not hurt anymore. You were able to overcome the circumstances and live a better life which 20 years ago seemed impossible.

Dear Carolina Sierra

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I believe there is a world of difference from the way I once lived to now. I have healed and at the same time continue to pay close attention to any signs that may cause me to slip back to moments of sadness. I rarely think back to all those dark days of past grief, but I admit I have a bad moment now and then. Like all of us, I’m human and need to work on living well. It’s my desire to move forward on my journey.

Thank you for reading my story a second time. I’m glad to hear it helps you to understand what abuse can do to one’s overall well-being. I’m currently writing a sequel and hope that the next book will shed light on how I’ve lived my life before, during and after integration.

Karen

Comment by Sue on 13 Dec 2011 at 9:06 am

In reading your story I acknowledged my own past that I was ignoring in hope it would just go away. I was abused from six to fifteen years old and at fifteen was arrested for parental abuse when I used a bat on my father’s back breaking a few of his ribs. I was released because he didn’t press charges probably because he was guilty of raping me and feared I would talk. I am thirty now and had not talked to him in years. He may be dead for all I know. My question is how is it that you did not attack or kill your father? I mean I read your reasons here on your blog but there’s got to be more to it than will power and help from your alters. I don’t have alters but definitely have anger issues. Well now at thirty I am feeling depressed, having nightmares and sometimes even think I am never gonna make it another year. I am inspired by your survival and glad you said healing is a lifetime journey because it sure is. I am not going anywhere and know it will take time to answer my question but glad you still find time for people like me the rare and few who keep silent but need help. Maybe I will find a therapist like you did. I will pray on that. Well, Merry Christmas, beautiful friend!

Dear Sue,

Thank you for sharing your story! I do empathize with you and though I did not attack or kill my father, I had thoughts to do so. But for me, my alters prevented me from acting out on those thoughts by switching into other, less aggressive alternate personalities. I assume this was my alters’ way of protecting me from myself, or rather the outcome of what could have happened if I were to take such actions. I’m still in awe that I never killed my abusers.

My internal chaos and memories of past abuse surfaced in my thirties.  I had matured to the point that I knew all that happened to me was wrong, and my daughter was young and certain things about her triggered flashbacks within me. It was also at that time that my father was arrested for abusing my young niece. I felt sad, depressed, and suicidal, but also relieved when my father died. I was fortunate to be in therapy and under my doctor’s care during those years.

Please know that I am not a therapist and can’t give advice.  I encourage you to seek help with a qualified therapist. Please do not try to heal on your own. It takes teamwork and support to heal from past abuse. There are good therapists out there and I have faith that you will find one that you can form a relationship built on trust.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Adam on 29 Nov 2011 at 9:50 pm

Dear Karen,

Contrary to disbelief I don’t believe in anyone with many different people parts living together in one body. Not possible and not in the bible. Did you know doctors laugh when someone claims to dissociate. I bet you Dr. Baer laughed every day he treated you. I bet you were his entertainment and the reason he kept treating you. Face it. Most therapists are bored to death listening to dysfunctional people BUT you, my God, are the most interesting prize for a frustrated pent up unemotionally charged, narcissistic therapist. I have to say you must of made Dr. Baers work a joy and challenge. Like Frankenstein. The Mind. The Phantom Hand. However, no matter what I think you are the kindest writer and caring woman who has answered people with heartfelt love. I like you. But can’t get your illness. Are you sure Dr. Baer didn’t force these alters on your during hypnosis.

Adam, Utah

Dear Adam,

You want to know something, in the beginning I actually thought the same thing? There is no one like me in the Bible, but truly I am one of God’s children, and therefore I’m real, just like you. God created each of us to be unique and to serve His purpose. I am no different than anyone else except for the fact that my mind created an amazing coping mechanism for me to survive horrific abuse.

I’m sure some doctors would laugh when faced with treating a multiple patient.  There are many bizarre and interesting moments that are priceless in the way a multiple, like me, lived day in and day out. Laughter and humor have healing powers, and Dr. Baer and I shared some funny moments during my therapy years.  Again, if you can’t laugh at yourself and laugh with a trusted person then how can you heal?

I laughed to myself hearing your description of how you see therapists.   Realistically, therapists are doing a job and to the best of their ability.  They need to be an attuned listener, without judgment or interference, for their patient to share their thoughts and feelings. And yes, I believe it was a joy, annoying, and a challenge for Dr. Baer to treat me. But together, as a team, we worked hard to help me heal. We shared many endearing moments to build trust and mutual respect.

I’m glad to say Dr. Baer never once forced my alters to do anything they didn’t want to.

Thank you so much for your kind compliments and challenging questions. I hope my answers help you understand the therapy process.

Wishing you all my best,

Karen

Comment by Sylvia from Japan on 28 Nov 2011 at 11:18 am

Hello Karen,

We are in despair in Japan. I am a student and read your book. I have a new strength in knowing you. Thank you for teaching faith in your story. Faith transforms in different ways. No compare. Just know more about hope.

Dear Sylvia,

I’m sorry to hear that you are in despair in Japan. I’ll keep you in my prayers. I’m also glad to hear that you have the strength you need to help you move forward in hope. That means a lot to me and it’s a blessing to hear that you believe my story is teaching faith. That is what I’ve hoped for.

Wishing you all my best and I hope that your faith will bring you through.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Freddie on 27 Nov 2011 at 6:54 pm

Hey Karen,

Class came alive with your book. Discussions had me thinking… what if you could master switching and do all the things you ever wanted to do? What would it be like to discipline your alters in a way that benefits your life instead of traumatize? If you refused integration where do you think you’d be today on a scale of one to ten in wholeness? Fascinating mind you have been given by God. How are you using your abilities today? Good luck to you.

Freddie

Dear Freddie,

It’s interesting to me to hear that a class comes alive when my story is shared. I would love to be a fly on the wall in such a classroom! Your question poses fascinating thoughts… master switching? I would have to say switching couldn’t be mastered to work in perfect sync because most alternate personalities are unique and unpredictable. It would not work for a multiple to assume they could accomplish everything on their own through their alters. Alters lack structure, organization and discipline. No benefits would occur if they were kept in their fragmented state. It’s best to work towards integration.

I’m not sure what would become of me if I had refused integration? Regarding your scale I’d probably be a 3. But what would be the point of living in constant chaos with strong alternate selves stealing my days to live out their own? I see no benefit of staying in that multiple mindset. If I didn’t integrate, I believe I wouldn’t be here. I think I’d be dead. Alters in an adult are not healthy or functional.  Alters are created during childhood to protect and are no longer needed when a multiple becomes an adult.

I have been blessed by God and use all that God has given to me to be my best one self. Thank you for asking and for wishing me luck!

Karen!