Comment by Heather on 28 Oct 2010 at 9:25 am

How are you? I read your story and would like to know more about your doctor patient relationship. My therapist is writing my story and his writings hurt me. I am still in therapy but dont believe he cares except for the book. Had you felt hurt while in the process? Has you therapist hurt you?

Thank you. Love your story.

Heather

Dear Heather,

I am well. Thank you for asking! I’m sorry that you’re feeling hurt by your doctor writing your story, but I’m not sure how to respond to your question without knowing more. You mentioned you are still in therapy. First, there should be no writing while you are still in the midst of therapy unless the therapeutic part of you relationship has ended and you and your therapist have discussed the writing at length.

Was I hurt? That’s too strong of a word for me to use to describe how I felt during the writing of Switching Time. I admit, it was very emotional and disturbing at times, but that was the reality of my story. Seeing my story written was like re-experiencing part of the pain again. I have no regrets, but I have to admit it was emotionally draining at times. But Dr. Baer and I worked together to address every single issue, emotion, thought, discomfort, and moment of confusion. Between us we resolved most issues. The reality of sharing my story was difficult, but I believe necessary to help those who suffer as I once did or know of someone who has suffered.

I do not know your story, but if I were you I would ask myself whether this book is in my best interest and in the interest of helping others, and most importantly, is it hurting my therapy. If not, and you continue to feel hurt or victimized, just tell your therapist to STOP. It’s your choice, your decision. You have to give your consent to have your story told, and you can revoke that consent at any time.

Please think through what you have shared with me and share the same with your therapist. Tell him exactly how his written words have hurt you. It will be best for the both of you to honest and open now and in the future. It was not an easy decision for me, but by sharing my story I have been rewarded tenfold. Whenever I read a letter from someone who claims I have inspired or helped I feel I have fulfilled my purpose. And that’s a good feeling.

Wishing you a sense of calm on your journey.

Karen

Comment by Ingrid on 27 Oct 2010 at 7:04 am

Good morning Karen,

In reading your story I was left with a type of unexplainable peace.I can’t begin to express the change in me but know it came from your writing between the lines of the book and your answers on your blog. Could it be a reason to share with you my past I’m not certain but I know you have a special gift in keeping someone close in heart. Once your in, you never leave. My question won’t be easy to answer but I have cancer and have about three months to go. I would like to know what I can write to people to touch their hearts the way you do. Any suggestions on how to write some kind of letter? At least a beginning? If you were dying what would you write to people as a group and individual letters? I am ready to go and need help preparing. Can you help me?

Ingrid

Dear Ingrid,

Thank you for sharing, thinking of me, and being inspired by me. I feel privileged to receive your heartfelt letter. I’m sorry for your loss and understand your need to prepare yourself and your loved ones. Though I hope and pray that you survive, I admire your courage to do what’s in your best interest. If I were you I would hope I could have the same strength when facing the reality of my illness.

I believe leaving behind letters is a wonderful way of sharing your feelings with those close to you. Sharing in your own written words is a personal, priceless and powerful inspirational gift. If I was told I was to die soon I would start by writing one letter to all my friends and family sharing how important they have been to me throughout the years. Next, slowly, I would try my best to write individual letters touching on my personal relationship and what they meant to me. Write what’s important to you; write from your heart. If that seems too difficult I would search for the perfect card and write a shorter note in hope to help them ease their grief. I would most likely share that I will always be with them in heart and spirit. That I am only a mere memory away. And that whenever they think of me, I will be there. I would ask that each remember the good parts of our relationship and not the sad times. I would ask them to pay their kindness forward to someone else in need. I would share that we all must go and that it simply was my time to move on. That death is a part of life and there is no escaping when God calls us home. I would ask my friends and family not to cry too long over me because that would only sadden me. I would tell them I am everywhere, and when they need me I will be there in every smile, flower, slow moving stream of water, calm clear night, brightest star, and also will be there in every storm they experience.

I will pray for your safe journey. Please take care of yourself and feel free to write to me here or on Facebook. I am here for you.

Wishing you all my best…

Karen

Comment by Lisa on 25 Oct 2010 at 9:17 am

Hi Karen,

I am schizophrenic and finally medicated correctly. I read your book during my hospitalization when a friend said she thought my voices were from mpd not mania. I am glad you shared your story because it clarified what my worst nightmares were, I dont like my diagnosis but guess you didn’t like yours either. I have a question about medication. Did you need medication for your illness? Did any medication work the same way like that with a schizo like me? I feel great now and don’t think meds are needed anymore. What and why and how did you get off your meds?

