Comment by Brian, Omaha, NE on 19 Apr 2010 at 6:25 pm

Hey Karen,

Have you ever done anything totally unpredictable as an alter that you would never do yourself when you were a child? I am fascinated in your brain.

What a great book. Man o Man you got me stumped. I hate reading books.totally hate it but couldn’t put yours down. There should be more books written like yours.

Brian

Omaha, NE

Dear Brian,

My alters did many unpredictable things, but mostly in good fun. My alters played off my insecurities. There were times when a fear of mine would block my way to accomplishing something that I really wanted to do but felt too paralyzed. An alter more willing than I would take over and get it done. Most of the time this would turn out in my favor; sometimes not. A few examples are written in Switching Time. Once, at age 13, in fifty-degree weather I climbed a park district fence to swim in the public pool late at night. I would never do such a thing on my own.  But often my alters had a way of pushing me forward to keep me going. If it weren’t for them I may have stayed in bed, feeling depressed, and unable to thrive, or worse.

Thank you for your compliments on Switching Time and my “brain.” I’m glad you finished reading my story. It’s a hard book to read and sometimes you have to put it down. I will take your compliment to heart. For someone like you to believe more books like ours should be written is a wonderful way to help me continue to encourage hope through sharing my story.

Karen

Comment by Pheobe on 19 Apr 2010 at 8:15 am

Dear Richard, Karen can see this too.

I am writing to you instead of Karen because I wonder why you are not answering questions to. I have D.I.D. and don’t believe integration really works. I have been fooling my therapist for many years. I don’t have alters but pretend I do so he cares for me. I felt him getting annoyed with me so created alters for him to like me again and it worked. Could you tell if Karen was fooling you? My therapist must be stupid. But you seem to know Karen. What if Karens alters never integrated and are still around? What if she fooled you into thinking her alters integrated when they really did not. If you and Karen are real then I better stop playing games with my therapist. You guys are great. But reading your book left me feeling guilty as hell. What do you think I should do? Tell by therapist? Quit therapy? Kill myself?

PHEOBE

Dear Pheobe,

Thank you for sharing. Below I have attached a note from Dr. Baer. I too, understand your dilemma.  During my years in therapy I felt at times that I annoyed Dr. Baer, too, but that was my perception, not his. I believe my own feelings bounced off of him and back to me. I would see and hear myself in Dr. Baer’s lack of reaction. That’s what therapy is. A therapist is like a wall to bounce your own thoughts off of. I believe when you hear yourself speak as someone else hears you it moves your therapy forward. Therefore, you heal yourself.

I believe you are in need of help but not for what you wish your therapist to believe about you. Maybe your therapist already knows this? Please share your truth. Spending time on false issues will continue to weigh against your healing. We all have our own journey to travel. It’s never too late to start again. Becoming someone else to please your therapist is an issue in itself. Have faith in yourself. Do the right thing and tell your therapist that you have been lying and why you felt you needed to make up an interesting story to please him.

Please know that your therapist is working for you, to help guide you in the right direction. Your therapist can’t help if you don’t trust him with the truth about yourself and the reason you sought his help. Take a step back and remember why you chose to seek help in the first place. There will be your answer.

Wishing you all my best as you change the path to your healing, follow your instincts and move forward in truth.

Karen

Below is a note from Dr. Baer:

Phoebe, you have an interesting dilemma.  I don’t think you have any choice but to tell your therapist the truth.  There seems to be no future in carrying on the charade.  When you tell him, if he’s any kind of therapist, he will react with curiosity and understanding, and the two of you can explore why you made the choice you did and what you can learn from that.

Suicide is never a reasonable option.

Good luck.

Richard Baer, MD

Comment by Missy on 19 Apr 2010 at 8:40 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you for caring to share with the world. I joined your friend list on facebook one month ago today. I love all your inspirational thoughts, quotes and posted videos. I look forward to reading your daily quote. When I am feeling blue I know I will find happiness visiting your facebook page. It’s full of so many interesting things, like over five hundred inspirational videos. It really helps me to know you are there. My alters are few but strong and they love you to. I hope to be as complete as you are some day.

Love you.

Missy

Dear Missy,

Thank you! I am glad you enjoy my daily inspirational notes, quotes, and videos on Facebook. I love receiving them as well. I believe sharing helps me get through each day.  WOW!  I never realized how much I post! Each one has meaning for me.  I appreciate you sharing.

Have faith and your healing will follow. Wishing you all my best as you take your own journey to healing.

Karen

Comment by Henry James on 15 Apr 2010 at 1:05 am

Hello Karen,

I am a psychologist with one patient suffering from D.I.D. I have read Switching Time and found it very informative. Despite my first negative thoughts I was amazed to gain knowledge while reading your story. What I would like to know is how you managed to make all appointments on time for eighteen years. How was that possible? What would happen if Baer or an alter cancelled or not be on time? My patient is rarely on time. She claims her alters mess up her time and schedules. Her lateness is a distraction. How did Baer manage to keep you coming and on time? How do you explain your success in integration? How could I get in touch with Baer for advice and consultation?