Thank you.

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for sharing! I am glad to hear that you finally received a diagnosis that will keep you well and on the right path to healing. No one likes to hear a diagnosis. What’s most important is that there’s a treatment plan and medication for your illness that will help you live and function to the best of your ability. Each patient’s treatment is individual. My medication needs were different than yours.

I am not a professional, psychiatrist or therapist. I’m not qualified to share medical advice or information on medications but in my opinion, there’s a difference between the illness I suffered from and yours. I don’t believe there is any one medication known to help multiplicity. None worked for me. But that’s me, not you. The only medication that worked for me was an occasional Xanax during short periods of high stress when I needed help to calm down.

My understanding of schizophrenia is that it requires constant lifetime medication maintenance. Please do not stop taking your medication without the approval of your doctor. Personally I have known someone who thought she no longer needed her meds and stopped. She relapsed terribly, and her once productive life spiraled downward. That saddened me. Thank God she is back on her medications now and functions at a high level. She is one of the most intelligent women I have ever met, as long as she’s keeping up with her therapy and treatment plan. I believe your medication is of great importance. I believe you’re doing great because you’re maintaining a healthy level of medication.

Wishing you continued success in your future.

Karen

Comment by Mike on 24 Oct 2010 at 9:31 pm

Can you believe anyone would claim to be raped for attention? Why would someone do that? I read your story and have great respect for your shared wisdom. Tell me why you think people make up stuff. If they read your story they would know horror. I am sorry you suffered. I am happy you are here.

Thank you, God Bless you!

Mike

Dear Mike,

Yes, I believe there are people who seek negative attention and use sympathy to gain friendship. There is nothing sadder than to hear someone falsifying an attack, rape, or abuse. If someone had personally shared such a tragedy with me and I found it to be untrue, I would be very disappointed. My first reaction would depend on whether he or she told me the truth, or whether I heard it elsewhere. I would listen first, not judge, and wait for an explanation, or if needed, an apology. I know trust is fragile and sometimes people make things up because they don’t know if they can share a truth. But that isn’t an excuse. My next reaction would depend on how I decided to handle it and what to say. If someone shared a story and confessed to lying, I would be concerned as to why they felt they needed to lie to me. Sometimes there is an underlying story that is truthful but more hurtful. But nevertheless, I will be cautious about believing that person with future stories. It’s always best to be truthful, there’s too much work in keeping up with lies. 

Thank you for sharing and for your compliments!  I am glad to be here, too!

God Bless you!

Karen

Comment by Barton 23 Oct 2010 at 3:13 pm

Karen,

Can you find a way to talk to a friend of mine who is extremely disturbed. She read your book. I can’t help her. I don’t know how. She has alters don’t know how many but she pisses me off all the time. I can’t handle it anymore. I suggested she seek therapy as you repeatedly suggest in your blog answers but she claims only you can help her. I think she needs professional help and not you who must be drained from such constant requests. I know she is on your facebook account and sends you a ton of crap that I am happy you ignore. It is nice of you to answer one a day that helps. Can Dr. Baer take her on as a patient? She lives near you guys in the Chicago area. I can get her to him. I am retired and tired of fighting a lost battle. Today I could strangle her but don’t be concerned I won’t. I found your site and ordered your book today.

Thank you.

Bart

Dear Bart,

Thank you for believing I can be of help but I am not a therapist and can’t give advice. It would be inappropriate for me to talk with your friend. But I will pray for her and I wish her well. It’s my hope that she will seek professional help with a qualified therapist. What I can say is that therapy helped me. Tell her being afraid to talk to someone is like allowing her abusers to win while she is kept a prisoner of her past.

I know who you’re referring to and read about her distress and responded to her a few days later. I can’t take on a relationship that may drain me and jeopardize all the work I’ve done to stay healthy. Please know I care and hope that all those who write to me find my story helpful. It is my desire to encourage hope through sharing my story. Dr. Richard Baer is no longer counseling patients.

Thank you for ordering Switching Time. It’s my hope that in reading my story you will find a sense of calm in how to help your friend. I can hear your frustration and I feel your pain. However, it’s nice to know that despite the aggravation she puts you through, you still found a place in your heart to write in hope to help her. I admire that! I wish more friends of multiples cared as you do. I believe it’s healthy to want to strangle her and I’m glad to know that you won’t! Sounds to me like you’re stressed and feeling overwhelmed. Please take care of yourself first!

Wishing you all my best,

Karen

Comment by Jesse on 23 Oct 2010 at 2:53 pm

Dear Karen,

What are you called now after integration? Do you consider yourself mentally ill? Are you diagnosed with some other disorder? Are you receiving professional care? I am curious what integration will bring if I agree to it. My psychiatrist said I will become normal like everyone without a diagnosis. I find his statement confusing. I would love to believe him but can’t. I am asking your view on disolving your illness. Does Dr. Richard Baer believe in writing you off as 100% normal? Can you survive without the mpd label attached? What are you? Can you define yourself? Do you require maintenance support? More therapy? Life help? Education to re-enter civilzation like those who were traumatized during war? In my confused mind I need to know what you believe is helpful to your sanity? What do you live for? Why are you living? At what cost did writing your story cause you? I know I am asking a world load of questions but I would be very grateful for your response. I trust you to tell me the truth. Doctors lie.

Jesse

Dear Jesse,

WOW! There are many questions here, enough to write a book on! I will try my best to answer some of them. First. I no longer consider myself mentally ill since integration. I have always thought my multiplicity was disabling, but not a permanent illness. For me multiplicity was a coping mechanism that kept my brain healthy by compartmentalizing my abuse into small sections, like pieces of a puzzle, until as an adult I was able to deal with the fact that I was sexually abused in a horrific way.

What do I call myself these days? I’m not sure. I don’t believe there is a label, but there were a few times I referred to myself as a recovering multiple. I say recovering because recovered sounds too final. I believe my journey is life-long. Just because my alters and I survived integration doesn’t necessarily mean I have no issues left to work on. There are moments now when I could use someone to talk things over with. But everyone needs to talk to someone sometime. I continue to require emotional support and try my best to live my life in a way I once never thought possible.

Normal? Define normal. I don’t believe anyone who has suffered severe abuse and multiplicity can be really normal, because there are always issues of past abuse to deal with. What is normal for me may be not normal for you. We all are unique. In my opinion, the word normal should never be used.  I’m not sure what your therapist meant by normal without a diagnosis.

I try my best not to dwell on my traumatic past and instead live with hope of an abuse-free future. I try not to look back, but I admit it’s sometimes hard to look forward. I live each day to the best of my ability. If I were you I would relax and allow your therapy to progress naturally. Integration was the best decision I made. Trust your therapist to guide you; he or she is there to help, not hurt you. There is no sure foolproof way of knowing what life will bring after integration. That’s being realistic. Just take one day at a time and do your best.

Wishing you all my best on your own journey to wellness!

Karen

Comment by Ken on 23 Oct 2010 at 10:01 am

Hello Karen,

I first would like to thank you for sharing your story. I know writing the book was more than a dual job between you and Richard Baer. I would encourage you to take credit for your part in writing it. I support the both of you for your bravery in writing a book that is very conversationable. I thought the book to be fascinating and added it to my class required reading list. My students had more to debate than I originally imagined. We spent nearly four days in intense discussion. I can’t begin to share that excitement in this brief letter. I encourage you to write more. My students gained an insight on many levels from abuse, relationships, life, death, law, parenthood and much more. Keep up the great work on your blog. Wish Richard Baer well. I am jealous of him for finding YOU. Yes, YOU, are the amazing one. Question: How did you feel upon shifting your doctor/patient relationship to business partners and friendship? Any regrets? Any advice for future authors? I can’t imagine the toll the book has taken on you. I admire you. Thank you. God speed.

Ken. Professor of Psychology

Dear Ken,

Thank you for sharing! I’m always glad to hear about the debates and conversations my story sparks. I’m amazed at how complex the brain is and how the brain can survive under extreme chaos and abuse. I believe more studies are needed. Knowledge brings forth awareness.

Thank you for encouraging me to acknowledge my part in sharing my story! That means a lot to me. I am currently writing the sequel to Switching Time in hope to bring out more of my story. I believe there is much more to be written on many different levels.

I admit, shifting our doctor/patient relationship to business partners and a respectful friendship was difficult, and at times still is. Regrets? No. I’m not sure if Dr. Baer has regrets, but I don’t. I’m saddened by some issues and happy about others. But I’m grateful that we address those issues in a timely fashion. Our relationship is unique; we share a special bond that comes from respect, trust, and long commitment.