Dear Henry James,

Thank you for asking about time! Being on time has always been an important part of my survival and healing. I am an on-time person, and always have been. I was lucky that Dr. Baer was an on-time person, too! During my many years of losing time and trying to make my way through each day, it was very important for me to be on time. My system of survival depended on it.

If I was frequently late, my multiplicity would have been noticed and I would have attracted attention to myself. As a multiple, timing meant everything. In my opinion, being on time means respecting other people. When a therapist commits to therapy with a multiple, the art of healing through communication is so fragile that it is important that lateness not become an added issue.  Respect is of utmost importance.  Both therapist and patient need to respect each other. Lateness has always been a pet peeve of mine.

I’m not sure how to explain why your patient claims her alters make her late all the time. That wasn’t a part of how my system worked. My alters worked hard to keep me functioning. I learned to be on time very early in life. I continue in the same way today. I can’t think of Dr. Baer ever being late for our therapy sessions. Once he called me to let me know he might be five minutes late. That call made him on time to me.

In my opinion, therapy requires teamwork and if one side of the team can’t be on time, frustration causes chaos and no one heals.

Thank you for your questions. You can reach Dr. Baer through my blog or through Facebook.

Karen

Comment by Elena Z. on 13 Apr 2010 at 8:36 am

Karen,

Did you ever believe when you were a child that you would be alive as an adult and share your story in a book? Was there someone in particular who inspired you before you started therapy? I read somewhere that you kept journals as a child. What happened to them? I am amazed at how much detail you recall. I can’t remember what I did yesterday. How do you think you can remember so much? I love that you inspire so many people. I am going to look you up on Facebook.

Elena

Dear Elena,

No, I never imagined I’d share my story. Actually I never imagined I’d be alive and well and living a life I never thought possible. As a child, I had many dreams but they were often clouded by a never-ending cycle of abuse. I’m glad I fell into the right hands and found the help I needed to move forward with my life.

There were a few people along the way who have inspired me. Not by any person in particular, but I would find inspiration in books and stories about strong, independent women. I would fantasize being rescued and loved by someone. As an adult, I’ve learned to trust, but I’ve also been let down. I’ve made mistakes and learned many lessons.

I can’t ever remember not keeping a journal. As a young girl, I wrote every day. My grandmother would buy me those black and white composition books to write in. I wrote down my thoughts and feelings and shared my pain with my journal as if my journal was my only friend. One day, my mother found them hidden in a hope chest in the attic where I hid them and started reading one. That was all it took for her to gather them up and dump them in the kitchen sink and light fire to them with a match. Sometimes I can still see the flames and smell the sulfur from the burnt matches. I was devastated. I remember that day clearly. I believe the reason my memories remain so clear is that they were burned into memory from the trauma that surround them.

I’m not sure of how I remember so much, but at times I wish I could forget. I believe my journaling as a child kept my memories alive.  Once I wrote them down, they were hard to forget.

Thank you for your questions. I look forward to your Facebook friendship.

Karen

Comment by Josie on 12 Apr 2010 at 11:20 am

Dear Karen,

Please tell Dr. Baer that I am in love, love, love with him for treating you. He must be the kindest man in the world. Do you love him? Do you still get to see him or have you both parted ways after the book was published and interviews done? Do the both of you do seminars on your discoveries in treatment as patient and doctor? I would attend in a minute if you do so please send info. I am very excited to be studying D.I.D. which like you rather call it multiplicity M.P.D. Did you by chance create the word multiplicity? If not where did it come from and why do you like to use so frequently? I never heard anyone before you.

Good luck, XOXOXO and God Bless you!

Josie

Provo, Utah

Dear Josie,

Thank you for sharing! I will pass your message on to Dr. Baer. I’m sure it will bring a smile to his face. And yes, of course, I do love him. Dr. Baer has been a very important part of my life and healing. Without his unconditional care and support, I may not have survived all these years. Dr. Baer is my mentor and supportive friend and we continue to meet a few times a month. I don’t believe Dr. Baer and I will ever completely part ways; we have too much history and too many years of building our relationship. My past alters and I have accepted Dr. Baer as our family. I am forever grateful and will never forget him.

Dr. Baer and I have not done any seminars to date, but we would be interested in doing so, if asked.

Multiplicity is the name I prefer to use when I refer to multiple personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder, because it sounds less threatening and less clinical. I’m not sure when or why I started using multiplicity. Maybe I always have. I’m sure I heard it elsewhere.

Thank you for your questions, wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Kendolyn Nicole on 12 Apr 2010 at 10:46 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you for listening to all of us hurting people. I needed someone to understand me and even though we never met, here you are, answering all my questions like you heard me ask them. It’s so strange to feel connected with you and don’t personally know you. It’s like I know you and feel you are present as a guide in my life. I don’t know why I feel so strongly. Never in my thirty four years of life did I think anyone would understand what I was going through. But you do. I hope to meet you someday.

Sister in Christ

Kendolyn Nicole

Dear Kendolyn Nicole,

You’re very welcome! I am touched by your faith in my answers and story. I’m not sure how to explain how I feel so connected to so many, but I believe it comes from understanding those who have been hurt as I have been. We share a similar pain and relate to each other on levels that those who have never been abused could not.

Thank you for sharing! It’s my hope that you continue your healing to wellness. It would be nice to meet you someday.

Karen

Comment by Bess on 12 Apr 2010 at 10:19 am

Greetings Karen!

Love to find your BLOG! I see you answer questions, better than blogging. I luv to ask a million questions but will refrain from doing so until I read all these answers first. I moved to Australia two years ago. Why I did not see your book before today stresses me. I had been waiting for such a story. I read it in one day. You are phenomenal. Book is the best read ever. Welcome to Australia book line. Found you on facebook. Will you be my friend there?

Bess, Australia

Dear Bess,

I am glad you found my blog, too! Thanks for visiting. I believe my blog is more of a question and answer column. I answer questions as soon as possible after receiving them.  I love answering questions and I give each my personal attention.

I’m sorry you haven’t heard of my story until recently. Dr. Baer and I have had quite a bit of coverage, more than most books. We appeared on Good Morning America. Dr. Baer has been interviewed by dozens of radio shows and appeared on the Mike & Juliet Show; Eyewitness News, and has made many appearances to share our story.

I hope you find my hundreds of questions and answers interesting! Of course I will accept your friendship on Facebook. Thank you for asking!

Karen

Comment by Teddi, UK on 11 Apr 2010 at 10:15 am

Read your book. Fascinating and perfectly written to carry many years of horror and gladness. I have a question. when you switched from one to another part of you did you ever feel anxious, depressed, nauseated and have some kind of great immediate bodily attack to your overall being? I can’t seem to get the switch… I am a student and have this assignment to make a short fifteen minute powerful drama. I want to do it on you. It’s school, not professional and I’m not making any money on it. Hope it doesn’t make you mad. I am not making your illness comic. But I first want to ask you if you mind and second if your okay I want to get it right. I don’t want anyone to make fun of it but make it real to be understood. Thank you kindly. 
Switching Time is an amazing read, should be made into a play or movie. It has the right amount of everything needed to be accomplished. I hope someone picks it up. I will be the first in line to buy a ticket. Best of Luck.

Teddi, UK

Dear Teddi,

Thank you for all your wonderful compliments! When I switched to another alter I would feel a sudden drop, as if I was about to faint and someone pushed a pause button on me. I wouldn’t feel depressed or anxious, but at times I would fear someone might notice. There were times when I felt nauseous, but that would happen if the switch was too sudden and accompanied by a headache. Headaches from switching were always a problem. After a switch, it would take me several moments to regroup. I would try my best to stay calm and not bring attention to myself. Sometimes people around me would ask, “Are you ok?” “Watcha thinking about?” or “You look spaced out,” but I would laugh those comments off without trying to explain a switch to someone who has no idea what she just witnessed.

I don’t mind you using some part of my story for a short scene for school. I’m actually intrigued that you would want to. I’ll take that as a compliment. I believe sharing will bring knowledge and awareness to this illness.

Thank you for sharing your desire for my story to become a movie or documentary. I’ll be sure to post the news if that ever happens.

Wishing you the best of luck with your assignment!

Karen

Comment by Annajean, Briget and company on 11 Apr 2010 at 4:44 am

Dear Karen,

A note to self: Never forget Karen’s story. A note to Karen: Thank you for helping me breathe again. I was smothered by my past abuse. I tried to keep it down, stuffing it all the time. Then wore out so bad I contemplated ending my life. Never knew therapy and releasing my pain in the safety of therapy (your words) could help release not only my inner pain but the weight off my shoulders. I am starting to feel alive again. Integration doesn’t sound as horrible as I thought it to be. My therapist and I are talking about starting integration next month. I have five alters and like Dr. Baer wrote mine are finally (all on board). Thank you Karen, Oh karen, say thank you to Dr. Baer from me, too.

Annajean, Briget, Nell, Bobbi Socks, Patsy, and Theresa

Dear Annajean, Briget, Nell, Bobbi Socks, Patsy and Theresa,

I am glad to hear the weight has lifted off your shoulders and all your alters are now on board! That’s most important and now’s the best time to start integration. Though I’m not a therapist, I believe, based on my own personal experience, that once integration begins, the smothering feeling your are experiencing will lessen. I found sharing the deepest stories that imprisoned me, in the safety of therapy, released the tension, which in turn helped free my alters leaving them able to understand that their separate ways of helping me were no longer needed. That I, as a whole adult, would be able to handle things going forward.

I understand that doubts may resurface, but for me, integration proved to be a blessing. I never lost my separate selves; they are all me. My alters will always be a part of me. I now live a life I once thought impossible, as one.

Please feel free to write back and share how you are doing. My best wishes to you for a safe journey to becoming one. I will most certainly pass on your thank you to Dr. Baer.

Karen