Do I have any advice for future doctor authors when writing a book with a patient?  In my opinion, there needs to be someone to bounce off the frustrations and emotional changes when going public. The expectations that change when shifting the relationship need to be worked through. Having my story written has taken a toll on the both of us, but really no more than dealing with reality and life itself. There are good and bad times all around us, the difference is making sure we continue to communicate openly. Dr. Baer and I will always be a very important part of each other’s lives, no matter what. We continue to work together without outside help. My relationship with Dr. Baer continues to be a working relationship, which requires maintenance, discipline, and attention; the same way all good relationships do.

Thank you for your compliments and well wishes. I’m sure Dr Baer will appreciate hearing them. But please know Dr. Baer did not find me, I found him. I consider my work with Dr. Baer to heal me amazing! It was teamwork at it’s best! I could not have survived without his unconditional care and he could not treat someone like me without my help. It took not only the two of us, but seventeen alters, all working together to accomplish integration.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Lady Mae on Oct 23, 2010, at 6:44 PM

Dear Karen Overhill,

Despite all those who write you have you ever received emails from anyone’s alters? I am an alter and write to you because I am learning about integration from your story. You see, we as a whole may never be whole as one because of the stupidity of live television showing mpd patients and their alters that there is no need to integrate. Well, as strange as I sound my fellow alters and I are agreeing to integrate thanks to your story. We hated the thought but read how your experience made a difference. Thank you for sharing that your alters are you and you are them and that no one dies or gets destroyed. Thank you for making my system smarter. We start the process of integration of Laura’s eight alters next week. Yeah Team! Thank you Richard and Karen!

Dear Lady Mae,

Yes, I have received letters and comments from the alters of a few multiples. I answer all questions. Though I’m not a therapist, I can answer from my own personal experience. I feel privileged when I receive a message from an alter. You know how hard it is for an alter to reach out and ask a question. I find receiving such questions and comments remarkable and enlightening. Alters are just as important as the person holding them.

I have to say I am excited to hear from you. I’m in awe that you have not only written to me but accepted that you are an alter, one of many in need of information regarding integration. I believe you are the first to have asked me your question. I am proud of you for sharing with me and wanting to take the next step to help Laura become one.

My story is not a guide about how to integrate, but I’m sure you know that. It’s just my personal story of integration. I’m glad to hear you chose to read my story and believe integration will help and not hurt Laura, you and the others. Yes, you and your fellow alters will simply merge together and blend with Laura. As an alter your job has changed and it’s time for Laura to live on her own life without dissociation. Laura may not understand her need to integrate, but you do. Laura will gain your wisdom.

I’m sure you will be of great help when the time comes to integrate. Sharing with your therapist that you and the others have read my story will give your therapist a better sense of where you are.

Wishing you all my best during your journey to integrate. May you experience a sense of calm as you each merged together for Laura.

Please keep in touch!

Karen

Comment by Hebe on 16 Oct 2010 at 3:19 am

Dear Karen,

I am a university student from Hong Kong. You know what, we were talking about you in our lecture this morning and I got totally moved by your experience and that’s why now I am browsing the site and anything relating to you. I am so impressed.

I am going to read the book(s) whch is/are about you tonight. I wish you all the best in your life.

And God bless you.

Will keep you in prayer,

Hebe

Dear Hebe,

Thank you for your compliments, sharing your enthusiasm, and your best wishes! I would love to hear how your lecture went. I hope the class found the subject of multiplicity interesting. I’m glad to hear that you’ve read through some of my blog and Web site listings. Hope you found our Web site informative. There is much more information in the questions and answers here.

Please let me know if you have any future questions. I’m here to help.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Nabil on 15 Oct 2010 at 8:54 am

Hi Karen!

I was so moved by your story – thank you for sharing it with the world! I was curious to hear about whether or not you are still able to tell distinctly between the memories of different alters, and whether you can sense the way Holdon, for example, might still be associated with driving or Katherine with organizing your calendar?

Best wishes,

Nabil

Dear Nabil,

Sometimes I can tell there are differences in me but not in the same way as when my alters were active. I can’t explain it other than I can tell something is a bit different in the way I react to certain things. I may experience a trigger of some kind that reminds me of an alter, but I can’t attach any particular thought or feeling to one of my ex-alters. I wish I understood these moments.

For example, when I drive I may think of Holdon, but no longer feel like Holdon. When I organize something, I may think of Katherine, but never feel like I am Katherine. It doesn’t happen often, but I do at times sense a conflict between my wants and needs, but I suppose everyone feels that sometimes.  I used to feel it as a conflict between alters. Though the feeling will pass just as quickly as it appeared, it can frighten me and I wonder if I’m okay. I try to ignore the feeling knowing it’s temporary and remember with confidence that I am integrated.

Thank